Page 12 | Accused of racism by client

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:14

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 16:07

Who gave her the watermelon? Was she asked if she wanted some or was it just put in front of her? To understand why her client felt offended you have to know what led up to it. Is the op approachable and caring or was she there to tick a box and move on.

What on earth are you talking about ? As a care worker, in certain settings you are required to note what the person being cared for is eating, depending on the circumstances. OP was reporting back on observations. The client chose to take offence at the mention of watermelon, perceiving it as a racist trope, and reported that back to her employer without even approaching OP for clarification. To be honest, that’s what I find offensive about the whole thing.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 16:18

Illprobqblychangemynameagain · 03/05/2025 16:10

I personally feel like if the fanily are her children.... then yes she can say that. If she was racist she wouldn't of chosen to have black children surely?

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My partner has been out with women who in the end showed their true selves. Some of them called him racist names and yet they were in a relationship. It is possible.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 16:21

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:14

What on earth are you talking about ? As a care worker, in certain settings you are required to note what the person being cared for is eating, depending on the circumstances. OP was reporting back on observations. The client chose to take offence at the mention of watermelon, perceiving it as a racist trope, and reported that back to her employer without even approaching OP for clarification. To be honest, that’s what I find offensive about the whole thing.

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What are you talking about? The question was who gave her the watermelon? She said she doesn't like it so what happened. There is more to this I hope she has family who can support her.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 16:24

It's also carers responsibility to prepare meals for clients. Why did the op give her the watermelon if she doesn't like it. Not a hard question.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:34

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 16:21

What are you talking about? The question was who gave her the watermelon? She said she doesn't like it so what happened. There is more to this I hope she has family who can support her.

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The client said the child didn’t like it, not the child themselves. All OP did was report the observation that the child had eaten watermelon. If she didn’t know the child didn’t like it, and gave it anyway, surely the child would have refused.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:36

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 16:24

It's also carers responsibility to prepare meals for clients. Why did the op give her the watermelon if she doesn't like it. Not a hard question.

Not a hard question if you apply some critical thinking. The client reported that the child didn’t like watermelon. If OP wasn’t aware of that and gave it, the child wouldn’t have eaten it would they ?

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 03/05/2025 16:39

You mentioned they had eaten watermelon?
Had you watched them eat watermelon?
What exactly did you say?

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 16:44

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:36

Not a hard question if you apply some critical thinking. The client reported that the child didn’t like watermelon. If OP wasn’t aware of that and gave it, the child wouldn’t have eaten it would they ?

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The op didn't say she was a child she said "Genuinely it’s care work for SEND". Different setting. If she was a new client the op would need to get to know her likes and dislikes rather than assume she likes something.

steff13 · 03/05/2025 16:47

EmmaJane2025 · 03/05/2025 06:22

You need to hand-pollinate them or the little tiny one that appear under the flowers, will die. This is sadly due to the decline in pollinating insects. Try again! Now is the perfect time to sow the seeds and hand-pollinating is dead easy & quick! There’s tonnes of videos on YouTube showing you how to do it 🍉

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Oh my gosh, I didn't know that! We had a fat fuzzy bee out there every morning, but just the one. I'll try again. Thanks!

steff13 · 03/05/2025 16:54

Crackerjacked · 03/05/2025 06:29

Are you in America? And is this person African American? Or is this critical race theory creating more racism by applying American history when it’s not relevant?

I’m mixed race and have been called racist by people who don’t know my background and who have used critical race theory to imagine slights where there are none. It’s a very pernicious and destructive drift and should be called out assertively for what it is - post modern crap.

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Yes, I'm in America. The person in the OP is black and in the UK, as far as I know. However, that person apparently thought the suggestion that they ate watermelon was racist, despite the fact they're in the UK and not in the US.

I was offering an explanation to an individual who had never heard of racist connotations to watermelon. You're welcome to share why someone in the UK thinks it's racist if the US history is not applicable. Although I suspect it is.

