Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

[Seventell]

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

I think being from Liverpool and living here all my life it's a bit of a culture shock when I go to other cities and people aren't as friendly. There's even a difference up the road in Manchester! 😂

Wow. Haha. I am English

I am English by law. I was born in England . I also have one parent who was born in England.

I have a UK passport.

Who are you to say im not English? How far back do you want to go ancestor wise, for someone to be english?

I bet that not all of your ancestors were born on this patch of land either! Everyones families have moved around at some stage.

Im English and im also one other nationality, and im complaining about the english side of my culture.

Everyone does that. We feel comfortable to complain about our own culture.

I have a friend who is swiss and spanish. She will complain about some spanish people never being on time. She likes that swiss people are always on time.

She still loves spanish people though of course. She just complains about what she sees as the negatives

I got on great with her, I have to say! We still talk now.

Ive adjusted my own attitude at work.

I was very used to the open, emotional, very friendly way of my workplace in italy.

Everyone was like my best friend. We all went out for dinners. We all laughed in the office, and I read poetry with my boss.

Im afraid that if im like that now, it will be seen as " too much "in my workplace in the UK.

So ive adjusted myself to become more reserved. Instead of going in and asking them about their week , their families, are they going anywhere nice on holiday this year. Ive just been talking to them about work. Its just a different culture. Theyre more reserved, so now im more reserved.

You do start to become like the people around you!

Ive adjusted my own attitude at work.
I was very used to the open, emotional, very friendly way of my workplace in italy

In most work environments this kind of behaviour would be considered ‘too much’, a lot of people don’t see work colleagues as friends and don’t want to have open and emotional chats with them especially about personal issues and their personal lives

You read poetry with your boss? Ok.

Did you also scream in the Sistine Chapel?

No the UK is definitely much more reserved in this regard, than other countries.

I worked in Spain aswell, before i worked in Italy. Everyone was much friendlier at work in spain aswell.

in the job in spain, everyone was friendly.

Except for two of my colleagues in thst job - who were English men. Everyone was friendly and chatty, except for two English men that i worked with. They were difficult to talk to and reserved. I found both of them very hard to talk to. Its just the UK culture.

Its just a completely different culture in the UK

Yes.

See thats how brainwashed you are, that you think sharing a common interest with your boss is not even possible!

It’s not brainwashing, a lot of people don’t trust their employers and for very good reason a lot of the time

Well thanks for all the replies. I dont want to discuss it anymore.

In my opinion a lot of English people are a lot more cold and reserved than other countries. Thats just how it is. Thats their culture.

I think part of it comes from attitudes that have been passed down. England as a country was often the aggressor in world history in the past, and i think it has left some people with a cold, aggressive attitude. And a lack of empathy for others.

Not all people. But some. There are also of course many lovely English people

Have a nice day everyone.

It's been ten days.

Well since princess has spoken no one needs discuss your rude nasty view on their own culture.

You have a very inflated sense of self it's very off putting

As he/she is not coming back now, I feel I can say that I've never come across anyone on MN with such a lack of self-awareness! One of the most entertaining threads I've read. I'd love to hear the other side from his/her colleagues and meditation group members (both British and overseas)! 🤣🤣🤣

I have been to manu social gathering and have also noted the nativw Brits are more reserves. I seem to get on well with the whole group but whilst the south asian ladies would make a plan for the next meet up, the native Brits almost never do. My immigrant neighbours tell me to pop in whenever and my native British neighbours need to make a plan …. A long way ahead.

it takes longer to establish friendships with the native Brits than people from other countries. I lived abroad where everyone was an expat and it was the same there

Thank God this has ended. Please take your negative, nasty, racist, stereotypical views elsewhere.
Disgusting thread and disgusting final comment.

Brainwashed? How very odd you should say that about me when you are the one who seems to have assimilated some very set ideas and seem reluctant to change your views or listen to other ideas.

I don’t have a boss (I am the boss!) but share interests with many of my colleagues, socialise with them, and have built genuine friendships with many of them. I really do like the people I work with.

I have never, however, heard of a boss and employee reading poetry together. I can’t put my finger on why I think that’s odd. But I do. Maybe I am just a philiistine.

think part of it comes from attitudes that have been passed down. England as a country was often the aggressor in world history in the past, and i think it has left some people with a cold, aggressive attitude. And a lack of empathy for others.

a generations back my ancestors were Irish and back a bit more french then Scandinavian

so I think my “cold aggression” comes from reading shite on Mumsnet and not my Englishness

😆😆😆😆

Thats exactly what the OP has been saying throughout this thread.

You've described the coldness and reserve very well.

OP, this is silly. You’ve been living in England
for two weeks. You’ve basically got the level of insight of a first-time tourist. Come back after you’ve lived, worked and socialised in England for a couple of years.

I think part of it comes from attitudes that have been passed down. England as a country was often the aggressor in world history in the past, and i think it has left some people with a cold, aggressive attitude. And a lack of empathy for others.

Perhaps it's not the place for you then.

I’m in the south; I’ve never had any problems making friends. Inside or outside of work. It’s probably easier to dismiss an entire country as cold, reserved and unfriendly than consider the possibility that there might be something inherently dislikable about you, that means people aren’t particularly inclined to be friends with you.

Reserved, some of us might be. But we’re also very good at spotting insincerity and superficiality from a mile away.

I’m a bit more ‘reserved’ with people and I’m an adult mum of 2.
reason - Covid lockdown immediately into a pregnancy, mat leave, went back to work part time and am on second mat leave. Lost friends who didn’t want to know me after the first baby, gave up with people by the second and now don’t know how to talk to people

nothing about the UK being an island! Possibly lockdown and social media!

oh and possibly rude assumptions from strangers….

Spent yourself slagging off the English have you?

The word reserved has lost all meaning you've said it so many times.

One thing I've noted is you seem to know the ancestry of every single person you know. How do you know, do you interrogate them on their bloodlines? There might be a reason people are swerving you.

That doesn’t just apply to the UK though as even though I previously worked in London, I no longer work in the country and see it here as well, that’s my point