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Original poster

Is this weird parenting?

493 replies

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 15:36

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

OP posts:
DeffoNeedANameChange · 03/05/2025 16:44

Buy her a nice little care basket with a cute hot water bottle and some really comfy pjs and some nice smellies etc.

Buy her a special necklace for her birthday, whether she's started her period or not.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 03/05/2025 16:45

I do feel sad for girls who never knew what periods were until theirs started.
I know schools do "sex ed" and thankfully give helpful lessons about it.

Even my boys knew about periods by the end of Primary school, just explained to them enough that they were aware if and when their class mates and sister would have periods.

Balloonhearts · 03/05/2025 16:45

I'd maybe get her something but not something like a blood drop, that's just weird. Like anyone wants reminding of their period.

DecidedlyUndecided · 03/05/2025 16:46

I am quite weird, so I'm not sure how much you want to value my opinion but I think it's a really lovely idea.

Ceriane · 03/05/2025 16:49

I had a friend (back in the 90’s) who’s parents threw her a party when she lost her virginity. Now that’s weird parenting!!!

RaraRachael · 03/05/2025 16:50

@Bubblebubblepoppop long ago sanitary towels were big bulky things made of cloth with a sort of mesh covering them.
They had a loop at each end and you had to wear an elastic belt around your waist with 2 hooks that the loops fitted into so they stayed in place.

LBFseBrom · 03/05/2025 16:51

I think it is a beautiful pendant and your idea of giving her something nice when her period starts is lovely. However that is an expensive item, something less so but bought with thought and care would do just as well.

Nevertheless your heart is in the right place and I am sure she will love whatever you give her.

Ghosttofu99 · 03/05/2025 16:51

People say it’s weird but I remember from reading all the terrifying ‘informational’ period books of the 90’s that it used to be fairly common for families to mark it as a transition into womanhood and call it a red letter day and such.

My mum gave me a wash bag for keeping everything I needed at school and chocolate (especially dark chocolate)

I think jewellery would be lovely personally.

The most important gift is to just be open and take away the shame and stigma imo.

Dery · 03/05/2025 16:51

@JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen - I get your desire to do this and have said YANBU but I have quite a hippy approach to things like this. I think @DeffoNeedANameChange’s suggestion for a care basket with PJs etc is lovely.

LBFseBrom · 03/05/2025 16:52

DeffoNeedANameChange · 03/05/2025 16:44

Buy her a nice little care basket with a cute hot water bottle and some really comfy pjs and some nice smellies etc.

Buy her a special necklace for her birthday, whether she's started her period or not.

I was thinking along those lines, Deffo.

PuddleintheOcean · 03/05/2025 16:52

We were getting ready to go for a family day out when I started my periods. My mum bought me something from the gift shop at the attraction, I guess to make me smile or mark to day in some way. I've never thought it weird and I still have the item (nothing fancy. Generic gift shop thing)
I suppose the difference is that it was a bought on a whim gift; had we not been going out that day she wouldn't have bought me something.
I think I'd have found it a bit odd if I was presented with a preplanned 'welcome to womanhood' gift

drspouse · 03/05/2025 16:53

CrownCoats · 03/05/2025 15:46

I think it’s nice. I’ve been reading The Anxious Generation and one of the interesting points that it makes is that in western culture we’ve lost all of the traditional markers of reaching milestone moments for our kids. More traditional cultures still do this so children know and are treated differently when they hit these milestones. For instance, Amazonian tribes take their boys away from the home for a ceremony for a few days, which might involve competiting a physical challenge, and when they return they are a man.

I’m sure I’m not explaining it well, but I think it’s a great idea OP.

I read this and I think I'd prefer a more practical and also bigger custom. My two recently got confirmed but we'd have liked something like they did at another church we went to once (in the US) where children choose a charity project as their confirmation project, a bit like the Bar/Bat Mitzvah project idea.
My DD got a little cross necklace too which I think she's going to be a bit less embarrassed to wear.

suburberphobe · 03/05/2025 16:55

Weird. And she might be cringing at the thought when she would prefer not the whole world to know.

