Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

Some cultures ban woman who are menstruating from the house, they are banned from making meals and have to live off site.

yeah look into what those Amazonian tribes and others do (or at least did) to those boys........

I found starting my period enough of a reward in itself. Because I was three months shy of my 14th birthday and beginning to get a bit concerned.

it used to be a thing in the Laslie Kenton era....... special spaces at fairs and festivals hung with red flags for menstruating women...... I don't think it ever took off in the real world.

My mum gave me that sort too - but on the day my period started. She showed me how to put them on myself (cringe) and I felt humiliated by the whole event. The belt / hook up thing was horrendous but it took me a few years to dare to use a tampon! I seem to recall they weren't considered ok for younger teens?

I had no idea how long periods lasted for and got caught out thinking it had stopped when it hadn't and being out with my family without any pads and having to ask my mum, who told me to use toilet paper. God, it's so memorable 50 years later!

A present would have embarrassed me even more since it would have been broadcasting my status to my younger siblings and my father.

Happily, my own daughters don't seem to find bodily functions of any kind embarrassing to discuss with me! But I never thought of buying them a present, other than sanitary pads.

A belt? Sorry I'm lost... Why?

Only on MN could a nice and well meant gesture be turned into something ‘weird’ !!

to mark her transition to womanhood

since you asked
I find this so awfully cringey

I would have thought my mum had gone nuts if she had given me jewellery.

I think it makes it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. I think if I’d been presented with jewellery I’d have thought, “oh shit, this must be really significant” and I think it would have probably made me a feel a bit overwhelmed about any kind of “you’re a woman now” sort of thing,

I should have joined that culture the day I got married and had children, sounds blissful

I know someone who let their DDs have their ears pierced at that stage in their lives

98% of girls start by the age of 15. This is the point at which to go to the GP. But 2% of girls - so two or three in every secondary school year group - are later. If you do intense sport, particularly things like dance and gymnastics, you are likely to have a delayed menarche.

just because something is "well meant" doesn't make it non-weird.
We have enough examples of "carefully chosen gifts" which are utter tat 😂

Periods are not a big deal for everyone for a start, some are still little girls and very young teens when theirs start. I absolutely cannot associate "womanhood" with a primary school girl, it's just not right. It's also dangerous if periods = women. Again, children have their periods! (some have)

On a personal note, sometimes you start to have period pains etc, periods are massively inconvenient, and not something to celebrate.

This would be a lovely gesture IMHO. As long as its accompanied by chocolate 🍫

I think it's a thoughtful gesture. Whether it's weird depends on how you give it. Sure, you can make it weird, but, you know, don't do that. You know your DD.

Grim

Really fucking weird.

DD was 11.5 when she got her first period. I would hardly call this "transition to womanhood". She had two friends in Y6 who had their periods.

Centuries ago mensturation was seen as the event a girl became a woman, girls started their periods quite a lot later, between 14-15, and it was seen as the event to marry them off if the parents wanted to gain something from a marriage. Hardly compareable to today.

DD would have been utterly embarrassed for me to have made a fuss about it, she did appreciate the chocolates though.

A belt? Sorry I'm lost... Why?

There were no sticky pads, they had loops to attach to a belt to "keep them in place".

(In the loosest possible meaning of that phrase!)

I think it is quite sweet!

My mam bought me a little mini make up bag to keep my pads in for my school bag, that was sweet. I'd have been mortified at a piece of jewellery.

When I was a day from age 13 half way down the stairs something happened. I went to the toilet and saw it for the first time. I shouted on my mother. She proceeded to pass me in a sanitary towel & said that's your period started I'll buy you your own now. That was the end of it. I liked it cause there was no fuss and she made it feel perfectly natural.

Did the same google search point out that 90% of girls start by the time they are 13.46 years old? So… if your daughter has not started yet, she is in the 10% who haven’t. I think you should be less concerned about buying jewellery and take a sensible moment to just consider whether she is of a healthy weight, eating a balanced diet, not anaemic etc.

I think, and this was what you asked in your OP, that yes it is very weird parenting to be so focused on trinkets that you are thus defensive at the suggestion that you should consider double-checking DD is ok.

I didn't dare putting it like that
but yes, absolutely this.

I think its completely bonkers and your daughter will probably think so too. But defos the kind of thing that as an adult she'll find special- a nice memory. I say do it.