Is this sleeping arrangement for ds unfair?

[Yaaaal]

Ds is 3.5. He is still in a cot. He’s quite big for his age so it’s getting close to needing to get rid of the cot but we want to do it when we move house (hopefully within the next six months). He sleeps absolutely fine and doesn’t seem bothered about the cot but obviously having never been in a bed he doesn’t know any different.

Mentioned this to a friend recently and she was horrified. AIBU to keep the cot for a few more months as it seems fine?

My concern if he is big for his age would be about room. At this age they tend to move around quite a bit in their sleep if the cot restricts that then I would feel he needs a bed. Plus obviously room for growth. Mine went fine from a cot to a toddler bed it didn’t affect how much sleep they had.

My older two were both in cot beds with the rails up until roughly 3.5. They'd never tried to climb out, they never asked for the change, and they both generally slept well so wasn't keen to change anything but I do think I couldn't have kept them like that much longer, it wouldn't have been fair. We put a bed guard on one side and the other side was against the wall anyway. Neither of them ever tried to climb out in the night for no reason and we never had any problems at bed time or anything either. I think the bed guard and the wall did probably help though as they probably still sort of felt enclosed. Except they obviously could get in and out via the bottom end of the bed.

I think as long as you do it before they turn 4 it's alright even if on the later side. But I'd do it sooner if they try to climb out or if they get upset and want the sides off etc.

That being said I wouldn't leave it until moving house, I think that's got the potential to make the transition harder, not easier. It's even more change at once than is necessary.

As others have said can you take the sides off?

I would just take the mattress out and make a floor bed for now.
As others have said, not many 3 years olds are night toilet trained. But they should be able to get up when wake in the morning and go to toilet, take off their pull ups and put on some pants so not saying in soggy pull ups longer than necessary.

I moved our ( very big) babies out of the cot at about 2, because once they could stand up and try to get out, there was a risk of them falling - once their centre of gravity is higher than the edge of the cot, they could easily tumble out.
So if youve removed the side, and they still fit lengthwise, then it’s ok to keep them in the cot. But it must be an enormous cot for a tall 3 year old to fit in it comfortably!

The sides need to come off.

When are you toilet-training him then?

Can he get in an out of it independently? I wouldn’t be wanting to lift a 3.5 year old out of a cot!
But as long as he has enough room to stretch out and move around it doesn’t matter. If you’re talking a small cot rather than a cot bed maybe you should think about swapping it for a toddler bed now though, they’re not much bigger than a cot. I got one second hand for my DD just got a new mattress.

We have 3 young ones twins are 2 and been in there own beds and room for around 6 months and the single is 4 and he has been in his own bed and room for just over 2 years. Single goes to toilet alone when he needs it love the no nappies now and the twins have just started to go to toilet themselves and stay dry all night. Did the same for our teenagers prefer independence than reliance for us

Being dry at night isn’t something you can teach, and not many two year olds are dry at night. Some will be but it’s a hormonal thing.

What is move is delayed... do it when suits child not house

Yeah I think it’s weird. Presumably if he’s a large 3.5 year old he can climb over the rails which is literally a sign to move him. Can’t you just take the rails off?? Then it is like a little bed. Do that for another few months then buy a single bed. He can’t be going to school whilst still sleeping in a cot.

It might not have rails. My DDs cot is mesh sides.

You need to get him used to a new bed now, so he has something familiar when you move house.

All I'd say is what happens if you aren't able to move house within the next few months?

Mine only moved out of their cot because it was needed for their baby sibling. Which meant the twins were perhaps in cots a little longer due to lack of space. But they were cot beds so the side could be and were taken off. If you can do this, it would certainly save you lifting your toddler in and out.

Otherwise, If he's getting too big, I'd consider setting the cot mattress up as a floor bed Montessori style to help the transition into 'big boy bed'. While floor beds should have ventilation underneath, considering the hope is for a few months at most, this might be an easier, and certainly cheaper set up if you don't know what sort of bed might be best in your new space.

At about 18 months my second could drop the side of her cot with the assistance of her older sister! We learned this when they both appeared in our bedroom wearing huge smiles of How clever are we!

Ours slept in their cots with one side removed until 4/5 as space was a premium. No issues.

How does he get up for the loo?

That seems very strange to have cot sides on at that age. There was a post on mn recently about a small child who was also in a cot with the sides on. It blew my mind, but many many other posters seemed to think it was normal and even beneficial. Research cited was pretty unconvincing though - one small very niche study that everyone had latched on to.

100% what I was wondering.

The obvious answer is he probably isn’t dry at night (like many, many three year olds) and therefore isn’t using the loo overnight.

Completely agree, unless there is a medical reason why not.

Is it a cot or a cot bed which is bigger and can adapt over time? Also, have you checked the weight limit etc?

I think 3 and a half is way too old for a cot with sides. House moves don’t always go to plan, so what happens if there’s a significant delay? You surely won’t keep him in a cot past 4? I agree with others that it’d be better to get him used to a new bed now, then the new bed moves with him into his new room, thus providing continuity rather than lots of changes at once. The cost to you of buying a new bed is the same if you do do it now or however many months down the line.

for space reasons (3dc in a small 2bed flat) we had the same until we moved when youngest was 3yo. we took the side off the cot when dc was a year or so though, as dc was a climber.

it's fine.
it's not a permanent situation.
alternatively you could put the matress on the floor. but as dc sleeps well, why change it?