Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

JillAndJen.......

Honestly, why would you even need to question it??!! Don't tarnish the lovely sentiment by requesting anyone's input on here.
Those devoid of imagination will kill the vibe....
You do YOU!!
The necklace is perfect.

For what it's worth, a few years back i told my daughter that when she starts her periods i will buy her a big red velvet cake - and she held me to it!! I got her the cake, plus a bunch of red roses, and a handmade card from Etsy congratulating her on becoming a woman.
This was almost 5 years ago now, and she still remembers it fondly!

Celebrate everything, and embrace weirdness🥳. Life is absurd!! Enjoy.

You probably need to work on your own insecurities then tbh and why you feel the need to compare yourself with others

There are posts after posts on this thread expressing negative sentiments - that the idea is “cringey”, embarrassing, mortifying, periods are “nothing to celebrate”, that menstruation is sexual (eg. comparing periods to wet dreams!) and quite explicitly saying they are horrible and shameful. Where are all the positive posts you’re referring to with lovely alternative suggestions for gifts? A packet of sanitary towels and a bar of chocolate is hardly the same as a piece of milestone jewellery, so the alternatives mostly suggested are not exactly celebratory.

When I was about 13 in the 90s, my best friend received a card from a French cousin that announced that she had started her periods. It took us ages to accept that’s what it meant because we could not believe you’d tell everyone about it.

That sounds bloomin' amazing!! I celebrate absolutely everything - and i'm British! X

When my girls started their periods I had a little box of stuff they'd need - all the usual, but also some extra bits and bobs. My eldest had a pretty room decoration (like a long string with beads and paper elephants to hang up and catch the light). Anyway, point is, we have moved house 3 times and the decoration makes the cut to be put up in her new bedroom every time. It's a special thing that her mum gave her to mark a slightly scary and important point in her life. Nothing weird whatsoever about acknowledging that getting your first period is a big deal, and that you, her mum, are there for her.

Bit weird and “cringe” to respond to the idea of the power and beauty of femininity with the retort that you’re “hot as fuck”.

Looks like it’s you who associates femaleness with sexuality and its relation to patriarchy. Giving a teenage girl a lovely gift from her mum to mark something significant in her life as a woman is weird, but thinking of yourself as “hot as fuck” is not. Hmm.

I have agreed with my DD that she can have her ears pierced (if she still wants to) when she starts her period to mark this new stage. I don't think it is strange at all but actually very lovely.

I actually love it and I’m surprised by all the comments!

@JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen I think it is a LOVELY idea. It is a massive moment, a huge thing. And, as some of us know, it will not last forever. It is the start of a critical era in her life.

I think it's so sweet and kind and loving, and thoughful, as a mother, to do this. Yes do it. I don't doubt you'll also give her all the support through coping with the physical experience of menstruation, and fertility, but this is saying from mother to daughter, 'This is something special'. I think it's perfect to celebrate landmarks in our life. We only have this once. xx

This is weird - having a period is not an achievement, it is part of being a teenage girl. But having said that, there are 'first tooth' charms or whatever, I am not sure who gets it - the mum or the child?

A jewellery gift is good just like that - because your daughter is special to you, not because her period is special. You can get a better piece of jewellery for your child - if you go to pawnbrokers or an antique shop - the same amount of money will buy you something in real gold. Something small, but real. She will be able to sell it or exchange it for real jewellery in the future too.

I think the sentiment is nice but the whole transition to womanhood thing is not good. I don’t think periods make you a woman as you start them as a child.

i don’t think it should make you more mature or anything.

My DDs would be mortified and never wear it

🤣🤣🤣

But a positive experience doesn't need to be a 'celebratory' one. As I mentioned upthread, me and DD walked down to the shops, chose some sanitary stuff together, bought a doughnut and pottered back, chatting about how she felt about it all.

It was neither a celebration or 'horrible and shameful.' It was nice, led by her, warm, loving and what she needed. There are many similar posts that frame periods positively, without 'celebration.'

Reading those posts, it's clear that many women talking about their negative feelings around periods are not necessarily what they're passing on to their DDs.

As you can tell from the other comments, it isn't a bog standard thing to do when your daughter starts her period, but I don't think it's necessarily weird.

I think it depends on your relationship with your daughter. You know her better than any of us. If she likes jewellery and you have a close relationship and starting her period is a big deal for her etc... then maybe it's appropriate for you. She might feel the necklace is a kind gesture and better than a meal or a pamper set, as she can keep it forever and perhaps wearing it will remind her of your love for her and how you supported her growing up.

I think it’s weird.
Buy her some nice cosmetics and a lunch the two of you - don’t mention her period and don’t do a ’cheers To your period’ with her Diet Coke 😅

You are the one talking about power and beauty...but keep going 😂

I just can't.
Get a life.

Dd just told me over the phone, as I was driving home from work. She'd already sorted herself out. We made more of an event over getting her properly fitted for a bra. But I suppose that's reflective of my focus. My mum used to go on and on about periods and menopause and all that. I hated it. And she got me in the wrong size bra for years!

I would have liked this!

@DearThea

Reading those posts, it's clear that many women talking about their negative feelings around periods are not necessarily what they're passing on to their DDs.

I read the thread very differently! It sounds very much like lots of women are passing on their own negative feelings around periods. Lots of them - one only two posts down from yours! - explicitly say “don’t mention her period!” or say their DD would be “mortified” if they had followed the OP’s suggestion (try asking most teenage girls if they’d like a nice piece of jewellery and I bet they wouldn’t actually be that mortified).

Treating periods like something that are “mortifying” or can’t possibly be mentioned seems really exactly like passing on negative ideas about periods to me. No?

My own teen daughter and her friends would be absolutely amazed to discover periods are such a HUGE deal for MN posters 😂

I am glad they have all seem to be raised keeping everything into perspective and not over-reacting about it. I must be doing something a bit right as they have no problem discussing the subject with me or their mums, so there you go.

It's not discussing periods that is cringing and embarrassing, it's mummy making such a huge fuss about it. It's obvious some posters don't have any teen in their life!

It was another poster who mentioned power and beauty, but assuming that means being “hot as fuck” (ie., sexually appealing to men) is really very weird and telling.

Periods are negative awful things, but telling everyone how sexually appealing to men you are is normal and fine? Celebrating a girl getting her period isn’t beautiful, but being “hot as fuck” is? Okay!

Are you advertising for John Lewis OP?