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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that not speaking to your own son is not a good look for the King ?

536 replies

Marmaladelover · 02/05/2025 21:08

Don’t get me wrong I think Harry has been a bit of an entitled burk but even so I was shocked that there has not been a reconciliation between Harry and Megan and the King and Queen at least to be civil to each other .
Refusing to even speak just seems like sulking to me !
That said I don’t think Harry telling the world and washing yet more dirty laundry in public is going to help matters .

Maybe some folk will think this comment belongs in the Royal Family thread rather than AIBU but it’s more about mumsnet standards ( sulking is not good ) and whether they should apply to those in high office .

Even JFK and Krushev had a hotline after the Cuban Crisis !

OP posts:
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Leafy3 · 03/05/2025 11:35

I watched the interview in full and think its probably the best one he's given and comes across more likeable and reasonable than others.

For info - I'm an anti-monarchist, think they're all as bad as each other and don't believe we should be paying for his security.

Various statements I didn't agree with, thinking they come from a place of aristocratic entitlement but what was interesting is that RAVEC consulted with the Royal Household on Harry's security arrangements before making its decision - and before they consulted with them the RH his security was to be maintained, which implies the RH influenced the decision.

From what Harry said the members of the RH sit on RAVEC and these appear to be courtiers, not family members.

He said he'd not had a risk management assessment since the first decision in 2020 when standard practice is that they happen yearly.

So, although the Royal family are not directly involved in the decision process (rightly) the Royal Household is (courtiers).

Harry also claimed that the bespoke security arrangements were actually this: if he's invited by the Royal family to the UK, he gets full security, without an invite he doesn't. This would appear to be the determining factor in the case-by-case assessments.

This fits with full security being provided for Royal duties only, which I think most would agree with but I also suspect its the only way the Royal family have of controlling meghan and Harry's activities. No doubt there'd be far more stepping on Royal toes if they felt able to come over as freely as they wish.

I also think he has a point that the rule seems nonsensical if the security risk remains the same - and high - regardless of his reason for being in the UK. How this fits with the fact that RAVEC will give higher security to vips on an as needed basis, I'm not entirely sure. Harry seems to be implying that it won't actually happen for him (as a result of the influence of the Royal Household).

Certainly think there'd be uproar if we were paying for Harry & Meghan to have full security for the commercial interests and personal projects, which wouldn't be misplaced (I'd definitely be pissed off with this).

I accept there's a level of unfairness for him personally, given he was born a prince, but I think of all the millions of people who can't return to their homelands to visit family because of personal danger and he remains immensely privileged, can travel the world, and so my sympathy stops there. He needs to suck it up.

That said, it's wrong he hasn't had hasn't a risk management assessment in 5 years and that should be independent of the Royal Household.

The rift with his family is objectively very sad, as all estrangements (or their causes) are and I feel for him that he doesn't know the details of his father's prognosis. But, that's also a personal matter and not any of our business.

Like a pp I noticed the hypocrisy in saying this to the press when Thomas markle did the same!

Far from being a man of the people, I felt Harry oozed aristocratic-ness in this interview, he seems to do so more & more, and he seems to have a blindspot about the level of his privilege.

Perhaps as a republican, I also baulked at his talking about his continued public service as I really don't see much of this and certainly no more than many of us who volunteer regularly. I also disagreed with him saying that although he is has been made a private citizen, he will in fact never be one - the press and public won't let him be.

Charitable work and his birth doesn't entitle him to anymore privilege than the rest of us. Same goes for the rest of the Royal family, we only tolerate it because of the monarchs role as Head of state and their public duties. While he has a point with the unfairness of certain things, they all seem to depend on an acceptance that the Royal family is entitled to great privilege virtue of their birth.

The aristocratic entitlement I see with him in interviews makes me convinced we should abolish the aristocracy as whole, tbh, and redistribute its collective wealth.

BMW6 · 03/05/2025 11:37

21ZIGGY · 03/05/2025 11:31

Be a dad, not a king?

No. Being King must come before anything - or he's not being a King.

The late Queen absolutely put her duties and responsibilities as Monarch before family - rightly so.

Vaxtable · 03/05/2025 11:52

You only have Harry’s version. And the RF can’t respond as Harry well knows

Charles hasn’t contacted him probably during the case as he cant be seen to be influencing. Again something Harry knows

Then again if you were Charles what could you say in any conversation? How’s the wife and kids and what’s the weather like. That’s about it as anything else will end up in the press

if Your child constantly trash talked you and told lies about you and the rest of your family wouldn’t you be wary if talking to them?

Harry wants a relationship with his family then he gets down on his knees and grovels and even then no one will trust him

Needspaceforlego · 03/05/2025 12:46

21ZIGGY · 03/05/2025 11:31

Be a dad, not a king?

And how exactly is a Dad meant to stop their adult child from spreading gossip about them?

The easiest way is keep them at arms lenght. I'm sure it hurts Charles that he cannot trust is own son to preserve his privacy.

Lupin4747 · 03/05/2025 13:04

Needspaceforlego · 03/05/2025 12:46

And how exactly is a Dad meant to stop their adult child from spreading gossip about them?

The easiest way is keep them at arms lenght. I'm sure it hurts Charles that he cannot trust is own son to preserve his privacy.

We’ll ensure he has the security he needs for a start.

SammyScrounge · 03/05/2025 13:19

Lupin4747 · 03/05/2025 13:04

We’ll ensure he has the security he needs for a start.

Someone on another thread pointed out that he has the same level of security as Princess Anne. Why? She works hard for the RF and the UK. She is an utterly reliable and trustworthy representative for us..He does.nothing but be a PIA.

CantStopMoving · 03/05/2025 13:30

SammyScrounge · 03/05/2025 13:19

Someone on another thread pointed out that he has the same level of security as Princess Anne. Why? She works hard for the RF and the UK. She is an utterly reliable and trustworthy representative for us..He does.nothing but be a PIA.

And she was the victim of someone trying to attack her and she still doesn’t insist on 24/7 armed security

Fernandoo · 03/05/2025 14:42

21ZIGGY · 03/05/2025 08:39

I agree. Charles is the father, he should fix it. Of course he shouldnt have let it get this far to begin with.
Harry has made various comments wanting to be on better terms and thats obviously not been reciprocated.
I think charles and william are being as controlled as they were when it all kicked off but they should make changes. Charles is the king! His "advisors" cant overrule him.

The King can’t and shouldn’t overrule the courts.

BruFord · 03/05/2025 15:11

Deerrobin · 03/05/2025 06:33

I wouldn’t talk to a family member if they had form for repeating conversations (likely with a ‘creative spin’ and thinly veiled insinuation) to Netflix and their favoured Hollywood interviewer/pal of the day.

I agree that’s the essence of the problem @Deerrobin.

Yes, KC and Diana published books and did interviews back in the day, but my take is that there was a tacit understanding with the rest of the RF that once they’d aired their grievances (mainly about their marriage) that was the end of it.

Whereas PH isn’t going to stop selling his opinions of and interactions with the RF. Literally every conversation could end up in the media so presumably KC’s been advised not to speak to him at all.

As others have said, I can’t imagine not speaking at all to my children, but if I knew that even a casual conversation could end up in a tabloid, distorted to make me look like the bad guy, would I feel differently? Tbh, I think that I would. 😕

21ZIGGY · 03/05/2025 15:21

Fernandoo · 03/05/2025 14:42

The King can’t and shouldn’t overrule the courts.

I dont mean the security issue. I mean their family issues

BMW6 · 03/05/2025 15:22

Totally agree BruFord - plus it did neither of them much good, nor were they doing it for money.
Harry and Meghan need money to be replenished constantly as they must have huge living costs, but their only selling point is the connection to Royalty. The other stuff they've tried has pretty much bombed.

So only an absolute fool would let Harry have any access to information or conversation that he will obviously sell to the highest bidders over and over again. He has to because he has nothing else to sell!

He's blown it totally. When KC goes I cannot see Harry being welcomed back by KW ever for the same reasons.

What a numpty.

BruFord · 03/05/2025 15:25

That said, it's wrong he hasn't had hasn't a risk management assessment in 5 years and that should be independent of the Royal Household.

I agree, @Leafy3 , it’s high time that another risk assessment was conducted.

My feeling is that such an assessment won’t yield the results that PH believes it will though. I think it would determine a far lower risk level to them than in 2020, because they’re lower profile than they were five years ago and they’re so distanced ( literally and figuratively) from the RF now.

It’s not his fault tbh, he was brought up as a one of the top VIP’s in the UK with constant attention trained on him. His wedding was a major national event, etc. It must be v. difficult to comprehend that the public are far less interested in him/his family now, and that even the worst racists who threatened MM in the past probably don’t see her as relevant anymore.

Superhansrantowindsor · 03/05/2025 15:27

Perhaps they should call his bluff. Put all the security back and see if he returns. Somehow I doubt it.

BruFord · 03/05/2025 15:35

Superhansrantowindsor · 03/05/2025 15:27

Perhaps they should call his bluff. Put all the security back and see if he returns. Somehow I doubt it.

@Superhansrantowindsor Would you want your taxes spent on it though? It’s been made clear that individuals can’t personally pay for this type of security so KC can’t step in and fund it.

I think there’s better ways to spend taxpayer money tbh.

RobinStrike · 03/05/2025 16:22

It seems that Harry’s only income is from spilling gossip on his family. Nothing else seems to be bringing in the money. As his family I wouldn’t like my health, family life or conversations being used to fund his lifestyle.

CountingDownToSummer · 03/05/2025 16:30

Regardless of whether he is the king or not I think many parents would grow weary of a child who tittle tattles to anyone who will listen and be very wary of what that child could divulge.

Needspaceforlego · 03/05/2025 18:14

RobinStrike · 03/05/2025 16:22

It seems that Harry’s only income is from spilling gossip on his family. Nothing else seems to be bringing in the money. As his family I wouldn’t like my health, family life or conversations being used to fund his lifestyle.

That's it exactly and there is nothing Charles or William could do to stop him. There only option is to stop him getting stories to sell.

tinyspiny · 03/05/2025 18:34

RobinStrike · 03/05/2025 16:22

It seems that Harry’s only income is from spilling gossip on his family. Nothing else seems to be bringing in the money. As his family I wouldn’t like my health, family life or conversations being used to fund his lifestyle.

Exactly , particularly when he adds his own unique spin on things which seems to be in the most part far from reality but necessary to make him the family victim .

Serpentstooth · 03/05/2025 20:01

Are we seriously expected to believe that PH and family would be left at Heathrow, unescorted and waiting for the train because his dad's too mean and brother too jealous, to afford them protection? Twaddle. He wants equivalence with his brother. Not and never has, or will be, on the cards. This is another 'expose my wicked family' story. Netflix and publishers, line up, cheque books out please.

Needspaceforlego · 03/05/2025 20:03

Serpentstooth · 03/05/2025 20:01

Are we seriously expected to believe that PH and family would be left at Heathrow, unescorted and waiting for the train because his dad's too mean and brother too jealous, to afford them protection? Twaddle. He wants equivalence with his brother. Not and never has, or will be, on the cards. This is another 'expose my wicked family' story. Netflix and publishers, line up, cheque books out please.

Hahaha 😆 can you picture them getting in the taxi queue 🤣

TheAutumnCrow · 03/05/2025 20:15

Needspaceforlego · 03/05/2025 20:03

Hahaha 😆 can you picture them getting in the taxi queue 🤣

Or they could get the tube to Victoria and walk up Buckingham Palace Road. There’s quite a nice pub there.

Highfivemum · 03/05/2025 21:23

When ur Dad has cancer and you say we don’t know how long they have that is a truly awful thing to say and he wanted max affect. He needs to stay in USA and not
come back. He caused so much hurt for the Queen and Prince Phillip. And now for Charles as he battles cancer and William and Katherine. I have no words

TaraRhu · 03/05/2025 21:38

Isn't the relevation here about the Kings health? He says he doesn't know how long he has left . Is Charles stage 4? Is he dying? Are we being kept from the truth?

Mylovelygreendress · 03/05/2025 22:06

TaraRhu · 03/05/2025 21:38

Isn't the relevation here about the Kings health? He says he doesn't know how long he has left . Is Charles stage 4? Is he dying? Are we being kept from the truth?

No idea however I think Harry saying that was shameful and his way of putting pressure on his father to resolve things as even Harry must know that when William is king there is absolutely zero chance of any reconciliation.
As a cancer survivor I would be horrified to think my adult DC were speculating in public about how long I had to live!

Serpentstooth · 03/05/2025 22:08

It's not your business is it? The King's health is his own concern until he wants to share it. Leave him alone. How would you like your health discussed on MN? Then multiply that by thousands.

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