JoyousEagle · 03/05/2025 16:55

Ceriane · 03/05/2025 16:49

I had a friend (back in the 90’s) who’s parents threw her a party when she lost her virginity. Now that’s weird parenting!!!

😱😱

suburberphobe · 03/05/2025 16:56

OMG @JoyousEagle. Yes, utterly weird. That poor woman.

MarxistMags · 03/05/2025 16:58

Eeeewwwww ! 😜

CurlewKate · 03/05/2025 16:58

I have a little charm my mother gave me when I started my periods 40 years ago. I gave my dd something similar. I really can’t see why people think it’s weird to mark an important occasion…

ChampagneLassie · 03/05/2025 16:58

I like it I think it’s nice idea.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 03/05/2025 16:58

Ceriane · 03/05/2025 16:49

I had a friend (back in the 90’s) who’s parents threw her a party when she lost her virginity. Now that’s weird parenting!!!

Oh my god 😂😂😂

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 03/05/2025 17:01

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 16:28

98% of girls start by the age of 15. This is the point at which to go to the GP. But 2% of girls - so two or three in every secondary school year group - are later. If you do intense sport, particularly things like dance and gymnastics, you are likely to have a delayed menarche.

Show quote history

If she's that far behind her friends it may just feel, to her, like a "congratulations on finally catching up" thing.

Chocolate, carbs, a sappy film, a pj day, hot water bottle or microwave cushion, a gentle bit nice face wash and cream (cos we all spot up with them), and things to actually help her with it would be better.

I'm a big fan of useful gifts. Something that will help you through. For example what I remember from having DD is who brought us a massive box of wipes or who fed me. I couldn't tell you who bought which outfit for her most part and so on. From when I first came on I remember my mum cracking open my favourite ice cream and telling me that I would find it hard but to do what felt good while it was happening. Not whether anyone bought me anything.

seriouslynonames · 03/05/2025 17:01

It's a nice necklace. If you go ahead I would not frame it as her 'transition to womanhood'. I still remember with horror what my dad said to me the day I started my period 'i hear you became a woman today '. It makes me cringe as much now as it did then.
Maybe just buy her some choccy or a fluffy hot water bottle when she starts her period and just give her the necklace as a 'i saw this and thought you'd love it' gift.

bumblebee3122 · 03/05/2025 17:01

I’d make her a care package instead. Some different pads and tampons to try out, a hot water bottle, some chocolate, maybe a face mask, and some paracetamol and ibuprofen for if she needs them. Something to make her feel more comfortable about her period.

Original poster
JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 17:02

Thanks @Ghosttofu99 I will
definitely get her a little wash bag and some dark chocolate too - it’s a good idea. I will have a look through other jewellery but I did think that one was very pretty.

OP posts:
Swallowdoubleandrunamile · 03/05/2025 17:04

I think some jewelry to mark it, is a lovely idea. A keepsake. Agree with PP, it will be nice for your DD to look back when older, and appreciate the gesture. A nice memory for you both. It's not weird at all.

Ponoka7 · 03/05/2025 17:09

Pluvia · 03/05/2025 16:07

Not at all weird. Lots of cultures have celebrated the time a girls transition into womanhood. As others have said, ritual is very important to humans. Marking an important change in her life is a perfectly natural thing to do and teaches her that menstruation is a positive thing and not something to be embarrassed about.

That's what 18 and 21st birthdays are for. In the UK, we tend to see children as children. The rituals were about taking on adult roles. The boys would go hunting and fight in battles, the girls could be married off. Girls in many countries will have to spend their periods out of the family home, in a shed etc. They will have to leave education.
We used to have debutante ball, so girls could go to the highest bidder. Thankfully we now just see it as a biological change. The hormones rage well before pads are needed. Many girls have started in my GC's class, aged 9/10. They are at least eight years away from womanhood.