Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

[Seventell]

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

You didnt read my thread. I said that ive been to groups in England too.

People have been quite cold.

Heres an example.

When i lived in spain i remember the first group i went to. The group organiser came up and spoke to me, and asked me where i was from. He said "if you want advise on any other groups to go to, I can give you that. Let me know if you need help with anything "

I went to a group in the uk today. It was a meditation and coffee morning. I went over to say hello to the organiser. She ignored me and went off. She didnt even say hello back.

I went over to say hello to a few other people. They werent rude to me but they seemed completely unable to have a conversation with a stranger. Their attitude was very "i dont make small talk with strangers" and they seemed shocked that i even spoke to them. They kind of mumbled at me.

The only person that spoke to me for any length of time was a lady from venezuela.

You were at a meditation class 😂

Do you often struggle to read the room?

I’m European, but I much prefer living and working in the UK. Everyone I’ve worked for/with back in my home country has been overbearing, nosy, intrusive and overwhelming. Over here, people leave me alone.

Only a minority were involved in those and most countries have protests about immigration from time to time

That saying means that english people dont show much emotion.

Until they come out of the pub at closing time on a Saturday night. LOL

Where abouts in England have you moved to OP? I'm a scouser and it's definitely not like that in the North West! I have found people down south to be a bit "toffee nosed" as my nan used to say. 😂

Do you have any actual friends OP, or do just go to groups of strangers and expect them to warm to you? Also, why did you leave Spain?

Ha ha I missed that. Everyone is trying to meditate and OP is sulking because no one has offered to take her to a museum yet 😂

Where abouts in England have you moved to OP? I'm from the south east and it's definitely not like that down here!

Do you regularly go 0-100 in your responses. Overkill mate

Seriously, a meditation class is last place people want to chat!! They go for silence and quiet contemplation. Join a club where people want to talk, like a book club. I joined one. I didn't know anyone and I got such a warm, friendly welcome.
Where are you in the UK? I moved from the south to the north and find people so friendly in Yorkshire. The first time I went out to the shops, three strangers stopped and chatted to me. I thought "I'll never be lonely here!" And I was right. People are lovely in my city.

YANBU. I’m English but now live in the States. People are just so much friendlier here, and I live in a big, transient, ‘melting pot’ city. They’re just more willing to help you, or to strike up a conversation. When I was apartment hunting, my broker asked me all kinds of questions about my hobbies and interests and then offered to introduce me to another client of hers who is a similar age to me and shared the same interests. I literally can’t imagine an estate agent in the UK doing that.

As several people have said, don't mistake reserve for emotional coldness. Brits do take longer to get to know but you can make very close, lasting friendships if you give it time.
I feel you're being very negative OP. You're focusing on all the bad interactions you've had but I'm sure you've met some lovely people too. Try to see the positive in people, even if they initially appear reserved. It pays to have an open mind. We're not horrible, honestly!

This happens all the time in Yorkshire! My sibling from London visited and went to get her phone repaired at a local shop. She was taken aback at at how friendly abd talkative the shop assistant was. She felt they knew each others life stories at the end of it.

I think there are variations and nuances within the UK that more likely result from regional variations, north and south, urban and rural, city and market town, type of job/ work/ profession etc. I left a creative job in an organisation where people were warm and it was like a big family, and took up a different profession in a different organisation where I (initially) found the culture cold, detail orientated and transactional by comparison. I've discovered in my case it's the nature of the work, as opposed to the people. It took me longer to get to know them (not much chit chat during the day) but once I did, they're as warm as where I used to work.

Spanish people are 'known' to be lazy and French people are 'known' to be smelly. Do you think those stereotypes are true? I don't.

I wouldn't like my boss asking personal questions.

I'm struggling to see how english people have been cruel to you?

Define north and south though. For some, north is anywhere north of London, for others it's Birmingham. But regardless, I've met loads of absolutely lovely, down to earth, warm people in Devon, Cornwall, Somerset (South) and Norfolk and Suffolk (East), Wales (west) etc as well as in the north of the UK. The south doesn't just include London and its surroundings (and actually, I work in London and have likewise found many that are not toffee nosed).

From your last post, I think the problem is your lack of ability to read the room.

the bloke in your Italian group was clearly a gregarious character, enthusiastic, greeting everyone including you. There are people like this in every country, you can spot them and respond accordingly. There are people of every country who would hate this intrusive waste of time and just want to get on with the class.

the meditation organiser was clearly quieter, possibly focussing on her task ahead. But you weren’t able to read this, and bulldozed on ahead with an unwanted greeting.

the group of people at the meditation were probably friends, having a private chat. Again, you failed to spot this, and barged in to interrupt their chat, which is honestly kinda rude. There’s a time and a place to say hello to everyone, and it wasn’t this time or place.

I've asked her several times for specific examples where people have been Cruel but she won't - apart from saying one post was Cruel because it said OP came across as having a sense of entitlement!

Hyperbole I think

A boss bringing you cakes every day is beyond weird. Like she’s trying to buy your friendship , trying to make you like her. Massive people pleasing red flag. That would have been my post not that some people are more reserved than others shocker.

So you have never heard about Marie Le Pen? Italy's Northern League? The AfD in Germany? Italy is such a friendly and welcoming country that it is shipping migrants to Albania to prevent them setting foot in the EU.

I think that you simply aren't getting it. Some people in any country don't want to engage with total strangers, and that is absolutely fine. You have utterly no right to expect them to fit in with your expectations. But you are coming across as xenophobic, and nastily judgemental. Which undoubtedly goes some way to explaining why people don't want to talk to you. You are judging an entire country based on some limited experience of working in one place for a couple of weeks. And you think there is something wrong with the English? There is something very wrong with a grown up who expects everyone around her to fall over themselves to help her sort out her life or buy her cakes.

No I agree it’s an extreme reaction. Enotionally stunted people are far more likely to over share than under or to trauma dump. People are reserved I think the op means.

i mean the ops reaction.

You sound pushy and entitled.

Maybe it's you?

Not reading the whole thread, as I'll just get irritated ... I sympathise, OP. I had reverse culture shock when I came home after living in Brazil. All the people seemed afraid somehow. Tight body language, little eye contact, muted response to anything. I mean, there are plenty of things I prefer about the UK but this isn't one of them.

I've never been to Finland but I'm told (by Finns) they make the English look over-emotional 😂