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Original poster

School not sending home for period pain

159 replies

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 20:30

Hi I will try to keep this as short as possible but also don't want to drip feed.
I have an 11 year old daughter (12 in July) in year 7, she started her periods at 9 so has had 2 full years of periods, primary school were very understanding as she gets extreme pain to the point she passes out and/or physically vomits.
Doctors have given mefenamic acid and tranexamic acid, she has also had an ultrasound scan awaiting results.
Tuesday she was due on her period and said she didn't want to go to school (is an issue anyway about not wanting to go, but she still does attend) as she could feel it coming and they wouldn't send her home if she felt really bad.
Now her period before this, the day she was due I was called and asked to pick her up about an hour before finish, as she looked visibly unwell, went really pale and was feeling really dizzy. I said ah she is due on her period today so that will be it, I was at work but my mom went and collected her early.

Back to this period, she is under SEND at school with a pupil passport and extra support in place. Undiagnosed but strongly thought to be autistic (school agree to this) so is already treated as such and on the pathway for assessment. So Tuesday morning i email the SEND to say she is very anxious about coming in as she gets alot of pain, explain she does have prescription medication there, but could they please please (yes I used 2 pleases) call me if she is in pain so I can come and get her. As she isn't going to learn anything sitting in am office in pain, so I would rather make her comfortable at home...... reply was ofcourse, and also to tell her to use her time out pass at any time to go over to the SEND ect ect. She's still anxious so I see the new pastoral care at the gates, again say to her and to please please call me, I did say I can collect her before 2pm, if after 2pm it's a little more tricky but someone would be able to collect her.

She was late home (I jave a ring doorbell) so I call her and she is in absolute pieces. She said she was in so much pain and begged and begged them to call me but they wouldn't. She was late home as she stayed in the lessen 20 minutes after it ended as she felt dizzy so was scared to stand up incase she fainted. The teacher did walk her out to the gates but she then walked home alone.

I email the SEND as I am to put it bluntly extremely pissed off, as I reassured my daughter they would call me. And IMO they reassured that they would. The following day (my daughter was at home as had severe pain and was still in alot of distress about the day before, as in her words. They know she struggles to go to school but she tries her best to go in, and then they pull a stunt like this), the SEND calls me and says they won't authorise going home for period pain...... I'm like that is not what you or the pastoral told me yesterday.

So now I have a meeting next Friday, I plan to tell them I am not letting this go. I have printed information about autism and menstruation, nhs info on endometriosis and adenomyosis which are conditions that take years to diagnose but can really impact womens health and ability to live a normal life. Also news articles about schools who have had to change their period policy.

So am I being unreasonable to be so cross and upset my daughter has been treated this way?
She dies not misbehave at school, and honestly yes it can be a struggle to get her there but she does go. Her attendance is good other than a day off every period because she physically can't move.
I think they need to see these pupils (she can't be the only one) as individuals, they ja e already recognised additional needs, so why can't they see her as an individual in this instance?
This now has made her anxiety about school even worse, and to be quite honest the next time she feels her period coming, I don't want to send her in. As it massively affected her mental health, and is a safety risk if she is dizzy and walking home.
I'm cross because they have seen her look physically poorly and authorised her leaving early before, the only difference is, is that they disnt have forewarning that it was a period

I'm so sorry as this is really long, I am just so so cross.

Also of you agree with me...... any help to win this war with them would be greatly greatly appreciated ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 21:14

TheSilentMajority · 02/05/2025 21:09

Sorry sounds horrific - can I say the gyno suggested my daughter take the combined pill back to back so misses several months of periods and now when she gets them they are lighter. But she also was previously in so much pain and ended up so low in iron needed an iron infusion.

We have the doctors on Wednesday to discuss the pill, had a phone consultation and the doctor wasn't too keen as she is still under 12 (just). But we are going for a face to face appointment and fingers crossed 🤞

OP posts:
phinalinabeena · 02/05/2025 21:33

She needs prescription pain meds to help manage the pain alongside the other meds she is taking. I have endo, took 9 years to get diagnosed, even my own Mother didn't believe my pain could be that bad so I am pleased she has you who does believe her pain.

Clearly there is an underlying cause to her incredibly painful periods and you are trying to get to the bottom of that with the ultrasound and in the meantime I would be asking the GP about the combined pill because she is 2 months shy of her 12th birthday and has had years of periods. Look up NICE guidelines. The more informed you are the more you can advocate for her.

