Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

Oh this kind of thing is a real thing where I live! (It's a very 'knit your own yogurt' type town).
They do all sorts of (to me) weird things to celebrate menstruation and so on.

But if it floats your boat, and you don't think your daughter will be embarrassed by it, then I think a necklace is great!

In Mexican culture they mark it by giving the girl a Quinceañera party at 15.

very odd, one of my nieces started her periods when she was staying with me, I ran her a bubble bath, took her out for a nice lunch and bought her a set of dark coloured knickers. I think this was a reasonable way to mark the occasion. A necklace is just bonkers!

teenage me would’ve died if my parents did such a thing.

Nice necklace for 13th birthday.

When period starts, huge chocolate bar, pamper products/hot water bottle and a cuddle.

we took our daughter out for dinner and a film to celebrate/ commiserate her first period because I’d seem the Mum on the Cosby Show do the same and it seemed such a nice idea!Our younger son seems to be the only one now who remembers this as we had to have a brief word about periods out of earshot and he was aghast! I used to like wearing navy blue when I had a period because I thought a leak wouldn’t show so much because that’s the reason Butchers aprons are Navy …

My parents did this and I remember it as traumatic 😂 they were trying to be new age and I just felt horribly observed - literally the opposite of what a hormonal teenage wants.

You say the OP is odd, running your niece a bath like her arms don't work and getting her new knickers is far weirder. And you went out to lunch for an occasion of it. That's all far more awkward and more celebratory and from an aunt, not a mother.

Have YOU have periods ever ?!

get our daughters to see periods starting as a positive milestone the better, too much negativity already associated with being female imo
I see a lot of positivity in being female (in the Western World we do have the best of both worlds frankly) but aside from being a necessity, there's nothing positive in having periods, at best they're an absolute inconvenience.

menstruating life effectively one quarter of it can justifiably be spent comfort eating chocolate and wallowing on the sofa
many women have shit periods, shoot us. Even if they are light and pain free, they are still a nuisance.

I don't think it is that weird. We went on holiday to Sri Lanka for a family wedding and my then 11 year old DD was desperate for hers to start there, as it is traditional to spoil a girl and give her jewelry and treats. She was very disappointed when it began a few months before we went in boring old England. Her dad did bring her a giant bar of her favourite chocolate. But we are very body positive and want her not to feel any shame or embarrassment about a very normal transition.

Yeah, they are shit. All the more reason though. Everything sucks have a necklace. Why not?

Transition to womanhood? Some girls start their periods at 10 years old. I don't think you should be telling a ten year old that she's reached womanhood. A woman is an adult human female. She's not an adult.

in western culture we’ve lost all of the traditional markers of reaching milestone moments for our kids

we celebrate birthdays (on MN people don't, but in real life people do!), special birthdays every few years, riding their bikes, end of primary and secondary schools, exams, sports achievements, successes, then first home keys..

We celebrate plenty of milestones through our kids life. It's a good thing.

Not weird at all. We celebrated with our daughter.

Me too 🤣

Yes I agree. I hated being told that starting meant I had ‘become a woman’, as I really didn’t feel like one… still felt like a kid.

What a bunch of arseholes on this thread. I think it's a lovely idea and something I would have done if I'd had daughters. Women's bodies and particularly anything gynaecological or menstrual-related are kept so invisible and shameful and it's really unhealthy imo. In fact, I think most of the unpleasantness on the thread is people's internalised misogyny talking. In your shoes @JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen I would take her shopping to choose her own piece of jewellery though. Jewellery is very personal and it would be nice if she loves and treasures it.

I am definitely going to buy myself a present when the damn things stop!

A couple of years ago my friend told me her DIL had given her daughter (my friend’s granddaughter) a “promise ring.”
A promise ring? I asked, believing that those rings were what young men gave their girlfriends before they became engaged.
She told me no - a promise ring (in their mountain community) means the daughter promises to never have sexual intercourse before she’s married.
She wears it on her left hand ring finger.
Tfe little girl was 13 years old.
And it’s pretty weird. My friend had her first two children out of wedlock - I wonder how that really made her feel beneath all the excitement.
I didn’t say a word except “that’s good.”

I really, really dislike the phrase '...to mark her transition into womanhood' when talking about children. It's wrong on so many levels.

When my DD had her first period, we went and bought some sanitary towels and a doughnut, and chatted about how she feeling on the walk home. No drama, no 'ceremony,' just positive, pleasant and led by her.

I would have disliked the necklace idea intensely and I would have been very upset about being told that I was 'transitioning into womanhood.' I was a kid and happy to stay one for a good while yet.

But this isn’t a promise ring. It’s just a nice necklace. not sure what the connection is?

Of course I've had periods 🙄 pretty much out the other side now in fact, but was appreciate that I was able to use tampons and latterly a mooncup so my periods were relatively trouble free and certainly never stopped me doing anything.

If periods are genuinely really troublesome then obviously that should be addressed but I believe it's a smaller percentage of women that have bad periods so I would see no point in starting the "nuisance" and "periods are shit" mindset from the off?

It's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about in our society in fact!

Lots of cultures celebrate the onset of menarche. It's seen as a rite of passage.

How do people around the world celebrate periods? | ActionAid UK

I think there's a lot of baggage with the word woman which there shouldn't be. On you way to becoming a woman is accurate. The problem is is that it has traditionally meant more than that, or been used to denote more than that at least.

It reminds you of the sort of man who used to say things like "if she's old enough to bleed she's old enough to breed" 🤮 And it shouldn't, it should be a neutral term. It IS a neutral term.

If your son gets some bum fluff and everyone kids and says "look he's a man now". It doesn't freak anyone out. Because man is a neutral term. You wouldn't post that we shouldn't say that to him.