Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

[Seventell]

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

I am not English by birth and I dont agree with OP.

Eh? Just because your boss is cold and reserved and your colleagues are too doesn't mean the English as a whole are cold and reserved. Some workplaces are like that. Others are warm and friendly.

I don't know if you're trying to be goady or what, but it's nonsense.

I live in Austria and a lot of Austrians have told me how much they like English people because apparently we are open and uncomplicated and have a great sense of humour.

As for the Austrians, they are a mixed bunch, as are all nationalities, most are extremely polite and helpful, especially in tourist areas but it takes a long time to actually make genuine lasting friendships with them.

"I havent offered any examples" .

I havent even been online for the last hour and a half as i was at a meditation class.

I doubt anyone on here is spending their whole Saturday on mumsnet!

Haha!

Go on, then - what do you mean by "cruel"?

Or maybe one of my parents has dual nationality. My dad does. My dad was born in england. My dad is english and also one other nationality. Because his parents are from a different Europran country. So my dad is english as he was born in england, but he is culturally not very english, as he has a lot of his parents culture. Eg imagine two spanish people moving to england and having a baby. The baby is English but will have a huge amount of Spanish culture.

My mum is not english at all. She was born in another european country

So I can keep up with what ive said. Its you who sounds ignorant as you seem to think that people are only one nationality. I'm dual nationality, and so is my dad.

A lot of my good friends are also dual nationality. One is dual american and irish nationality. Another one is dual swiss and spanish. Another of my friends has dual portuguese and irish nationality. Her mum is portuguese and her dad is Irish. Loads of people are dual nationality these days. As people from different countries meet each other, marry and have kids. Or just move for work.

I think English people expect a certain amount of autonomy in others.
I have worked here, in the US and France. I’ve had nice bosses, indifferent ones, and ones who were unbearable in each country.

The OP has an unpleasant writing style. If this is how you converse in real life OP, it’s hardly a surprise that people haven’t been falling for over themselves to be friends. You might want to take a lot at yourself and how you communicate before you start criticising an entire nation.

I wanted to make this point too, that someone can be reserved but that doesn't mean they're cold. They're two different things. I'm fairly reserved (even for an English person!). This comes from shyness mostly. However, no one that knows me would ever call me cold. I've often been described as warm, nurturing and loving. I suppose I might not demonstrate those qualities when I first meet someone, as I'm reserved. But as soon as someone gets to know me, they won't think I'm cold. The same can be said of a lot of people.
Also seeing the English as cold and reserved depends on who you're comparing them too. Yes they may seem reserved compared to Spanish, Italian and Brazilians. They may seem way less reserved than other northern Europeans like Germans, Norwegians and nationalities like the Japanese.
I have friends and colleagues from places like China, Japan, India and Sweden who've all told me that they find the British funny and friendly. I also know people from Latin countries who say they find the British reserved and overly polite.
So it depends on who you ask and their perspective.

Haha so predictable!

Anytime that anyone comes on mumsnet and posts about any issue, someone ALWAYS comes on and writes "maybe its YOU thats the problem".

Maybe its not always the OP that's the problem? I remember seeing a thread where a woman wrote about getting bullied at work. Posters came on and wrote "maybe its you thats the problem " to the OP. But maybe there were bullies at her work. We arent there.

Or maybe we have healthy boundaries. How I am with close family and friends is different to how I am in my professional life.

Immigration is a problem right across Europe right now.

I suspect your expectations and behaviour at work is quite unusual, and people are trying to figure you out.
I also suspect they have picked up on your sense of entitlement to energy and effort being put into a relationship with you, and your judgement if that does not materialise.

I’d look at going back to Italy, if I were you. Seems more like your sort of place.

Did I hit a nerve?

Well you definitely illustrate perfectly what I wrote, don't you. You're being cruel and cold. Blaming me and telling me to go back to italy.

I am considering going back to Italy or somewhere else, next year, thank you. I dont need you to say it to me

The good thing is that people can move around quite easily these days.

So in what specific ways have English people been "cruel" to you?

I didn’t tell you to do anything! And I wasn’t cruel- I was just imagining how you’d come across irl, given the way you’ve expressed yourself here.
I then told you what I’d do if I were you.

And yes, you’re very snippy. I’d be cold and reserved towards you too.

You werent cruel?

You wrote that i had a sense of entitlement.

Sorry, what in your post was kind or positive or even neutral?

Nothing was.

I'm snippy? Eh look at yourself.

I just went to a group today. It was just like a coffee and chat meetup. I was sitting next to a woman from venezuela.

I didnt say anything about how i had been a bit miserable in the UK, and I was lonely.

As i was going into a group with new people and i wanted to be positive, and meet new people.

The Venezuelan lady told me that she was really lonely in the UK, because in Venezuela everyone is so kind and friendly. She said that in venezuela " everyone treats everyone like a friend."

She said that people hadnt been kind to her in the UK. She said she was lonely. Thats how i feel. Its just really lonely.

And before anyone tells her to fuck off back to Venezuela, she is here in the UK doing a masters degree.

I just feel lonely here. But im going to try and keep at it and keep going

its entirely your choice op. No one else here responding is unhappy at work, or miserable in the country they live in; the responses have been unanimous that yours isn’t their experience. So you can either get defensive and dismiss criticism of you, or you could self reflect and take steps to make your own life happier. It’s your choice.

i remember an Australian girl (NAAALT) who I worked with in London about 20 years ago who used to constantly declare how shit London was and Australia was soooooo much better. Every single one of us thought she was a complete twat.

I wouldn't expect my boss or colleagues to be anything other than professionally friendly. I certainly wouldn't expect them to be looking up information for me or inviting me out.

Just caught up on the last few posts. How on earth can’t you see op that you’re dishing it out all over the place, but can not handle whatsoever anyone responding in kind back?!? It’s an extraordinary lack of self awareness.

Cold and reserved are two different things. One is positive, the other one is negative.

I find where I am in England a very difficult place to make friends, compared to when I lived abroad. I miss the spontaneity of chatting to someone in a park and then swapping numbers, joining their friends on a night out and being welcomed quickly into a new group. I have very few friends here, although lots of acquaintances who I make small talk with, but it's much harder work. I'm also very lonely. Everyone is very formal, whether they like to admit it or not. When I take my daughter to the park if we go in the evening, there are more foreign families around (all the Brits are indoors), and they're much friendlier and the kids are so much easier for my daughter to approach and spontaneously play with.

I find people from the UK in general pretty friendly, especially around Liverpool and the Scots will talk your ear off.

Maybe it's the accent 😜

Depends where you are in the UK, for your generalisations to be true about a small island country.

But if you want to have a bit of a chat with a stranger, just go to Scotland and sit on a bus near the pensioners. You'll end up finding out you are related to them within 15 minutes. Doesn't matter if you're from another part of the world, they will find out a connection.