Accused of racism by client

[stample]

I work and deal with clients daily, I spoke to a regular client being polite and civil, and they too were civil back only to get home and email my manager saying I had implied a racist remark towards them. My manager knows this was not the case and responded back. For reference I am white with black children and the client was black (they wouldn’t know anything about my personal life)
AIBU to mention this when I next see them, obviously apologise if they thought what I said was racist and then to say my family are black…

This was my daughter's favourite song at baby sensory. Whole room full of mums swinging their babies around like cheeky monkeys!
We had the music at home and we danced to this song often, until she was too big for me to carry.
Now a teenager, but always my cheeky monkey.

Why would you assume there is more to it than OP has said ? If the objection is simply to the fact that OP mentioned watermelon what more can there be ? The child ate watermelon. Statement of fact. I understand that institutionalised racism makes one sensitive to potentially racist remarks. But to try to make another person responsible for the over sensitivity of another to the point where they are levelling accusations of racism for something like this is surely counter productive as it diminishes the meaning of the word.

Yeah that's not true. I've seen a lot of white women use horrifically racist tropes to explain why they are attracted to black men.

As a black woman, I've had some horrifically racist "compliements" when non-black men have tried to explain why they find me attractive.

Actually if I were you I would be pretty offended myself and I would be expecting an apology from them, rather than trying to explain myself. They would rather believe you were racist than the child had eaten watermelon, and they should have given you the doubt given there is presumably no evidence whatsoever from your prior dealings that you are racist.

If the person doesn't like watermelon, why were they eating it?

Exactly this. Well said.

Exactly.

from my own experience it might be to do with op's attitude towards the client. Much of the ill treatment I have received as a black person is to do with being patronised and spoken down to in a very harsh manner. But I don't believe that a workplace would bring this up if all there was to it was a mention of watermelon. I know people like to think this is possible in a woke world, but in truth you never come across this kind of thing. In fact, if you are bullied in the workplace for any reason it is very difficult to find support. Also, it is very rare these days to come up against out and out racism (ie someone calling you the N-word) and yet racism still exists.

And how is any of that relevant to the point that OP has black children ? She has a family. Her DH is black, as are her children. She is very likely to have not only witnessed racial abuse towards her family, but to have experienced racist attitudes directed at herself - and IME not just from white people. So in consideration of that, how likely do you think it that she would have made an openly racist comment to a black client ?

So the word ‘watermelon’ is a racist trope in any context ? And given that OP has a black family herself, and is likely to have witnessed and experienced racial slurs, how likely is it that she would be racist herself ?

Not concerning this particular dialogue but of course people can say things without knowing they were being offensive and racist. That’s what societal entrenched racism is all about. People so unaware that they think it’s not racist to say things like ‘black people commit all the crimes’ or ‘black people can’t swim’ or ‘Asian people aren’t good at sports’.

People say this shit and not think they’ve said anything wrong because they think these are facts rather than racist stereotypes.

As I've said, I've heard many white people with black partners and/or kids make horrifically racist comments and behave in very racist ways. The fact she has mixed raced kids and a black partner means absolutely nothing.

It doesn't even mean that she definitely couldn't have intended to be racist. I don't know.if she was racist, but the ethnicity of her partner and children are really nothing to do with that. It's all about what was said and done. And to.be totally frank, anyone who thinks they can't be racist because they have Black family are usually quite ignorant about the level of prejudice.

Kind of like the guy who swears his misogyny is something else because he loves his sisters, daughters and mother.

And tbh, watermelon isn't even associated with Blackness in Europe. It's an American thing. So the whole thing seems off to me. I think there is more to this than meets the eye
.

But when you extend that to using everyday words and phrases like ‘watermelon’, and as mentioned upthread ‘nitty gritty’ it becomes ridiculous. Some phrases have their roots far back in the past and it’s ludicrous to expect everyone to be aware of the possible connotations of words and phrases they use every day according to their modern meanings. It’s about intent. And l don’t believe that in OP’s case there was any.

Spoken down to or when a white person starts speaking with some sort of pseudo Caribbean twang to you.

I came on to say that it is ridiculous to suggest you can't be racist because you have black family members.

I am a retired counsellor and psychotherapist. In my work with couples I came across several situations where people were racist towards their own spouses and even their own children.

Honestly I’d leave it if that’s all you’ve said, I don’t see in what context that is racist your boss has your back and clearly this is a person who will twist anything said. Ignore x

Larry David and the brilliant Leon do an episode about it on Curb.

OK, so white people really can’t win with this can they. Because there are racist people with black partners, OP must be a racist person with a black family. I agree that the link to watermelon is an American thing, but it’s not unheard of in the UK, and the fact that it didn’t have to be explained when OP disclosed it says a lot. But that still doesn’t mean that there’s any more to it than OP says. After all we don’t know the experience of the person making the complaint do we ?

What are they trying to win?

White people can win anti-racism by being anti-racist. You can't keep.being racist but get a non-white partner and conceive to try and nullify your actual racism.

All I'm saying is that having Black family is irrelevant to ether you're racist or not, just like having a mum or daughter you love doesnt exonerate you from sexism as a man. You can genuinely love your daughter, and be a misogynistic pig.

it’s ludicrous to expect everyone to be aware of the possible connotations of words and phrases

Why is it ludicrous? Why shouldn’t people be conscious of tropes and the historic connotations of words. Surely consciousness is a good thing? It leads to enlightenment.

Raising your consciousness and awareness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use certain words. There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘watermelon’. But the key is being aware. Context is everything.

Racism (like sexism and ableism) can be unintentional. In fact, it’s often due to lack of understanding and unconscious bias.

So is it not possible that the opposite can be true ? That there are white people who aren’t racist and who have a black families ? Or that they can be genuinely hurt by racist slurs directed at them ? Or the slurs directed at themselves simply for being a part of that family ?

I am black and have experienced racism. Yet it is possible that I too could behave in a way that effectively could be construed as racist to other black people. If you don't understand this then, with all due respect, you probably should not be defending people accused of racism.

I don't know how else to say that it's totally irrelevant. You can be about as non-racist as you can get, and never have even seen a Black person in your life. Your proximity to non-white people has no bearing on whether you're racist or not. It's your thoughts and actions that make you racist. Not how many Balck people you know (or don't know).

So using a word or phrase according to its modern meaning without racist intent is still racist ? Nope. Not buying into it.