Then with all the info from Wednesday's GP appointment you can show the school that you are doing everything you can to help your DD and that no parent wants their child to be in pain and you trusted them to contact you.

BePearlKoala · 02/05/2025 21:41

phinalinabeena · 02/05/2025 21:33

She needs prescription pain meds to help manage the pain alongside the other meds she is taking. I have endo, took 9 years to get diagnosed, even my own Mother didn't believe my pain could be that bad so I am pleased she has you who does believe her pain.

Clearly there is an underlying cause to her incredibly painful periods and you are trying to get to the bottom of that with the ultrasound and in the meantime I would be asking the GP about the combined pill because she is 2 months shy of her 12th birthday and has had years of periods. Look up NICE guidelines. The more informed you are the more you can advocate for her.

Then with all the info from Wednesday's GP appointment you can show the school that you are doing everything you can to help your DD and that no parent wants their child to be in pain and you trusted them to contact you.

She has prescription meds, OP said mefenamic acid and tranexamic acid. Giving the contraceptive pill, with life-long side effects, to an 11 year old child is ludicrous. OP, I have also had horrrific periods my whole life and codiene is the only thing that helped. IMO she wouldn't be able to go to school on codiene though as it affects concentration etcc but at least she wouldnt be in as much pain at home.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 21:45

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 20:30

Hi I will try to keep this as short as possible but also don't want to drip feed.
I have an 11 year old daughter (12 in July) in year 7, she started her periods at 9 so has had 2 full years of periods, primary school were very understanding as she gets extreme pain to the point she passes out and/or physically vomits.
Doctors have given mefenamic acid and tranexamic acid, she has also had an ultrasound scan awaiting results.
Tuesday she was due on her period and said she didn't want to go to school (is an issue anyway about not wanting to go, but she still does attend) as she could feel it coming and they wouldn't send her home if she felt really bad.
Now her period before this, the day she was due I was called and asked to pick her up about an hour before finish, as she looked visibly unwell, went really pale and was feeling really dizzy. I said ah she is due on her period today so that will be it, I was at work but my mom went and collected her early.

Back to this period, she is under SEND at school with a pupil passport and extra support in place. Undiagnosed but strongly thought to be autistic (school agree to this) so is already treated as such and on the pathway for assessment. So Tuesday morning i email the SEND to say she is very anxious about coming in as she gets alot of pain, explain she does have prescription medication there, but could they please please (yes I used 2 pleases) call me if she is in pain so I can come and get her. As she isn't going to learn anything sitting in am office in pain, so I would rather make her comfortable at home...... reply was ofcourse, and also to tell her to use her time out pass at any time to go over to the SEND ect ect. She's still anxious so I see the new pastoral care at the gates, again say to her and to please please call me, I did say I can collect her before 2pm, if after 2pm it's a little more tricky but someone would be able to collect her.

She was late home (I jave a ring doorbell) so I call her and she is in absolute pieces. She said she was in so much pain and begged and begged them to call me but they wouldn't. She was late home as she stayed in the lessen 20 minutes after it ended as she felt dizzy so was scared to stand up incase she fainted. The teacher did walk her out to the gates but she then walked home alone.

I email the SEND as I am to put it bluntly extremely pissed off, as I reassured my daughter they would call me. And IMO they reassured that they would. The following day (my daughter was at home as had severe pain and was still in alot of distress about the day before, as in her words. They know she struggles to go to school but she tries her best to go in, and then they pull a stunt like this), the SEND calls me and says they won't authorise going home for period pain...... I'm like that is not what you or the pastoral told me yesterday.

So now I have a meeting next Friday, I plan to tell them I am not letting this go. I have printed information about autism and menstruation, nhs info on endometriosis and adenomyosis which are conditions that take years to diagnose but can really impact womens health and ability to live a normal life. Also news articles about schools who have had to change their period policy.

So am I being unreasonable to be so cross and upset my daughter has been treated this way?
She dies not misbehave at school, and honestly yes it can be a struggle to get her there but she does go. Her attendance is good other than a day off every period because she physically can't move.
I think they need to see these pupils (she can't be the only one) as individuals, they ja e already recognised additional needs, so why can't they see her as an individual in this instance?
This now has made her anxiety about school even worse, and to be quite honest the next time she feels her period coming, I don't want to send her in. As it massively affected her mental health, and is a safety risk if she is dizzy and walking home.
I'm cross because they have seen her look physically poorly and authorised her leaving early before, the only difference is, is that they disnt have forewarning that it was a period

I'm so sorry as this is really long, I am just so so cross.

