Is this sleeping arrangement for ds unfair?

[Yaaaal]

Ds is 3.5. He is still in a cot. He’s quite big for his age so it’s getting close to needing to get rid of the cot but we want to do it when we move house (hopefully within the next six months). He sleeps absolutely fine and doesn’t seem bothered about the cot but obviously having never been in a bed he doesn’t know any different.

Mentioned this to a friend recently and she was horrified. AIBU to keep the cot for a few more months as it seems fine?

Get him a toddler bed or take the side off. He shouldn't have to wait on a house move.

We moved our dinky 2.5 year old when he was able to rock the whole cot in an effort to escape. A big 3.5 year old could probably tip the whole thing over he day it occurs to him.

A cot at that age I think is quite late. I would not be horrified but quite surprised

Is this not murder on your back?

I was delighted to get rid of the cot sides so I could sit and read or give them a cuddle without leaning over.

Surely the sides come off? They are usually designed as cot beds.

As others have said, get him used to this now rather than in your new house when he might be unsettled.

I can understand not getting a new bed yet but keeping the sides on this long is a bit bonkers.

I do agree that he needs to at least have the sides off now and not to leave the whole transition for when you move.

However, I do see how "doing what works" can just drag on until you suddenly realise it's past time to change. Yes he's too old for a cot op but it's not unusual to cling on to stuff until your attention is really drawn to it, I doubt your original intention was to keep him in "toddler mode" don't worry! But now you have thought about it and had some good advice here. Replace the bed now or take the bars off the cot - probably he'll just roll with it no drama, and if not you will all find a new normal and it will settle very quickly. Good luck!

What does it matter, unless it’s a risk for him why change anything. He is happy and content, he wont be in it forever. My daughter slept in a small child’s bed next to ours till she was 5, only way for any of us to get any sleep. Her brother was in his own bed and own room at 18 months. DD also had a dummy and blanket till she was 5 also. She is a fully fledged adult now, own house since 18, lives in a different city than me, and has her own business. So no adverse affects, and no the dummy didn’t ruin her teeth, in fact her teeth are perfectly straight. Honestly, just do what’s right for you and your family, ignore everyone else.

The way people overthink.

Your child is happy so why would it be a problem? None of mine were still in a cot at that age, but unlike your son, my boys used to climb out and also jump.

I'm not sure I even really understand what 'problem' is being invented here, or what your friend could possibly be 'horrified' about.

I think it's fine but I would take the side off if you can. My son is nearly 5 and he is in a cot bed with the sides off. However he still walks past the bathroom to our room to tell us he needs the toilet in the night! Our daughter has just turned 3 and she's still got the sides on her cot although we'll be taking them off soon as we get more into potty training. Neither of them ever tried to climb out so we didn't see the rush to change anything.

If he can’t get in and out of his own accord uyou are very unreasonable.

And he never will use the loo overnight while he is in a cot with sides on.
He will also never be able to get himself up in the morning.
He will also never be able to go and find OP if he needs her for something in the night.

Or he will try to climb over the sides of the cot which is potentially dangerous.

It's all very well saying "well he doesn't do those things at the moment" - they are age appropriate things for him to be doing.
Better to remove the possibility of him climbing out than assume because he hasn't done it yet, that he's never going to do it.

I agree with everyone saying to make the change now. I know from personal experience with my eldest that moving to a new house and having to get used to a new room is very overwhelming at that age. Throw in a new bed, and the stress will be very high. When he sees his by then familiar bed in a new room, he'll have that as a comfort at least.

There is currently a big problem with parents who are either lazy, overindulgent, or a combination of the two, obstinately refusing to potty train their children before they start school, or even to admit there is a problem with expecting teaching staff to change the nappies of children old enough to be writing and reading full books. Literally no attempt was made to toilet train my husband's nephew until he was nearly four, of course as part of a wider "gentle" parenting approach where a now six year old is allowed to; decide the whole extended family is not going to be going on a pre-planned and pre-paid outing; hit and throw things at grandparents; aggressively tell adults having conversations in the same room to be quiet; eat a bowl of melted chocolate/Nutella every day for "dessert"; engage in protracted bedtime battles frequently lasting until midnight and audible from the street; wiping dirty hands and mouths on adult's clothing; deliberately teasing baby cousins/friend's babies by giving them toys and taking them away to make them cry, and then throwing tantrums when being told that the baby might be crying because their toy was taken away (of course doting mummy told him that he of course had not had anything to do with the baby crying, and everyone knows he plays so nicely with babies!).

