Stay at home parent looking forward to retirement

[Equalitystreets]

One partner is and has always been the sole breadwinner.

Other is a stay at home parent who as the children have gotten older has gradually had more free time during the day.

They always share the household chores equally.

When the children go to University, the stay at home parent has said they will be retiring and ‘they can’t wait’.

The partner with the job has at least another 15 years of work to do (and all their retirement funding will come from this partner’s investments, or investments set up in the stay at home parent’s name that were set up and funded by the working partner).

Is the stay at home partner being reasonable to declare their job is completed when the children are 18, even if the other partner has another 15 years of work to do?

Whats not real?

Raising a man's kids for decades entitles you to rest and enjoy the fruits of your labour

And providing for this family in decades entitles working parent to rest, right, now that the kids are grown? Not sure who will finance it though in such case, but shouldn't both partners have the same rights?

I think it is. I'm sure I recgnise the username and it's not the first time she's been banging this drum.

I think a lot of people would be jealous of that ridiculous story, where having a child for 18 years, and doing half the household work during that time, entitles you not to work for the rest of your life.

Your absurd supposed views.

This! At the end of the day I would never choose to be dependent on anyone other than myself, especially not a man. The risks are just not worth it.

What does the 'breadwinner' think about this?

What drum, that a woman should be a sahm if she wants? 😄😄😄

God, please, support women's choices

Then why be with a man?

You're assuming a lot of us are jealous because you're assuming that just because we're women, we want to be SAHM's.

Plenty of women have their own careers, have worked hard for them and wouldn't want to give them up.

Some of us also have high earning DH's and could be SAHM's if that's what we wanted but we don't.

I think you are underestimating the ongoing value you were providing as a SAHM.

I’ve never been a SAHM but many of my male colleagues had SAHMs. I always knew they had it easier in the workplace but never appreciated just how much easier it was for them until for a brief period circumstances meant I had a SAHD for about 18 months (and all the DC were at school).

Just never having to juggle the myriad of child/other non paid work tasks, not having to try and remember a side trip to pick up product X which was running out, not having to be on standby for emergency rescheduling for a DC who had thoughtless broken an arm and needed inconveniently timed physio appointments - the list of “only five minutes” tasks and ad hoc interruptions seemed endless and of course no distractions or blockers from out of hours meetings/networking etc.

The whole family had a more relaxed and easier life. I think women frequently undervalue their overall contribution as SAHMs and the rest of us under appreciate the risks they take to provide the unpaid contribution.

In this case however, I’m leaning toward "what is the hypothetical SAHPs version”.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay

because im heterosexual?

Unless you home schooled, the years of schooling while being a SAHP was the “a bit more free time”. 6 hours a day to yourself for primary and secondary education is a luxury.

Now you no longer have young children, why do you need to be unemployed to also look after a home? Before I got married and had kids, I worked full time and looked after a home. After I got married and have kids I still work full time and look after a home.

Keeping a house clean, tidy and maintained is not a job. You just sound lazy and unwilling to contribute to the household labour and finances as a team. Doesn’t have to be equal but you should be looking to alleviate some of your partner’s stress and burdens.

No I'm not - lots of women want to work and excel doing so - women belong wherever they want to be, and that includes the workplace

But the ones screaming 'a woman should try working and raising kids, how dare she want to stay at home after the kids have gone to uni' is jealous sorry

True, although tbh I think I'd still prefer having my own substantial pension pot.

I have also found that a lot of the very highest earning men are either workaholics or neuro-divergent in some way. They literally don't know how to exist, hour to hour, if they're not working. If these men have kids, they are the ones who will have SAHWs because money is not the issue, they need someone who compensates for their quite extreme personality type. I see this type if set up all the time.

But the flip side is SAHP are only with their kids full time for the first 3 years and holidays.

An average secondary school day is 9-4 ish. So kids are 11+ aren’t in the house during term for almost a full working day. Thats a lot of time to do housework, cook, get stuff ready etc.

I’m not saying being a SAHP is easy, but they aren’t with the kids 24/7 for years.

Presumably as well if they’ve been out of work for so long they haven’t paid their NI?

Not necessarily. I gave up work at 35 when my first child was born. I'd worked since age 15 so already had 20 years NI payments. Then with the NI stamp with child benefit I'm fully paid up.

6 hours to yourself is a luxury???

😄 those hours are used for cleaning, errands, appointments, errands relating to the working partner, cooking, shopping, laundry, more endless cleaning

Taking care of a home is a job - it's a literal job - you can either have your spouse do it, or pay a cleaner and personal chef

No , still not jealous but you obviously need the comfort of believing (or pretending to believe) that.

So to you the sole reason for being with a man is to have what you refer to as "his children" (you clearly don't like him or them very much) and then be supported by him for the rest of your life? Is that what you see as the transaction?

I have never heard of a David Lloyd Creche or a Mark Warner holiday club?

Everyone I know is looking after their children except or a few days when their annual leave has run out when they send them to school holiday club.

That may be because of the social circle you move in. I know a guy who is a CEO and his wife has a nanny as it gives her time away from a house to make up for the fact he’s not around in the evenings. I see no issue with this.

Very high earners are a minority.

I should add when he is around he does loads with the kids, hobbies, cooking the lot.

One can be with a man because you enjoy their company , because two of you together is less effort than being in your own

it doesn’t mean he has to pay for you and you do nothing particular in balance - I’d call that being a prostitute

love and a dash of self respect not money

Oh ha, ha, ha. More bigging up. How do you think families where both work or a working single parent manage.

That's not jealousy by the way. More pity that you have to exaggerate this so much.