Also of you agree with me...... any help to win this war with them would be greatly greatly appreciated ❤️

Poor kid❤️

12345mummy · 02/05/2025 21:52

YANBU - they should deal with children’s illness on a case by case basis, regardless of the cause. They promised you they would act in your daughter’s best interests and they did not.

phinalinabeena · 02/05/2025 22:00

@BePearlKoala the mefenamic acid clearly isn't cutting it pain wise if she is still fainting from pain. She needs stronger prescription pain meds and potentially codeine. I am affected by codeine but still take it for endo, however my sister in law takes an incredibly high dose and is more than capable of working and concentrating. It depends if it affects you.

Re the pill, the combined pill is the first set of meds they prescribe if you have endometriosis. The OP's DD has had an ultrasound which will not pick up endo per se but may pick up other issues causing the pain or cysts from endo. I had to fight for years and years for GPs to take my pain seriously, I kept going back thinking someone will listen to me.

Taking any medication is all about weighing up the risks. Endo can collapse your lungs, it can destroy your bowel or bladder and you end up having those removed. School need to take this girl's pain seriously. This isn't "normal" period pain for which they seem to have a blanket policy on.

TheAmusedQuail · 02/05/2025 22:04

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 21:01

Yes it is an academy funnily enough, who have now instead of 1 day off every period have now made it more than likely multiple days off every period

Show quote history

You can take pleasure in knowing that it will seriously annoy them. Far more than any complaint will. Hit them where it hurts!

Original poster
rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 22:35

The struggle i have with any medication for her for the pain.... is her age. For the mefenamic and tranexamic I had to beg, and tell them she is the same height as me and weighs more than me.
She uses period pants so since day 1 I ha e tried my best to limit the things some people say cause periods to be worse, like the chemicals in sanitary pads. We have a myoovi aswell, I'm not even trying to diagnose her, but I know there are female health conditions that she could well have that will never be diagnosed while she is at school. And I don't believe her pain to be normal, but I do think professionals are way too quick to dismiss womens health.

OP posts:
TheSilentMajority · 02/05/2025 22:57

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 21:14

We have the doctors on Wednesday to discuss the pill, had a phone consultation and the doctor wasn't too keen as she is still under 12 (just). But we are going for a face to face appointment and fingers crossed 🤞

Show quote history

you can also go to a pharmacy which prescribes the pill on behalf of the nhs - they will give it to her for free after some checks like blood pressure. just don't tell them its for period pain - better to assume for contraception as my 18 year old was refused in one pharmacy when I said it was for heavy periods. my daughter's gyno said she can take it consecutively for years but since she gets break through bleeding every three months she stops for 7 days every three months. but her period is manageable now.

TheSilentMajority · 02/05/2025 22:58

sorry also if she has endometriosis taking the pill consecutively will help protect her fertility - no bleeding no scarring.

Original poster
rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 22:58

TheSilentMajority · 02/05/2025 22:57

you can also go to a pharmacy which prescribes the pill on behalf of the nhs - they will give it to her for free after some checks like blood pressure. just don't tell them its for period pain - better to assume for contraception as my 18 year old was refused in one pharmacy when I said it was for heavy periods. my daughter's gyno said she can take it consecutively for years but since she gets break through bleeding every three months she stops for 7 days every three months. but her period is manageable now.

Show quote history

I think the issue I would have with that is she is 11.

OP posts:
Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:02

No advice, but listened to a really great interview with the author of a podcast called ‘cramped’ that explored severe period pain and how the medical community and community at large overlooks severe period pain / how little is known about it.

BashfulClam · 02/05/2025 23:13

I have similar pain with my periods. The drs fobbed me off with mefanemic acid and painkillers but when you throw up and bring the tablets back up too they aren’t much use. My mum took me to the GP for the umpteenth time and he asked’Well Mrs x what do you want us to do?’ I saw her get really angry and she said sharply ‘your bloody job! She has exams, she’s talked about suicide, don’t sit there and act stupid!’ Got the combined pill that day and i got my life back. I had barely any pain, I could run the packets together and not have a period. Holidays, exams, special days/nights out….all period free and pain free!

