Stay at home parent looking forward to retirement

[Equalitystreets]

One partner is and has always been the sole breadwinner.

Other is a stay at home parent who as the children have gotten older has gradually had more free time during the day.

They always share the household chores equally.

When the children go to University, the stay at home parent has said they will be retiring and ‘they can’t wait’.

The partner with the job has at least another 15 years of work to do (and all their retirement funding will come from this partner’s investments, or investments set up in the stay at home parent’s name that were set up and funded by the working partner).

Is the stay at home partner being reasonable to declare their job is completed when the children are 18, even if the other partner has another 15 years of work to do?

😄 if you wouldn't trust a man to take care of you, why be with them?

The children belong to both parents obviously

Mate I do all that while working full time, while managing the appointments and medical care of a child with a serious chronic condition. As do many other working mothers. And no I don’t have a chef and currently don’t have a cleaner.

So yes the 6 hours to yourself during the school day is a luxury, even with these life errands that we all do.

Do you think we working mothers all just live in shit tips and these jobs don’t get done/ don’t exist because both parents work?

See, and there's the jealousy - "if I have to suffer, so do you'

Working mums have such a tough job, and deserve the utmost respect because it's needlessly difficult at times. Some have great support systems and partners and so things are okay, but others don't and I think that they deserve better

But no, a sahm isn't just lazing about its bloody tough too and they deserve respect for it

YABU OP. It is none of your business. Also the partner may like the support at home so they can concentrate on their job.

Again though, jealous of what exactly?

I agree that she should've gone back to work a long time ago and is taking the piss to feel that she's entitled to not working when her kids are grown.

I'm still not exactly sure what there is to be jealous about. No career, little prospects as been out of work so long and financially dependent to the point he can tell her to get back to work when he's fed up, as is the case in the OP.

Yeah, this isn't real.

Nobody lives alone without a cleaner and a personal chef, apparently. Nobody could possibly believe anything this stupid.

Sorry to hear about your child having a chronic health condition

Because things are hard for you, doesn't mean other women have to also have to live the same way

If they liked the support at home so they could concentrate on their job, chances are they wouldnt have asked the question.

Why is the only option a spouse or paid?

Why can’t both spouses share?

if both spouses share the “literal job” of housework then both can also work around that job.

what do single people do? Even before kids? I lived in my house, worked to pay the bills, but no spouse to do the cleaning and cooking? So what then? Don’t do if because you already have a job? Pay someone else? My salary didn’t stretch to paying a second person to sah to support me…

You're not talking about being a sahm, you are talking about being an sah after "mum" has ceased to come into it.
You're plainly just trolling but try and be consistent about it.

Where did I say I was suffering? I didn't , I'm not suffering. Please don't use straw man arguments to justify your ridiculous position.

A difference of opinion and lived experience doesn't make my beliefs stupid

Frothing at the mouth at a woman daring to have some time to herself now that her kids are off to uni, is sad.

I want all women to live the lives that they want, as best they can. Just because my life is hard in some aspects, i don't think that another woman should be foreced into the same position 🙌

Because it's been the sahm's job for decades, now the op wants in on it

This is the same as me. But the child benefit contribution stops at 12.

"I lived in my house, worked to pay the bills, but no spouse to do the cleaning and cooking? So what then?"

You didn't. It's impossible. You must have had a full time chef living under the sink; and just have forgotten about it.

Christmasmorale, sorry I owe you an apology. The quoting meant I was criticising a viewpoint which wasn't yours.

You don't stop being a mum just because your kids go to uni

It's utter madness, yes theur job as a SAHP has ended but surely they now have time to create some independence for themselves and could get a job.

But it depends on their character. Sone people are freeloaders so they'll be freeloading off the back of they're partner until they get their OAP.

How odd. And why are things shared equally at home if the children are now in school? I am not working and all kids in school (although gently job hunting now youngest is settled in school) so I do all of the housework. All of the cooking. All of general life stuff like appointments and bills etc. As for retirement?! They need to get a bloody job.

I’m seeing more posts like these and am wondering if WFH is affecting views of the employed spouses in these partnerships. Does having view of what the SAHP is does during the day make the other partner resentful?

I’m thinking more of those with school-age kids where the SAHP might have more spare time in the day.

Correct. You become an unemployed mum

I agree- I’m happy for SAHPs. But let’s not pretend it’s just as hard as being a working parent once all the kids are in school.

And let’s not pretend a stay at home mother has somehow done a more important job than their working partner that entitles her to exempt herself from future financial responsibilities of family life once the kids are grown.

You are free to do what works for your family. But continuing unemployment once kids are grown is not a virtue or a right of having been a stay at home parent.

No, what makes your beliefs stupid is the fact that they are stupid.

Being a sahm for 18 years isn't such hard work, so much harder than anything else, that it means you needn't work when the position of being a sahm becomes redundant. That's not something that anyone who isn't deliberately trolling could possibly believe.

I think it’s fine to sit down and have a frank conversation that you are feeling worn tired and would appreciate them picking up some part Time work.

do you want to reduce hours?

at the end of the day to are married , you should be able to be frank and honest

And likewise the working parent doesn’t stop being a parent either. But somehow has to keep up with the shared parenting and household responsibilities but shoulder all financial responsibilities on their own.