Accused of racism by client

[stample]

I work and deal with clients daily, I spoke to a regular client being polite and civil, and they too were civil back only to get home and email my manager saying I had implied a racist remark towards them. My manager knows this was not the case and responded back. For reference I am white with black children and the client was black (they wouldn’t know anything about my personal life)
AIBU to mention this when I next see them, obviously apologise if they thought what I said was racist and then to say my family are black…

That old chestnut where you pull anyone up who refers to having black friends and family. What's the problem? In fact, it's because of virtue signallers such as yourself that white people feel the need to say they aren't racist. Quite frankly, I'd rather just tell you to fuck off and go and polish your halo elsewhere.

When my uncle went over to Reform to win a council seat he lost by the way. I didn't think he was racist I thought he was ignorant.

Oh yes, it can be insidious. It's how they get away with it and have others not believe you, because you can't always place it.

That’s awful. The women I know do not feel the need to bring it into conversation ever. What racist trope do the women you know come out with?

Well yes, it's not something I've come across, maybe that poster needs to make better friends!

What’s that got to do with anything ? You need to read the OP’s posts properly because your comments bear no relation to what she said.

OP was taking to the client - the person actually paying for the care. Not the person being cared for. It’s very clear from OP’s posts that they are two different people.

I assumed from what OP said, that this is a residential care setting.

The client - the one paying for the care, as opposed to the client receiving care. This terminology - multiple use of the word 'client' isn't uncommon in my experience.

Yes and what you're meant to say Is this :

"I'm so sorry. As a WW (white women allowed to be abbreviated based on colour) I did not know that I wasn't allowed to say my client ate water melon due to perceived racial connotations of the fruit. You're absolutely 100% right. You have lived experience and I don't. I feel ashamed of myself and my fellow white people. We should hang or heads in Shame. I'll go read the offensively titled books you mention and go educate myself. I'm disgusted with my own race. If I ever hear my mother or father utter 'watermelon' I will call them 'vile racists ' and go NC . So dreadfully sorry. I will quietly bow out now so that you can discuss this with other black women as you deserve" (I've seen conversations on certain boards actually sound like this) it's embarrassing.

Then the reply comes "erm, stop centring yourself "

Then the 'WW' replies "I'm so sorry, you're absolutely correct. I'll close the door on my way out and leave my fellow black sisters in peace. At your humble service. Off to educate my ignorant self "

Reply "yeh. Bye "

Many people are accepting that level of "respect ". Equality does not mean bullying from one group to any other.

@SquashedMallow You’re a problem. I hope you aren’t in a position to cause any harm.

That they are "like black men" because they have big dicks or because they some how like the "way they are". Both of these things are racist stereotypes. The former is objectifying and based on when Black people were treated as livestock. The latter ignores differentiation in culture and just individuals. As if all black men are like Shaft or something.

That they are "like black men" because they have big dicks or because they some how like the "way they are". Both of these things are racist stereotypes. The former is objectifying and based on when Black people were treated as livestock. The latter ignores differentiation in culture and just individuals. As if all black men are like Shaft or something.

What do you mean by that statement?

Why are they a problem ? Because their point of view doesn’t align with many others here ? They have made some very valid points upthread, and like it or not there is an element of bullying involved in telling someone that they have caused offence with a racist remark and must recognise that, apologise and atone for it, when the perceived racist element is so obscure that the alleged perpetrator doesn’t recognise it as racist and had no intention of offending anyone.

Thanks for your support.

My problem isn't with black people whatsoever, or any other person who has a different characteristic to me for that matter.

My problem is with bullying of innocent and well meaning people. It needs challenging. How that equates to causing "harm" I've literally got zero clue.

It's utterly terrifying that the message that poster got from me was that I'm obviously racist and wish harm on black people 😲.

Bullying from white people to black people is NOT ok. Bullying from black people to white people Is also NOT ok. And it needs calling out. In this example: the OP has categorically NOT been racist. It's poposterous to suggest it's her thats unreasonable

But how will you ever accept when you have made a comment that is racist, but you're unaware because you're ignorant?

See with everything you've said, it seems like you're so adamant that you must not be falsely accused, that you don't seem to leave room for a time you are rightly accused, and need to learn that what you said or did was harmful and caused pain. Asking the victim of said pain to say this to you nicely and not show that they are hurt and threatened by you is too much.

Men are told the same when they say they'd listen to women if they didn't accused them and said things in a much nicer way.

It isn't implying they were wrong and thus invalidating their feelings, it is explaining that unfortunately, they were mistaken when they assumed that the remark was offensive.

Whatever the subject matter or situation, if somebody has totally misinterpreted someone's words and taken offence because of their own mistake in that interpretation, then they are in the wrong. It has nothing to do with invalidating their feelings, they just need to accept that they got the wrong end of the stick, and there wasn't anything to take offence at after all.

When someone misunderstands what is said and takes umbrage at it, then most people would try to put things right and set the matter straight.

But it won't ALWAYS be the case that something that was said unintentionally, isn't offensive.

People keep equating their intent (or lack thereof) with how much offense the other person is allowed to take.

The reality is that you might say something horrifically racist without knowing it is racist and without wanting to be racist in any way. It doesn't lessen how racist the comment was. If you do not leave room for times where you may say something racist, and not realise why it is racist for some time or ever, because you do not have that lived experience, then you'll never be better at anti-racism than you are now.

I know a lot of white people are fine with that, just like a lot of men are fine with being as sexist as they are because anything else would take a level of self awareness and commitment to self development that they don't need to have to live happily.

There are always a few. I suppose the question would be, do their partners think they are racist? And if not, why?

I don’t know where you hang out where “lots of white women” speak like this but at worst it’s stupid and at best it’s stupid.

No these are racist stereotypes. It's also stupid, because it, as I says, objectifies and reduces Black men into a series of tropes. But that is racism. Don't get it wrong.

This is complex but just like some women don't realise that their male partner's treatment of them is based in misogyny, or they ignore that fact, some people do the same with racism.

After all, it isn't the worse thing in the world if your partner believes you have these exceptional traits, even when it isn't quite true.

Ignorant in what way ? You’re implying that every white person should know the origins of every seemingly innocent phrase or word they utter to avoid causing offence. And if they do inadvertently cause offence, however innocently, a grovelling apology is the only appropriate response. Which is preposterous.

Some things are clearly racist and unacceptable, and l think most people recognise racism when they encounter it, and hopefully would call it out. But in the OP’s case, as part of her job, she simply reported back to the client the consuming of an everyday foodstuff, and was accused of racism. And apparently she has to accept that only the client is qualified to judge whether she intended any offence - her job is to accept without question that she was wrong, and apologise. In any other context this would be seen as bullying.

The way you write assumes you're the "educated" one. If you've got to analyse interactions to such a degree - perhaps the most intelligent and educated answer is the simplest one: there is no racism in the statement.