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

BashfulClam · 02/05/2025 23:15

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Obviously written by someone with non painful periods.

sprigatito · 02/05/2025 23:17

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

51% of the population absolutely does not suffer crippling pain and vomiting every month. There are medical reasons for this level of pain during menstruation, and they take time to investigate.

You’re “expecting to be flamed” because you know you’re wrong.

Closetangel · 02/05/2025 23:19

She's your child and you sent her in. Take some responsibility. You shouldn't have sent her in

Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:21

BashfulClam · 02/05/2025 23:13

I have similar pain with my periods. The drs fobbed me off with mefanemic acid and painkillers but when you throw up and bring the tablets back up too they aren’t much use. My mum took me to the GP for the umpteenth time and he asked’Well Mrs x what do you want us to do?’ I saw her get really angry and she said sharply ‘your bloody job! She has exams, she’s talked about suicide, don’t sit there and act stupid!’ Got the combined pill that day and i got my life back. I had barely any pain, I could run the packets together and not have a period. Holidays, exams, special days/nights out….all period free and pain free!

My periods are perfectly manageable, but I have enough awareness to realise that others experience menstruation differently for valid medical reasons that are massively unappreciated and under studied.

if your periods are really that bad, then you should be asking more from your doctors. But I would never write off someone else’s period pain simply because my own experience is manageable

lunalovegood25 · 02/05/2025 23:21

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Have you ever had period pain so bad that you were screaming or unable to move, and you wanted to stab your own ovary just so you might get it removed quicker? Or put on IV painkillers as they had maxed out everything else?
guessing not

Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:22

Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:21

My periods are perfectly manageable, but I have enough awareness to realise that others experience menstruation differently for valid medical reasons that are massively unappreciated and under studied.

if your periods are really that bad, then you should be asking more from your doctors. But I would never write off someone else’s period pain simply because my own experience is manageable

Show quote history

Meant for @Peasnbeans

Original poster
rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 23:23

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Not going to flame you, you have been ot kinder than a previous poster anyway 🤣.
We do have other struggles and routine is definitely very important and definitely helps her, I do keep her off when she is throwing up from the pain, and when you can actually see she is unwell from the pain.
And the fact she has struggled to transition from primary is one of the nai reasons I send her in when she isn't unwell or in pain (some days it takes alot, and affects my other daughter who is 10 aswell. As I'm having to deal with my 11 year old and also try and give my 10 year old the best of me aswell. I am a single parent).
And if they did as promised on Tuesday I wouldn't even be contemplating sending her in before the pain begins...... but the effect it has had not only on her (which has been huge mentally), it affects the whole house including my youngest daughter. When the oldest is just so so upset, angry and quite honestly can't regulate her emotions at all.
So it's the pain and distress being the main reason for now thinking to keep her off her next period, but also the impact it has on my youngest daughter aswell.
Because she was in such a state Tuesday aswell I had to leave work, so it also limited my ability to work. Amd being the only person providing in a household I really do need to work

OP posts:
sprigatito · 02/05/2025 23:24

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Can you explain why you think the fact that this child is autistic means that it’s ok to dismiss her pain? Do you think autistic people don’t feel pain?

hellywelly3 · 02/05/2025 23:25

I’d be fuming. She was in pain. It doesn’t matter that is was due to her period. I’d be pointing out it’s sex discrimination. They wouldn’t leave a boy sitting there in agony.

Original poster
rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 23:25

Not sending her in before the pain begins

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 23:32

There are so many reasons why I sent her into school that day. So those saying I'm her parent I shouldn't have sent her in. I'm trying to manage issues she has that are not period related. And like I have previously said knowing what I know now, I wish I didn't bloody send her in........ but I actually didn't 'just' send her in.
I emailed before school even started, and got a reply reassuring i would be contacted if needed. I also walked her to school and held a conversation with the staff member who can authorise going home early.
They had saw her previously on her period and called me to pick her up. So I believed with this reassurance, and the fact she has been seen on her period before and recognised she was struggling that it would all be fine.

I was wrong....... we are now on Friday night, this happened Tuesday and I am still majorly pissed off. Going through all email correspondence during and after that day, to see if I missed understood. Asked another child's parent who's chikd was there when I spoke to pastoral if they can remember what I said to her.

So in hindsight I shouldn't have sent her in.......... but I didn't 'just' send her in

OP posts: