Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

I read something the other day, can't remember where, about not telling girls that their first period is a sign they've become a woman because it's part of the idea that they are now sexually available to men and that's not an idea we want to give to young girls. Sorry not worded very well but hopefully you get the idea

I bought my dd some chocolate and a new hot water bottle!

If you want to get her a nice necklace OP go for it, maybe take her shopping to pick something she likes. Very kindly, I’d do this over the one you’ve picked to avoid ‘this is the necklace mum gave me (that looks like a drop of blood) when I got my period’ conversations!! But I think going out and shopping together and letting her be involved in that choice is cute x

I sent my daughter to secondary school with a starter pack in case it happened there rather than home.

At age 12 she text me from school that’s she had started but thankfully she had bits in her bag already.

when she got home I bought her some flowers and chocolate and have her a big cuddle. She had been amazing and dealt with it but did not feel the need to mark it with anything more than that.

plus how can you tell a 9 year old that she became "a woman". It would be ridiculous.

Odd. You’re projecting your own adult feelings and experiences onto a child.

I think it's a lovely thought OP, but if my mum had done this I think I'd have cringed tbh. I'd go with chocolate and a hot water bottle as a pp suggested!

You are making too much of it.
Keep it normal wise she’ll think every change in her body etc is a major thing.

Definitely weird. My kids would think I'd completely lost the plot if I did this

I think you know your DD and whether she would like this or find it embarrassing. Depending on how old she is, some girls feel quite sad when they start their period like they’re suddenly expected to grow up and not be a little girl anymore. I think it’s hard on the ones who start early. So she might actually prefer a teddy bear or something like that to reassure her she doesn’t suddenly have to grow up.

I've taught girls who have started their periods at 9 - hardly a woman.

I'd have died of shame if my mother had done anything like this.

This is so true. I remember being at school and my friend commenting, ‘how come I’m a woman because I’ve started my period but my [older] brother isn’t a man until he’s 18?”

Aw you lot are too sensitive! Is it mildly cringe? yeah. But no teenager isn’t happy to have new jewellery and a mum that is supportive and sympathic with them.

That said, I wouldn’t make a big show of it, I’d just hand it over to her and say a simple “a little cheer up gift now that you’re dealing with all the teenage stuff” and leave it at that! You know your daughter best, do your best not to embarrass her. The period convo is awkward 8/10 times. I’m lucky my family is very very chill and open so I got mine, walked out the bathroom, said i’d start and asked for a pad and my mum basically went “oh cool” and we moved on 😂

Lovely but expensive! My husband bought my DSD red roses, with which she was very happy. I'm shocked by how many people think it is weird. There is so much period shaming in our culture and a little bit of positive recognition about growing up is what young girls need.

oh dear, that is me told! I ran her a bath because I thought it was a nice thing to do, I have always liked it when someone has done it for me. I am totally bemused as to why you find it weird that I a female bought my niece some extra knickers for her stay with me in case she needed them. We had planned to go for lunch anyway as she was with me for a week. I also asked her if she wanted to tell her mum or did she want me to tell her, now I hope this does not freak you out, but she asked that I told her mum. What do you suggest I should have done, flung a sanitary towel at her and then ignored her?

I’m genuinely staggered by how negative this thread is. I think it’s a great idea, and a way of making getting her period a celebratory thing, even if there are negatives that we all know about menstruation. There’s no need for it to be all so doomy and requiring “care packages” - what a way to make being female negative, shameful and second-rate. Why shouldn’t women have jewellery from their mum to commemorate their own life events, rather than it being associated with things like getting engaged or married to men! Or that everything has to be “kept normal” like she’s meant to hide it away or be ashamed of this new experience “in case she wants something any time her body changes”?!? What a punitive attitude to girls and menstruation.

I am going to steal your idea OP. There’s no reason why it has to be the “period necklace” or that she has to call it that to her friends like people on this thread seem to think! It’s just one of the growing-up milestones in a girl’s life, but your mum giving you some nice jewellery to mark it is a lovely thing, thoughtful and celebratory and just for her and celebrating her body.

(And especially rather than tying the idea of “womanhood” to imminent sex — ffs what is wrong with the posters who think that should define a woman?)

I'm not period shaming at all. I am 74, started mine at 11,had just left the primary school. Luckily my late DM was very forward thinking, and I was aware..It was extremely unusual at this age back then.I got berated at work because my son at 3 asked what a tampon was, and I told him, we've always been matter of fact,laid back about periods. We aren't coy,no "special bathroom bins" sanitary products put into nappy bags and put in kitchen bins.

In my culture we have a ceremony to mark puberty for girls and they do get gifts of jewellery. I skipped mine as I found it too cringe(luckily my mother didnt insist on it) but there are many other girls who enjoy it.
For Op to mark the occasion with a gift is pretty sweet. No one other than the Op and her DD have to know what the gift signifies.

I got a big bar of dairy milk and a copy of smash hits gifted to me. Still remember it nearly 30 years later. Small actions mean more.

It is bizarre and creepy to attribute this level of significance to menstruation. Reminds me, frankly, of the focus on virginity.

Buy her a hot water bottle if you want to low-key acknowledge the moment.

I think it’s a nice idea. But maybe give it a week or later (my mum wanted to celebrate with cake when I got my first period and I was much too grumpy at the time to tolerate that!). And don’t necessarily explicitly say why you’re giving it. Just a nice gesture to show your love.

Sounds OK to me - starting periods IS a good thing, a sign that the kid is developing just as they should and is healthy etc. Lots of cultures have things they do to mark kids growing up and hitting certain milestones (although more often for boys). She doesn't have to tell all and sundry what it's for.

Thank you all - I think I’m comfortable with the potential weirdness - I am dealing with a child doing GCSE courses rather than Y6 SATs so the level of comprehension and embarrassment is a bit different.

I will take the advice given to take dd out shopping so she can pick her own lovely necklace.

a way of making getting her period a celebratory thing, even if there are negatives that we all know about menstruation. There’s no need for it to be all so doomy and requiring “care packages” - what a way to make being female negative, shameful and second-rate.

what a lot of nonsense.

Girls are not stupid for a start, they know by themselves what having periods mean. No need to turn it into being female negative, shameful and second-rate, but periods ARE a negative for most girls!
Girls know that periods are a negative when they have sleepover planned, when they are travelling, have a holiday near a beach or a pool planned, a school excursion, a sport competition. Teens panic about these things, and for obvious reasons.

It's so disingenuous to pretend it's all something to celebrate and that girls are so stupid providing them with needed supplies is the one thing that makes period a negative.

I think it’s nice, way back when I started my first period at school I told my mum on the walk home. My dad came in my room later in the evening and asked if he could do anything for me and if I wanted the next day off school.

Growing up working class with very little support from my parents, I remember fondly how much my dad cared and wanted to make me feel good, it was a very rare moment and made me feel really cared for by my dad in particular