ERthree · 03/05/2025 17:05

It would seem some people just look to be offended, they take great delight in calling people racist because no matter what you say the accuser always wins because only they know what racism is, and watermelon is absolutely racist.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 17:22

@Helloworlditsmeagain The reason I assumed it was a child or young person was because of the mention of SEND. Which is is exactly that - special educational needs and disabilities referring to children and young persons. Either way, re-reading of the original post seems to suggest that the client interview was with the client for whom the organisation was working, and not the person who was being cared for - there is mention of the client in person and the individual being cared for.

And where is the assumption from OP that the individual likes or dislikes something ? It was straightforward feedback on eating habits, including that they had eaten watermelon. Why provide that feedback if it didn’t happen ?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 17:31

EdithBond · 03/05/2025 13:44

100% agree.

But the only way to take the heat out of it is for people to be less fragile and more resilient in the face of challenge. Polite challenge should be encouraged and appreciated, as it makes us all (and therefor our society) more conscious, inclusive and enlightened.

@stample I know you probably didn’t think too deeply about it. And you appear keen to deal with this openly, kindly and sensitively, which is why you’ve asked for opinions. But the thread title of ‘accused of racism’ is a good illustration of this point. It’s nuance of language. They didn’t ‘accuse’ you. They didn’t suggest you’d committed a crime. They pointed it out. Presumably, in the hope of raising awareness. They wanted to explain how it made them feel and be heard and considered.

If someone challenges our actions or language as racist (or sexist, ableist etc) it doesn’t help to be defensive, fragile or feel accused or attacked. Because that makes people feel unsafe or wary to point it out or challenge it. It’s basically DARVO. The person who’s been racist ends up seeing themselves as the ‘victim’.

The best response is to be open and ask why. And ideally to educate yourself and be aware, because people shouldn’t have to point it out in the first place. It’s not good enough to take the (genuinely ignorant) attitude of ‘I don’t understand racism/sexism/disability, so Black people/women/disabled people need to explain it to me’. It’s not their job: to constantly educate and explain. It’s draining. It’s triggering. It can feel risky. If we want to be anti-racist etc, it’s on us to educate ourselves. There are plenty of books, podcasts, videos, events, art on the subject.

It’s not a blame game. The aim is for everyone to feel considered and included.

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But the blame here is on the OP for saying something she couldn’t possibly have known would be taken as racist. I’m sorry but if someone is going to take offence at an innocent remark such as this then it absolutely is on them to explain why they’ve taken offence where none was meant.

And no, the accuser didn’t suggest OP had committed a crime and they may well have pointed it out to raise awareness. But they could have done that with OP at the time the remark was made, instead of saying nothing and going straight to her employer later on. That doesn’t raise awareness of anything, it just perpetuates resentment. So to that end it definitely is a blame game.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 17:42

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 17:22

@Helloworlditsmeagain The reason I assumed it was a child or young person was because of the mention of SEND. Which is is exactly that - special educational needs and disabilities referring to children and young persons. Either way, re-reading of the original post seems to suggest that the client interview was with the client for whom the organisation was working, and not the person who was being cared for - there is mention of the client in person and the individual being cared for.

And where is the assumption from OP that the individual likes or dislikes something ? It was straightforward feedback on eating habits, including that they had eaten watermelon. Why provide that feedback if it didn’t happen ?

Edited

What was previous interactions like. It's not uncommon for a client not to like a carer. I don't know how complex her needs are she obviously doesn't like the op for whatever reason. She is allowed to feel offended if she doesn't normally like something and it's been given to her. The op is allowed to feel upset and accused. Maybe the best thing to do going forward is for the op not to work with that client anymore.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 17:53

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 17:42

What was previous interactions like. It's not uncommon for a client not to like a carer. I don't know how complex her needs are she obviously doesn't like the op for whatever reason. She is allowed to feel offended if she doesn't normally like something and it's been given to her. The op is allowed to feel upset and accused. Maybe the best thing to do going forward is for the op not to work with that client anymore.

