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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this sleeping arrangement for ds unfair?

147 replies

Yaaaal · 03/05/2025 07:23

Ds is 3.5. He is still in a cot. He’s quite big for his age so it’s getting close to needing to get rid of the cot but we want to do it when we move house (hopefully within the next six months). He sleeps absolutely fine and doesn’t seem bothered about the cot but obviously having never been in a bed he doesn’t know any different.

Mentioned this to a friend recently and she was horrified. AIBU to keep the cot for a few more months as it seems fine?

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 03/05/2025 08:33

Matronic6 · 03/05/2025 07:45

I think you would be better getting him the new bed now. Then it will be familiar safe to him when he moves. Rather than a new bed and a new room.

This… new house and new bed will be too much

Start the bed as a safe space now to help the new house transition

As an aside your poor back must need the transition

Wolfpa · 03/05/2025 08:34

How do they get to the toilet when they need it?

ThejoyofNC · 03/05/2025 08:35

You do realise the new bed can move house with you?

Reallybadidea · 03/05/2025 08:36

I don't think any of my children went to the toilet on their own in the night. They were in night nappies until reliably dry at night. A small child taking themselves to the toilet at night doesn't seem very safe to me.

FallingIsLearning · 03/05/2025 08:37

Yaaaal · 03/05/2025 07:35

No the rails are still on @GRex

Can the rails be taken off?

My daughter was in her cot bed without sides until she was 8. Effectively it was just a smaller bed.

I think I would want to get the rails off, if you can. (How does he get in and out if the rails are still up? I would be a bit worried about accidents if he is climbing up to get out of them to go to the loo in the night, or to play if he wakes early.

Pragmatically though, if conveyancing is well under way, the situation will change in a couple of months, so I don’t see how things would be significantly different.

However if you are only just starting to look at houses/own house not under offer yet AND the rails can’t be removed AND you can fit it in, I would get a new bed now. 6 months is a long time at that age. He’ll be 4, and looking at starting school. It can also take a lot longer than 6 months for the whole process to happen.

Chick981 · 03/05/2025 08:44

My eldest was still in a cot at 3.5. I took the side off when he was younger but he hated it and wanted it back on. It was a toddler size cot bed so fine in terms of space, he just loved the security of the bars and slept so well in it that we went with it, don’t worry about what others think.

crumblingschools · 03/05/2025 08:50

DS was in his cot bed until about 6, but the sides had come off quite early after the night I was putting the bins out and heard a huge thud coming from his room. I rushed in and a dazed DS still in his sleeping bag was sitting on the floor by the side of the cot. Don’t know who was the most shocked, and still don’t know how he managed to climb out. Can’t remember his exact age but don’t think he was even two. We used one of those sides you can put on the bed which stops them rolling out but has a gap at the end of the bed so they can get out easily early on.

MintTwirl · 03/05/2025 08:55

We had the exact same thing, we tried our youngest in a toddler bed and he hated it so eventually we went back to the cot: It seemed the sides helped him feel safe/secure. He was also dry at night at that age but wouldn’t have been going to the toilet on his own at night due to the layout of the house he would have had to walk past the top of the stairs.
Anyway he is now a fully functioning 9 year old perfectly able to sleep in a bed. OP just do what works for your child.

TheatreTraveller · 03/05/2025 09:00

Cots are for babies, a nearly school age child in a babies cot is ridiculous. How do they get up in the morning, use the toilet, get a toy they want.

3WildOnes · 03/05/2025 09:01

I think you should take the sides off and keep a potty by his cot.

Bestfootforward11 · 03/05/2025 09:09

Maybe take the rails off? Does he wear pull ups or something at night? I get what you mean but just thinking he needs to start learning to go to the loo etc for school and in 6 months he will be 4. That said, if he sleeps very well I understand why you don’t want to disturb that. Anyway, just a thought to consider. Best wishes.

Nevermindkitten · 03/05/2025 09:12

I would be worried he might climb out and injure himself. Is it the type of cot that allows you to take the side off safely? If you can take the side off and he isn't too big for it, I don't see an issue though.

stichguru · 03/05/2025 09:14

Yaaaal · 03/05/2025 07:23

Ds is 3.5. He is still in a cot. He’s quite big for his age so it’s getting close to needing to get rid of the cot but we want to do it when we move house (hopefully within the next six months). He sleeps absolutely fine and doesn’t seem bothered about the cot but obviously having never been in a bed he doesn’t know any different.

Mentioned this to a friend recently and she was horrified. AIBU to keep the cot for a few more months as it seems fine?

Is he able to reach to climb over the top bars? My worry, if he's big is that he could climb up and then fall from the top of the cot rails which would be a much bigger fall than just falling out of bed! Also I would have thought falling from the cot rails he's more likely to fall on his head or something then if he falls out of bed.

Melywatchthestars · 03/05/2025 09:15

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 03/05/2025 07:30

Might be a bit overwhelming, new house, new bedroom, new bed.
I'd do it now.

^^This

coffeeandflipflops · 03/05/2025 09:15

I had one in a full size bed at 2. Tried that with the other child and no one slept, so he went back in his cot. Do what works for you as long as the cot is big enough and he can't climb out.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/05/2025 09:22

How does he go for a wee in the night or get up in the morning? He really should have that independence now at that age. He is far too old for a cot.

Get him a bed now and then it can just go with you to the new house and he'll have a gap between the big changes too.

pinkdelight · 03/05/2025 09:24

Why wait another six months? It's not that hard to move a single bed from one house to another and surely you can squeeze a single into your current home somewhere. It's not on to keep him in a cot with the sides on at this point really.

Overthebow · 03/05/2025 09:26

Yaaaal · 03/05/2025 07:35

No the rails are still on @GRex

How does he get up to go for a wee, or to go into your room if he needs you in the night? I think it’s a bit unfair for a 3.5 year old to sleep in a cot. What if he mentions it to his friends at preschool?

Fupoffyagrasshole · 03/05/2025 09:30

Yep mine was the same she didn’t want to take the sides off! And she was still in a pull up until she was over 4 anyway

I don’t get the big rush to move to beds once they are happy.

i asked my daughter about it and she said no I love my cot 🤷‍♀️you do you !!

I did move her before she was 4.

ClarasSisters · 03/05/2025 09:32

So you're proposing a 4 year old is still in a cot?

What happens when he wakes for a wee? Or are you keeping him in nappies because that's more convenient for you too?

justkeepswimingswiming · 03/05/2025 09:32

He’s nearly school age and in a cot with the sides up? Sounds neglectful on your behalf.

blueirisesinspring · 03/05/2025 09:36

This does go to show how different they all are. We only moved DS to a bed because we had another child to be honest. He’s never attempted to go to the toilet at night and was definitely in nappies at night at three and a half (and could have done with them on in the day really.) So that wouldn’t have been a consideration. I’d just keep it as new bed in new house, the last thing you need is more packing for the sake of a few weeks.

blueirisesinspring · 03/05/2025 09:37

justkeepswimingswiming · 03/05/2025 09:32

He’s nearly school age and in a cot with the sides up? Sounds neglectful on your behalf.

He will be going to school September 2026 if my estimations are right. That’s not nearly school age.

NewsdeskJC · 03/05/2025 09:38

Tbf, our youngest was in a cot til she was nearly 3. It was a huge mamas and papas one. She was always 97th percentile.
No harm done.
I agree with pp though. Don't wait til you move house.

HollidaySunshine · 03/05/2025 09:43

Your friend is right

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