Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

[Seventell]

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

Thanks! Yeah i have been up north before and the people were definitely friendlier ip there!
Im down south at the moment with my job, but maybe i could movr later in the year.

Maybe England is just not for you?

Why are you equating reserved people to being unfriendly and emotionless @Seventell

I think some people that ive met, have been more than reserved, they have been unfriendly and cold.

🤣🤣 you need to look at yourself, lonely with no friends and colleagues have no interest … ask yourself why?!?’

Such a bully you are with your nasty words and your little laughing emojis. Still here stalking me? I have loads of friends thanks. I have no English friends. But i have friends from loads of other countries.

Sorry you’ve had that experience. I’m quite a reserved person and I probs do take a bit of time to get to open up to new people. However, I’m definitely not emotionless or unfriendly. I would hope I come across as authentic and empathetic, just not loud or in your face.

What type of industry is your job in?

Good for you. Doesn’t help you much though, does it, as you are in this country, on a public forum being rude about the people who’s country you are in! You are the problem.

You clearly don't have a clue about England or the English.

No one has ever accused Geordies of being reserved 🤣

Your comments have an undercurrent of racism OP. We aren't allowed to troll hunt so I'll follow others and report.

Your comments have an undercurrent of racism OP

What are you talking about?!?!

I tend to find other cultures more welcoming than English culture. I tend to find most people want something from you or you to do something for them. I never ask anyone to do anything for me and never would. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only people I can rely on are immediate family as most people seem to be out for themselves and I think that’s some of what you are encountering. I don’t think anyone means anything by it, I just think it’s how they are. Also if people are in groups of friends they are generally most unwelcoming to anyone new. It’s not an easy situation, and yes, I’m English.

Yes it does help me , as people of other nationalities live in England too. The Venezuelan lady i met today, has asked me would i like to get a coffee with her next week

So thats nice. No im not the problem. Your attitude is a problem. But can we move on. You've said the same thing may times now

This is so sad for you OP. I could tell you a very different experience of my time in Italy where I experienced rudeness and covert racism. But I don’t judge Italians by this.

I am British, born and bred and I love the English/Brits - whatever!

I myself am very friendly, gregarious and really like people in general and so I can have a chat with anyone. Even the ‘cold and reserved’ among us!

Maybe you cold make more of an effort!

Kindly...it's been two WEEKS.

I've moved a lot, lived in various countries, and my experience was it takes at least six months to feel settled.

Two weeks in, with so much change, you'll be feeling very discombobulated and that magnifies everything.

I'm none of the things you describe, I'm very outgoing (and English! 🤣), so you would probably find me more immediately friendly than those who are less extroverted, but that doesn't mean they are "cold" or "emotionally stunted", it means that they like to get the measure of people first - whereas I do it as I go along.

Go back to your groups and as people see you more they will open up more. It's more of a slow burn than an instant blaze.

I'd much rather have solid friendships that develop over time, than superficial friendliness that goes nowhere else. I'm sure, deep down, you would too - but you have to give it time. Two weeks really is no time at all.

That’s certainly not true of everyone. I’m a very nice boss and have time for my wider team too. People know they drop me a message and i’ll be available to help. I might not stretch to bringing in daily cakes, but not practical with such a large team anyway. Certain regions are also friendlier on the whole, i’m in the south east but am northern, and I find the people here colder on the whole, but there are exceptions of course. Pretty sure every Italian boss wasn’t as nice as yours either.

Thanks.

Yeah its not just about developing friendships.

I also mean how easy it is to talk to people.
When i was working in spain and italy , i could chat so easily to people in my jobs. We had a laugh, we were a team. We chatted away about things outside work

Here in my job in the uk, i might ask a collegue how their weekend was, what did they do. they look at me like they are shocked that i asked. I'll get a one word reply back.
They are just so much more difficult to talk to. Its just a different culture. I have to get used to it

Don't bother.

You've had your arse handed to you on the transwoman breastfeeding thread. I don't have the motivation to engage with bots/trolls

Yeah i'll definitely give it more time. Thanks for the post.

So have you … don’t get people that move to another country and moan that it’s not the same as the one they just left 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
PS, if you need to find art museums, it’s called Google.

On the contrary, I did not

But I see you over here being equally as unreasonable / angry and nasty as you were on the other thread,

They're not. But they respect people's boundaries and privacy. I would find someone really rude if they started asking me lots of personal questions about what I like to do with my time.
It's absolutely fine to take time to get to know someone.

Well you definitely illustrate what i wrote about in my opening post anyway.

Your posts are a clear example.

I know how to find art museums on google. Its about the kindness. My boss at the time kindly told me about which art museuns she thought i would like.

Oh im just remembering something else that she did. I told her that i liked poetry, and we had a long chat about poetry. She told me about italian poets that i didnt know about. Then she used to find the poem online and call me in and show it to me. Nothing to do with work, we both just really liked poetry.

Ah it was a great time.

That's just that reserve, it'll pass.

I'm a boss and a colleague - if someone new asked me about my weekend I'd say something like, "Good, thanks, yours?" because I don't know them well enough to go into detail - give it time though, and they'll be getting chapter and verse about what I did.

It really all is about time - then you'll discover what we're really like! 😁