Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

Please don't call her a woman. Just because she has started her periods it doesn't mean she is a woman. My dd started at 11. She was still very much a child who had lots of years of childhood left.

If you want to buy her jewellery do it, but say it's because you love her and want to treat her.

It's telling that I write about inconvenience and you translate it immediately by "shame" to fit your agenda.

I do love that "body-shaming" manages to be thrown into this for good measure

My mum bought me a bracelet, I didn’t think it was weird. I really liked it

Only you know your DD, and if she’ll be happy with it. Who cares what others would or wouldn’t do.

I agree. And no I don’t find anything ‘shameful’ and ‘gross’ about periods at all but it’s literally just another bodily function that’s often an inconvenience and annoyance.

“Teen girls around me do panic about periods and holidays, because for many of them, period and swimming pools don't go together. It's a simple fact.”

That’s because a patriarchal society expects women and girls to carry on as a normal when we menstruate. We shouldn’t be expected to brush our periods under the rug and carry on as normal. We should be given space to rest and respect our bodies. Until we start understanding and respecting we are NOT the same as men, things will not change. Actually celebrating the start of our periods and the marvel of a woman’s body is a positive step in the right direction of reclaiming our power and beauty.

I was going to say 'Bloody Hell!!' but that might have been a bit too like the truth!! Poor kid! I had no idea that could happen. Very glad I didn't know as a teenager!

My Dad bought me a cake, but no massive ceremony nonsense

I think it’s a lovely idea. To de-weird it, package it up together with a bundle of practical gifts: a few pairs of period pants (they are great as a backup for night time), navy blue towels (hospitals sometimes use navy bed linen on patients who are bleeding heavily), paracetamol, and one of those new hot water bottles that you can tie around your waist. And a note maybe giving tips on how to clean bloody clothes: salt, cold water, a soak and a scrub. And some chocolate, of course.

Aw you sound like a lovely mum. You do you. Ignore the haters.

I think it is nice to mark transitions with rituals... but then I read this from Holly McNish.. and wondered..

Morning scribbles
please, when your daughter starts menstruating, at 8 or 9 or 10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17, do not tell her she’s a ‘woman now’. It is a really inaccurate thing to say and it is often frightening for a child or young girl. It was for me. The idea that a girl, on first bleeding, is a ‘woman’ is an idea that has been pushed by certain men in charge for centuries often as an excuse to now buy or forcibly marry young girls. Menstruation is one of many ongoing processes of puberty. It is not a sign that a girl is ready to ‘bear children’. It is still hugely unsafe for a girl in early menstruation to be pregnant because her body is not fully developed. It is all just gross and has heinous undercurrents. A girl who starts menstruating is a a girl who has started menstruating. We don’t tell a child they’re suddenly an adult when they start sweating or growing pubic hair and so on. It’s all a gradual process developing and growing up. So please let’s stop this ‘you’re a woman now’ stuff the minute there’s a first drop of blood. Just help them deal with the bleeding without stripping them of the childhood they are still in.

This makes sense but I think we can and should mark the occasion and use it as chance to prepare for womanhood, not necessarily you are now a woman.

In Hinduism we have a whole flippin' ceremony involving family and friends and lots of gifts. I personally found mine embarrassing,but it was culturally normal for us. So to me, this is not weird. Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitzvahs and Quincineras are nothing to do with menarche, but lots of cultures celebrate what they consider to be the beginning of adulthood.

It’s annoying how early we get periods really. Over half of women don’t have a baby until at least 30 (and that number is expected to climb) yet average age for first period is 11 or 12 😭 Nature can be pretty flawed sometimes.

weird . just buy her pads, new knickers and a shit load of chocolate. Then give her a knowing nod and wish her well. job done!

I think its a lovely idea and will do the same with my daughter when the time comes. It marks the occasion and the the changes starting. I do think that the gift - if it's jewellery should be something that wears well. Vermeil while better than plated will show wear and age more thank solid gold or silver. Get her self defence classes too 💪X

It's strange thing to mark on that way, and mkre so that's its pink and almost drop shaped, bit on the nose?

Nobody has to say “you’re a woman now” to celebrate a milestone in a young girl’s life. However, the OP’s DD is doing GCSEs, and teachers routinely refer to girls that age (and secondary school age more generally) as “young ladies” and “young women”, so I think any girl of 13 or over is probably able to understand that she isn’t being “stripped of her childhood” by being occasionally referred to as a young woman. Getting your period marks a bodily transition that is significant for girls; it doesn’t have to be made sexual or patriarchal or OTT to be celebrated in as low-key a way as anyone wants.

Obviously it’s weird to say sepulchrally to a nine year old that she’s “now a woman”, but McNish is being pretty OTT to suggest a 16 or 17 year old is going to be weirded out by this.

I’m interested in why in a whole thread of women, getting a piece of jewellery from your mum to mark a female milestone is seen as so weird. Would people see it as weird to get an engagement ring, wedding ring, eternity ring or “push present” (to use a recent term)? Why is jewellery somehow okay if it marks a woman’s patriarchal relationship to a man, but it’s “cringey” that your mum might buy it for you? Periods must somehow be embarrassing to mark, or too extravagant. Women and girls should be pretending nothing’s happening, or feeling bad or panicky or “mortified” by it, it seems.

My mum got me a magazine, chocolates and a new hot water bottle. I've never forgotten that. Was really thoughtful and the perfect gift.

That's a societal shift and nature hasn't caught up yet 😅 although not usual now in Western society the most fertile period of our lives remains that young 15 to 25 window when periods are most stable.

To me, it depends on what sort of relationship you have with your daughter. If my mum did that I would have been absolutely mortified, but if you have a really open and loving relationship where she can talk to you about anything at all it seems less weird.

you are confusing so many different things.

We should be given space to rest and respect our bodies we should be given THE CHOICE would be a better option and I am not sure I would enjoy being treated like a second-class citizen unable to have a normal life a week every month.

expects women and girls to carry on as a normal when we menstruate.
when we are talking about a booked holiday or sports competition, what's your solution? Last minute cancellation or re-booking because one girl has her periods? Can you picture the Olympic Games scheduled around girls periods? (I know there are ways to delay or stop them, but frankly it's not ideal and not everyone tolerate the medication that well).

reclaiming our power and beauty. I am hot as fuck, even today. I am very comfortable in my power and my beauty, probably a lot more than when I was 14. I still find my periods a pain in the.. neck.

If we want to be treated seriously, we can't ask for a monthly break. Imagine a G7 summit 😂

I'm equally staggered by how so many posters think that there's no space between 'celebrate!' and 'here's a necklace to help celebrate this glorious day!' and shame/negative/hide-thyself. I've just read several posts like this one - if you don't like the OP's idea, then you're perpetuating negativity around periods.

Given the lovely ideas that people have suggested as alternatives, that's obviously not the case at all. Very few posters are leaning into a negative POV, and it's rather reductive to say that 'this thread' is full of it - it's not imo.

What about rest and respecting your body would make you feel like a second class citizen please 😂

and who’s to determine what taken “seriously” means?

What would be the issue about bleeding on holiday? So what if you leak a bit of blood? What’s so horrific about this?

and I’m not talking about beauty in literal terms. I’m talking about the beauty of a woman’s body and ability to bear life. Thanks to our monthly cycle and the wonder of it!

We should be given space to rest and respect our bodies.

having to "rest" and being unable to keep up with everybody else would. Make me feel like a second-class citizen.

What would be the issue about bleeding on holiday? So what if you leak a bit of blood? What’s so horrific about this?

now I know you are on a wind-up.