School not sending home for period pain

[rainbow9713]

Hi I will try to keep this as short as possible but also don't want to drip feed.
I have an 11 year old daughter (12 in July) in year 7, she started her periods at 9 so has had 2 full years of periods, primary school were very understanding as she gets extreme pain to the point she passes out and/or physically vomits.
Doctors have given mefenamic acid and tranexamic acid, she has also had an ultrasound scan awaiting results.
Tuesday she was due on her period and said she didn't want to go to school (is an issue anyway about not wanting to go, but she still does attend) as she could feel it coming and they wouldn't send her home if she felt really bad.
Now her period before this, the day she was due I was called and asked to pick her up about an hour before finish, as she looked visibly unwell, went really pale and was feeling really dizzy. I said ah she is due on her period today so that will be it, I was at work but my mom went and collected her early.

Back to this period, she is under SEND at school with a pupil passport and extra support in place. Undiagnosed but strongly thought to be autistic (school agree to this) so is already treated as such and on the pathway for assessment. So Tuesday morning i email the SEND to say she is very anxious about coming in as she gets alot of pain, explain she does have prescription medication there, but could they please please (yes I used 2 pleases) call me if she is in pain so I can come and get her. As she isn't going to learn anything sitting in am office in pain, so I would rather make her comfortable at home...... reply was ofcourse, and also to tell her to use her time out pass at any time to go over to the SEND ect ect. She's still anxious so I see the new pastoral care at the gates, again say to her and to please please call me, I did say I can collect her before 2pm, if after 2pm it's a little more tricky but someone would be able to collect her.

She was late home (I jave a ring doorbell) so I call her and she is in absolute pieces. She said she was in so much pain and begged and begged them to call me but they wouldn't. She was late home as she stayed in the lessen 20 minutes after it ended as she felt dizzy so was scared to stand up incase she fainted. The teacher did walk her out to the gates but she then walked home alone.

I email the SEND as I am to put it bluntly extremely pissed off, as I reassured my daughter they would call me. And IMO they reassured that they would. The following day (my daughter was at home as had severe pain and was still in alot of distress about the day before, as in her words. They know she struggles to go to school but she tries her best to go in, and then they pull a stunt like this), the SEND calls me and says they won't authorise going home for period pain...... I'm like that is not what you or the pastoral told me yesterday.

So now I have a meeting next Friday, I plan to tell them I am not letting this go. I have printed information about autism and menstruation, nhs info on endometriosis and adenomyosis which are conditions that take years to diagnose but can really impact womens health and ability to live a normal life. Also news articles about schools who have had to change their period policy.

So am I being unreasonable to be so cross and upset my daughter has been treated this way?
She dies not misbehave at school, and honestly yes it can be a struggle to get her there but she does go. Her attendance is good other than a day off every period because she physically can't move.
I think they need to see these pupils (she can't be the only one) as individuals, they ja e already recognised additional needs, so why can't they see her as an individual in this instance?
This now has made her anxiety about school even worse, and to be quite honest the next time she feels her period coming, I don't want to send her in. As it massively affected her mental health, and is a safety risk if she is dizzy and walking home.
I'm cross because they have seen her look physically poorly and authorised her leaving early before, the only difference is, is that they disnt have forewarning that it was a period

I'm so sorry as this is really long, I am just so so cross.

Also of you agree with me...... any help to win this war with them would be greatly greatly appreciated ❤️

Pastoral is the person my daughter was sent to, when she presented unwell to the SEND. And this SEND staff member was the only trusted adult my child has in school.

She finds it hard to make attachments, but when she does that is her person...... she won't even entertain any of the other SEND staff, so that has been extremely difficult this week aswell. That the one person she had a bit of trust with lied to her.
She isnt currently capable of understanding that maybe this teacher dis try and do what she had promised, but was not authorised to do so

I wonder if previous poster is right, maybe give school a letter from gp or even yourself explaining what is going on and telling them exactly what you want them to do in the event of this happening again.

I had bad period pains before having children no real reason ever given after investigations.

When I was in labour the early part up to around 4cm I would say felt like bad period pains. 100 per cent should not be in school.

Sadly this is the reality for a minority of girls and women who are in agony with mo they periods but are routinely dismissed by health professionals. It’s been happening for decades.

It took me several years to finally get anyone to listen to me - resulted in needing too ops and months of follow up medication to get me to a position where I could actually work through it. If just one of the numerous medics had taken it seriously in the previous years so much could have been avoided.

@BookArt55 totally agree but also if a child was doing this at such a young age to avoid school then the school needs to address that and take responsibility.

But they aren’t educating her - she’s sat in an office out of lessons, whilst in severe pain.
She isn’t learning whilst sat in a separate room, away from class and her teachers, trying to remain composed in agony.

This was my point to them

Aaahhh my image is under review apparently

I actually said trickier after 2pm, that i would have to call someone. Not impossible, I didn't even get a phone call to have the chance

Sugar i haven't removed email addresses didnt see them at the bottom. How can I edit the image now 🤦‍♀️

@Lostthefairytale

Yep and I've seen first hand how one staff member can be kind and empathetic and another totally unkind and ruins any chance for that child to cope.
It shouldn't be down to the whim of teachers at all

• or personal thoughts.

@rainbow9713 there is loads of personal info there you need to remove all the perosnal emails etc

How i can't see an option to delete 🤦‍♀️ i disnt notice the bottom when editing

My daughter had the same pain issues but the school were fantastic and I simply signed her out remotely and collected her.
She is about to start Yasmin contraceptive to help get rid of periods altogether.
One week out of 4 she is completely out of action.
GP has given her very strong pain killers. Am away, but will check the name of them when I get back.
My daughter is ASD but you would have no idea.
It is a symptom of ASD as are stomach issues.
Looking after gut health is very import and good probiotics, keffir, etc., can be very helpful.
Adding gut friendly foods to her diet helps.

It is totally untrue that they can’t help you without a diagnosis. It’s about the impact on the child. My daughter is a year plus into waiting for her autism diagnosis - we expect a 3 year wait in our area. But the school can address her needs regardless. She has a toilet pass, 5’minute pass, extra worksheets etc. She also gets DLA (which you should get too @rainbow9713 if you don’t already). Nothing here required an official diagnosis as that takes years and years and the child can’t be left to suffer in the interim. Doubly so for ‘female conditions’ that often can’t be diagnosed for years.

@PurpleThistle7 we are awaiting a decision on DLA, they have had paperwork for 18 weeks now.
Minus period school are treating her as if she is diagnosed with extra support like the 5 minute pass and CAT team involvement

Does she have an IHCP? She needs one, with agreed processes for medication, when to call parent to collect etc all clarified in the document.

Please tell me what one of those are please, and help me be as informed as impossible.
Is thus something I request from school? Do I need anything from the doctors ect

Ah individual health care plan. I will look into this thank you

Yes, individual health care plan. Different from an EHCP which is for educational needs. You just have a meeting in school and it is agreed there and then on the protocols, processes, thresholds etc so you don't have to put up a fight every month.
They will pretty automatically put them into place for children with diabetes etc but may not think to do it for an intermittent but disabling condition.

Surely the fact she has prescribed medication just for periods, should help with obtaining one of those?

Yes, she should definitely have one in my opinion.