to think many grandmothers actually do not want to do childcare?

[onlytwo]

I go to a regular toddler group and there are many older women there with their grandchildren.

Been talking to them and many of them do not want to do childcare but have been pressured into by mostly their daughters but also their sons. Their children often think they are delighted to be looking after their grandchildren but often it is a huge struggle for these women (and it mostly women). They feel like they can't take a break because their children rely on them for childcare because of the cost of nurseries and general cost of living. They no longer have the same energy levels and also often have health issues.

Also grandfathers are usually not pressured into doing childcare and are rarely expected to give up their job when grandchildren come along. Their life mostly remains unchanged,

I feel the expectation of women to keep doing childcare is unfair and is coming from their own daughters. Some of the older women are frail and struggling to keep up with young children.

When talking to the mums, they say their mums love spending time with their grandchildren and looking after them. That is not what they have said to me.

That is not often the case though.

Same here. It was expected in my community that my grandparents would provide childcare and my parents just expected it. Yet they don’t feel obliged to pass the favor on!

My sister looked after 2 grandchildren loads, then the next 2 not quite so much but still a day or two a week. She was on the surface fine but underneath was a simmering mass of resentment. She wouldn’t come up to visit me even for a week as was worried she would let them down. That woman used to bitch and moan and whinge to me down the phone about it almost every bloody week

I don’t have grandchildren yet, I would do childcare but very dependant on situation at the time. We are travelling a lot from now on, just retired in our fifties and bought a Motorhome. Just been away for just over a week and are off for a long weekend next week. If DS at 24 suddenly announced a child was on its way apart from the fact it would be unplanned as he has been with his new GF 2 months I wouldn’t be doing it week in and week out right now.

We live at least 250 miles away from all our families. We had MIL look after kids for 3 weekends in total and my Mother helped out for 2 weeks when DS was born. That was it.

https://www.goodto.com/family/family-news/more-than-half-grandparents-look-after-grandchildren-while-parents-at-work-but-whos-more-likely-to-retire-early-to-help

Data from Age UK shows that women are nearly three times more likely to retire from their jobs in order to care for a family member, and that doesn't include the number who have gone part time or reduced their working hours to better fit around their childcare demands.

But still lazy ageist boomer generalisations. ( I am not a boomer).

It is the women who often give up work or reduce their hours to look after grandchildren not men who keep working.

I agree that it is usually Grandmothers. They still need to say no and refuse to be bullied into it. I'm sure they would still see the GC if Grandmothers were interested in ad hoc babysitting.

I may have missed it, but I haven't seen anyone acknowledge that very many grandparents are having to support the generation above them, as well as being expected to help with grandchildren

To spread it even wider, after my parents died and we siblings got older, my sister became frail and needed help (unmarried, no kids) Sadly she died at the end of last year. So now I no longer have that responsibility, what next? Starting with my own children, my parents and then my sister I've done over 40 years as assistance human. But I'm selfish if I don't want to pour my new found free time into caring for my grandchildren? That means I don't want a relationship with them? Of course I do. But I want no more days filled up with commitments.
I want some freedom before it's too late.

The government should not pay grandparents to look after their grandchildren. No wonder the country is broke.

Many posters have said on this thread they will not get to see their GC if they do not do childcare,.

Do many people still have great grandparents?

I imagine many babies/toddlers do. Mine have.

Sounds like my mum.

@EntropyCentral I meant statistically..:

I’ve said YABU on the basis that there are quite a few grandfathers at my DCs school who are the main childcare providers for their grandchildren. There are a few grandparents (couples) who also do drop offs and collections too. I always think these children are very lucky to have that relationship and grandparents who will do this as my children don’t have this. I also think wow how the hell do they do it as some of them are really old. There is one man who hobbles in everyday and the smile on his face when his grandchild comes out tells me he’s very happy being the one picking his grandchild up.

I missed those posts. That's just awful, especially if it is full time.

I will be very clear if mine have children that I won't be doing regular childcare but I'd be open to ad hoc babysitting.

So it’s ok for GPs to have to give up well paid jobs in order to look after their GC with no financial help then? GPs save the government millions in nursery fees!

Yep. And fair enough, times have changed - I'm not asking for when the equivalent that she had. But when I asked for help - just as a one off - her response was ' well he's your child'. Yeh, just like I'm her child... and she got her mother to babysit me and my siblings all the time!

Well, we don't talk now, so she's lost her daughter and her grandchildren.

So it’s ok for GPs to have to give up well paid jobs in order to look after their GC with no financial help then?

Who forces their parents to give you up a well paid job to do childcare?!

I think you can claim national insurance credits if you give up work early to care for grandchildren but I think that's it!
My in-laws had DC for a week each summer holiday but that was because they wanted to. They would also babysit for us to go away for our anniversary. In their 30s they still have a lovely relationship with MIL. Unfortunately, FIL passed away a few years ago.

Patents can ask grandparents to do ‘childcare’ but if they then insist how the child is to be looked after then the grandparents should say ‘absolutely not’! If you hav3 stric5 rules on how a child is brought up then pay for a professional carer and pay accordingly!

It’s a very difficult situation.

Grandparents need to make themselves less available, there is no need to feel under pressure to accept all childcare requests

Parents need to think about their childcare needs before they have children

No, neither are ok. Parents are responsible for arranging childcare and covering the costs.

I’m amazed that she can resist your charm and grace tbh.

There may be quite a few grandfathers at your DC school but the stats show it is overwhelmingly grandmothers who do the childcare.