Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

This is such a weird thread. People pearl clutching as if OP is about to pimp out her daughter.

She is stepping towards womanhood. It should be recognised in some way. Doesn't necessarily need a big celebration. But it is a milestone similar to first steps, first day of school etc. it is worth remembering in a positive light. Personally, I think it can contribute to one's sense of self.

Honestly why are u asking? If it feels right then do it !!

The sentiment is lovely but no tbh its a bit weird x

Sorry that’s weird.

I started my period at 13, I was at my friends house and was mortified. Stuffed tissue in my pants and called my dad to come and collect me.

when I got home I went up to my mom and whispered “I’ve started my period”.

the next day I went to my nans, who “congratulated” me on becoming a woman and gave me £5.

I then had an influx of cards over the next few days and EVERYONE seemed to know!

I was soooo embarrassed!! It was awful and I wish my mom had just kept it to herself.

we had the talk a few years before, my mother periods were never hidden from us as kids (even my brother!) and we all knew where the sanitary wear was in the house.

there is absolutely no need to “glorify” something that is completely natural for a woman. You will embarrass your daughter and whenever she looks at that jewellery she will be reminded of that embarrassment and will never wear it.

could you imagine “oh, that’s a nice necklace/bracelet/ring”….. yea my mom brought it for me for staring my period.

don’t do it. 🙄

How about a vial of her blood around her neck.
Just like Angelina Jolie

Now wondering why no-one bother to gave me a placenta necklace for my first child. and umbilical cord rings for the next ones.

😆 Why would she need to tell her friends why her mum bought her a nice necklace?

You were embarrassed about your period, but why would OP’s daughter have to be embarrassed about her period? All these negative posters projecting their own past embarrassment onto the OP’s DD!

Anyway, inspired by this thread, I’m looking up necklaces, as I asked my DD today if she might like something like this when she starts her period, and she loved the idea.

Luckily, DD’s birth month is July. So she can always pretend to anyone who asks, that it’s a red stone to celebrate the calendar month of the arbitrary date she emerged from my womb, which was renamed two millennia ago in memory of a dead Roman emperor, and assigned a red gemstone for marketing purposes in the twentieth century by the American jewellery association. Because that is much more socially acceptable than something personal to her own experience 🤣

I think it's nice. I remember that starting periods was a hush-hush affair and something you pretended wasn't happening. Basically a big cloud of shame descended. I like the idea of making it something positive and celebratory despite the pain.

I think it very much depends on your relationship with your DD, what she is like, and if she’d actually like the necklace. Many girls that age would be super embarrassed if their parent made a big deal out of it like this, but only you know if it’s appropriate, considering the relationship you have with her. I wouldn’t push the idea that “she’s a woman now” and all that. She’s just started her period. She’s not a woman. I remember starting my period at 13 and crying for ages about it cos I thought it meant I was a woman now and my childhood was gone. I also had no adults to talk to about it, which was very tough. I would have loved if I’d been able to tell my mum and she’d reacted positively with a little “celebration” or something with a movie night and popcorn just the two of us of something like that. I’d be weirded out if she gave me a necklace though and doubt I’d wear it in case someone asked me why I’d got given it!

Just think it’s embarrassing for them. It’s a natural, normal experience and not really something to be celebrated.

Negative posters ”projecting” , it’s literally been put it on social media to get opinions, and people are saying it’s weird and not to do it!

it was socially acceptable when I was 13 lmao?! How old do you think I am? It’s still not something k would discuss openly now or shout from the roof tops.

my daughter (12) has just laughed at this post and said how weird and embarrassing it would be to make a “big deal” out of getting a period.

I don't think periods are specially embarrassing, but I can understand the issues for teens. I do think they are PRIVATE, and not something I would want to really discuss with people? It's no-one business surely?

Why do people have to tell the world about every single detail? When it's your kid's periods, it's nothing to do with you anyway.

I would find it highly disrespectful to discuss their private business with anyone.

Well it is a negative for a lot of women, my periods are and have always been absolutely horrendous. They have affected every part of my life in a bad way. So no, I would never assume it's something to celebrate

We declared we were happy Mother Nature had done her job and went out for dinner with our daughter ánd her brother 😊

Not weird, it's marking something significant in a woman's life.

Considering other cultures and faiths mark adolescence more publicly than a piece of jewellery, I can't see the grounds for objection.

I think the idea is lovely, OP.

Ah, then we should definitely mark the occasion for young girls with silence, embarrassment and shame in that case?

Why are people still saying OP is making things “public”? Because she’s buying her daughter a necklace? Is that the same as putting up a flag or something? I never felt embarrassed by my period as a teenager - yes it was inconvenient, messy and sometimes painful, but why should it be “mortifying” and hidden? Girls talk about their periods to each other, and to their mums, and even to teachers in school - unless there’s been some kind of new Victorian shamefulness descended since I was a teenager. I don’t know why all the posters on this thread have such weird hang-ups about periods — not remotely like women I know in real life.

why do you insist on having to "mark the occasion" at all?

In some cultures, first period is a reason for celebration, so this wouldn't be completely weird.

In Tamil culture, the celebration includes family and friends! I still remember my mum telling me how embarrassed she was when her mum (my grandmother) told everyone when my mum got her first period and invited people home for a celebration! I'm so glad my mum didn't follow through with the tradition when it was my turn 😂

I even found a link about it: https://tamilculture.com/coming-of-age#:~:text=A%20puberty%20ceremony%20is%20usually,she%20is%20fed%20rich%20foods.

I don't have a daughter, but if this is something private between a mum and daughter, then why not.

Don't have any DDs but have driven my DS out of the village until he kills a lion. Honestly might be a bit weird, just buy the biggest bar of chocolate and a years supply of sanitary stuff. My mum never bought these for us, her 3 DDs and we were painfully shy none of us could go into a chemist to buy proper sanitary wear. My mum didn't have periods as her dr had told her she could just carry on taking the pill without a break because of bad pms. So it just didn't occur to her to buy it for us and I don't know why but we were all too embarrassed to ask her. Thank god times have changed. In that spirit maybe buy her some jewellery but maybe not the red stone.

Lovely necklace, by all means give it to her, but don’t link it to her period. X

Why not? My DD loved the idea. It’s a positive way of celebrating a girl’s changing identity. DD is 12 and her friends all talk about whether they have started their periods or not. When I was a teenager we were all desperate to start our periods and were jealous of those who had!

Perhaps someone should have taken us aside and explained that we shouldn’t be eagerly anticipating it, because it’s such a horrible, negative and mortifying experience, and we should just pretend it doesn’t happen because female bodily experience is so disgusting and shameful?

I don't think it's weird at all and I'm surprised so many do. It's to mark a transition and many cultures and religions do that. It doesn't require explanations, such as 'I got it when I had my first period'. It's just a loving mother daughter gesture recognising another step along the road to maturity.

I actually think it's a very nice idea! I know my own daughter wouldn't have appreciated it at all.. she did like her TLC pamper kit though!
You know your girly better than us though. If you think it's something she would like and appreciate then go for it!

I think it’s a lovely idea. It depends on your relationship with your daughter and whether you think she’d like it. None of us here can answer that. I know someone whose daughter recently started and she made her a self care box and they got a take away to celebrate. It’s a milestone for you as well as her.

I think it's a lovely idea. I'd hide it inside a little basket of practical things - hot water bottle, pads etc.

I done a similar thing, I made a little gift basket, included a nice necklace, a book on puberty, a diary to record her periods and moods, some chocolate and a few more pamper bits and pieces. She loved it and I hope it turned something that I found scary and overwhelming into something less so and more positive