Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

I think it’s sweet but personally would’ve preferred hot water bottle, chocolates and a ‘keep out’ sign for my door 😂

What kind of fuckery is this?!

This. I would have loved a necklace, drop of blood symbolism and all! Obviously it really depends on the child: if a girl is starting her period at 9 or 10 years old a necklace would be a bit odd, but only because kids of that age aren’t interested in milestone jewellery. But from 12 or 13 I think it’s lovely.

I think it's a lovely idea, as long as you don't make a great big speech about it!

Plenty of different cultures celebrate childhood/puberty milestones across the world.

That’s a hideous idea

she Will be mortified

Wierd and inappropriate. I hate all that you're a woman shit when girls start their period. It's patriarchal bullshit.

Not weird at all. Weirder that we don’t really mark it in any significant way. People’s reactions show the massive internalised misogyny at play. Absolutely do it OP.

I think it’s your ideas that are nonsense. Where did I say it was all something to celebrate? Obviously girls know that having a period is inconvenient. That doesn’t mean it isn’t significant to them too.

I never found it horrible, negative or something to “panic” about, even with period pain and discomfort; and I don’t know why you would make being female into such a negative thing. Obviously girls need supplies, chocolate if they want it (I never liked chocolate myself!) and heat pads and whatever, but I for one would certainly not have minded a nice necklace as well alongside all of those things! But I was always very pro-women even as a 13 year old.

This whole thread is so negative and anti-female. No wonder periods are considered shameful or just “something to be got on with” in our culture.

It’s weird.

Only if you think menstruation must be all about sex, rather than about a girl celebrating a significant, often inconvenient but unavoidable physical change to her life? Sounds like it’s your patriarchal assumptions that are showing!

I'm really surprised about all these celebrations, Mum's telling people and Dad's knowing. My Mum didn't tell anyone, not even my Dad and especially not my brother. She bought me pads and some new knickers.

Not weird at all, I think it’s sweet & thoughtful. I plan to have a little celebration with my daughter to welcome her into womanhood. Do you my love 🩷

again, stating the obvious is not being anti-female. We ARE female!

You are the one talking about it being shameful and the rest. I am just stating that periods are not something positive we want to celebrate. We are not defined by our periods either! Being negative about periods doesn't make us negative about being female, no one can be that restrictive!

I never found it horrible, negative or something to “panic” about, even with period pain and discomfort good for you. How are period pain not negative?

Teen girls around me do panic about periods and holidays, because for many of them, period and swimming pools don't go together. It's a simple fact.

Lovely OP
we had a pink party for my DD, great fun! She had a pink tiara 👑

Why are we not celebrating our boys first wet dream as well 🙄

I think that’s a good compromise OP.

I didn’t give my DD anything because I didn’t think of it 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ It’s a big life event so marking its significance makes sense to me. It may not be common in western culture but I like it.

I didn’t really like the necklace you chose tbh, and I don’t think it needs to be so literal eg/red. Any necklace is fine and it will be nice for your DD to choose.

As an aside, I’m going to guess the necklace is trending because of your post here - it’s going to skew their marketing metrics 😂😂

The celebration is complete nonsense but I would find it weird if dad didn't know just as much as mum. It's no big deal for dad (or older brother) to go and buy tampax you need and so on.

It's not something that needs to be specially hidden. Nor should it publicly celebrated because that's just very weird

Bit weird tbh. Most young girls don’t want to make a fuss about their first period. They usually find it all a bit gross and embarrassing. I would have wanted to turn inside out at the thought of of my mum buying me jewellery to celebrate.

Cringey

Er, very obviously not the same thing? Does your teenage boy have to carry “wet dream protection” with him to school?

What a downright silly analogy tbh, which betrays some bizarre assumptions about how boys should be defined by sexual pleasure but menstruation is some kind of inverse sexual experience for girls. (Newsflash for you: girls also have “wet dreams”’ where they get aroused in dreams too and orgasm. It’s not remotely the same thing as starting periods.) 🙄

Really, the OP is definitely not the weird one on this thread.

I think it’s a lovely thing to do but I think you need to reframe it. Rather than being shit for the next for the next 30/40 years, it’s a rather a powerful gift that can be successfully navigated. I recommend you reading “period power” and gifting copies to both your daughters. I plan on marking the occasion for my daughter and make sure I never associate my period as a bad thing to any of my children.

I mean honestly:

periods are not something positive we want to celebrate

That really is negative and anti-female and patriarchal and body-shaming. Such a shame to see such internalised misogyny on MN.

@JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen OP I bet you would get some different responses to this on the feminism boards or at a different time than a Saturday afternoon.

My mum threw a family party! Was embarrassed at the time but now think it was very sweet and a lovely memory to mark this time.

Really find it sad women like this are raising daughters to have so much internalised shame at natural bodily functions that bring life

I don't think it's weird at all. I think it appropriately marks a rite of passage.

My first period wasn't embarrassing. I was relieved, I was 14. My mother gave me a hug and took me to a big boots and we chose different sorts of pads to find out what I liked best. She told my grannie.

My dd had her first period aged 10.5 I took her to have her ears pierced to mark her transition to womanhood. I bought her different types of pads, as my mother did for me and a little makeup bag to keep them in her school bag with spare pants, tights and wet wipes. Just in case.

She still tells me when she has her period and she's 27. She tells me far more than I ever shared with my mother.

I'm always shocked when MNetters post that their mothers didn't support them with periods or provide enough pads, etc.