I’d probably take the sides off if you can so he can get in and out but as long as he’s not too tall for it then I don’t see the issue. We moved my eldest to a cot bed at just turned 2 (because we needed his cot for his younger sibling) but he stayed in the cot bed until turned 4 and we recently moved him to a single bed as he was asking for a big boy bed like his friends rather than because he didn’t fit anymore.

Being dry at night has nothing to do with being potty trained during the day for school. OP's DS could be perfectly potty trained in the day but like many many 3yos, wear pull ups at night. Nighttime dryness is driven by a hormone that kicks in around 4yo and can take up to 6yo for some children. You can read more on the NHS website or ERIC website (the bladder and bowel charity with lots of potty training resources). Maybe start your own thread about your nephew as there's clearly some things you want to get off your chest but don't come on OP's thread claiming that parents are lazy / overindulgence when she hasn't even mentioned daytime potty training.

Why on earth is he still in a cot? What does he do when he wakes up and he can't go and get a toy or a book or whatever?

Mine were all into beds by 18 months at the very latest. I've never heard of a child in a cot at that age. It's going to be harder for him to adjust to so much change so start now.

How does he get to the toilet? Does he have to climb over the sides?

That's clearly for your benefit rather than the child's though.

How does he go to the toilet if he needs to overnight? He's bound to be out of nappies a while ago and 11 hours is a long time for a child of that age not to have access to the toilet.

This is ridiculous for a 3.5 year old (any medical issues aside)

If you transition him to a proper bed at the same time he will be transitioning him to a new house and room then I think you will be asking for trouble

A 4 year old in a cot? No

Theyve said its rails

Hormonal??? Wow this I'd love to hear, do tell! 😂😂😂

so not a cot bed? What is your reasoning? I don’t want to judge a parents parenting, but surely it’s safer to remove them as a child of that age is able to climb and get hurt. It’s not fair for them to be restricted at that age

DS was in a cot (sides off) until after he started school because we didn't have room in our old house and I didn't want to buy a bed for him until we knew where we were living. We are a very short family so he had plenty of room. It never bothered him and once we moved his room was the smallest room so he needed a cabin bed. He's still in that now despite being a teenager and still loves his room (lots of people on here say you only little kids should be in cabin beds).

Ignore what other people say and do what suits you and your family.

Its called vasopressin. Its the hormone that controls urine production.

Many friends have said not to rush changing him as they did it earlier and it was awful and the children wouldn’t fall asleep without the parents there, or would be in and out of their beds all night. So yes, I won’t deny it certainly is partly for our benefit (we like sleep!) but also very much for his benefit too. Sleep is essential and it’s great for him to get a full nights sleep and to be able to fall asleep by himself. We will change him over in the next few months as I hopefully get time to sort out his new bedroom and bed, but I also wanted to wait until he had more understanding and patience to stay in bed once it’s nighttime, which I feel he’ll be a lot better at now.

Whilst he’s brilliant during the day with toileting he’s a long way off being ready to go without a nappy at night. He’s soaked in the morning. Obviously we’ll try to encourage him to use the toilet during the night when he does move, but I don’t see it being something he’ll be ready for for quite a while. Perhaps that’s just because he’s restricted in his cot, but he never a wakes to ask to use the toilet so I really don’t think it’s that.

Previous poster is correct, it’s called vasopression which signals the kidneys to produce less urine at night to avoid waking.

I’m a nurse and my ds was toilet trained in the day at 2 but was still wetting at night up until he was in year 1 at school but medical professionals don’t tend to look into other causes until 7 or 8 but that hormone does have to develop for night time dryness, it just develops younger in some children than others