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What a load of old codswallop. I’m sorry but the assumptions and reaches here to try to justify your point of view are just ridiculous.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 17:58

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 17:53

What a load of old codswallop. I’m sorry but the assumptions and reaches here to try to justify your point of view are just ridiculous.

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To you it's ridiculous not to the ops client. The op obviously needs to learn and educate herself seeing as she has mixed heritage children.

Gundogday · 03/05/2025 18:05

I’m going to be totally honest and say that I had no idea that there were racial connotations linked to watermelon and I imagine a lot of people (in UK) don’t. Let’s face it, Harry Styles even released a record called ‘Watermelon High’.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 18:34

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 17:58

To you it's ridiculous not to the ops client. The op obviously needs to learn and educate herself seeing as she has mixed heritage children.

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Why does she need to educate herself if all she did was feed back to the client that the person being cared for had eaten watermelon ? Are we not allowed to mention watermelon by name now ? Should Sainsburys post a trigger warning for them in the fruit and veg aisle ?

MyOliveHelper · 03/05/2025 18:52

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:02

How is that relevant if the client was observed eating it ? Care workers are required to make these observations. What - you think the OP made it up just to be racist ?

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I gave an example of how I could see this happening OR the family believing something is very wrong.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 18:56

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 18:34

Why does she need to educate herself if all she did was feed back to the client that the person being cared for had eaten watermelon ? Are we not allowed to mention watermelon by name now ? Should Sainsburys post a trigger warning for them in the fruit and veg aisle ?

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Living in a predominantly white area her children will experience racism.

BrassyLocks · 03/05/2025 19:16

There's not enough context here for anyone to give a meaningful response. It's not clear if the OP was talking to the service user or about them. Whether she fed them the watermelon, observed them eating it independently, or assumed they'd eaten it. We don't know if the person's dislike of watermelon had been noted before. Was the person the only one given watermelon while other clients had different food?

Context is everything and without it we can't judge who was in the wrong.

latetothefisting · 03/05/2025 19:26

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 17:42

What was previous interactions like. It's not uncommon for a client not to like a carer. I don't know how complex her needs are she obviously doesn't like the op for whatever reason. She is allowed to feel offended if she doesn't normally like something and it's been given to her. The op is allowed to feel upset and accused. Maybe the best thing to do going forward is for the op not to work with that client anymore.

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you clearly haven't bothered to properly read OP's posts and are making random suppositions out based on things that didn't happen.

The client who accused OP of being racist is not the same person who OP cared for and who ate the watermelon.

We have no idea how the actual person who ate the watermelon feels either about watermelon or OP, or even what race they are. There is nothing to suggest they don't like OP or themselves were offended by being given food they apparently don't like (but still ate).

It's the 'client' (perhaps a relative of the person with additional needs or similar) who is making a fuss and suggesting that OP was being racist towards them by referring to watermelon.

Either way it is offensive towards OP, and completely ridiculous, as it's basically suggesting the OP lied about what they gave the person to eat and said they ate watermelon when they didn't, solely to mock the client's ethnicity by referencing an (out of date and not particularly well known in the UK, as evidenced by this thread) racist trope.

The chances of OP doing this are so low as to be non-existent. Being trustworthy and making accurate records are key components of care work. Even if OP was racist, why would she risk her job to make a random remark like that? What would it have possibly achieved?

CaptainFuture · 03/05/2025 19:29

Who then bought the watermelon and brought it to the clients house? This wouldn't usually be something a carer would do? Randomly do a bit of shopping unrequested?

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 19:36

latetothefisting · 03/05/2025 19:26

you clearly haven't bothered to properly read OP's posts and are making random suppositions out based on things that didn't happen.

The client who accused OP of being racist is not the same person who OP cared for and who ate the watermelon.

We have no idea how the actual person who ate the watermelon feels either about watermelon or OP, or even what race they are. There is nothing to suggest they don't like OP or themselves were offended by being given food they apparently don't like (but still ate).

It's the 'client' (perhaps a relative of the person with additional needs or similar) who is making a fuss and suggesting that OP was being racist towards them by referring to watermelon.

Either way it is offensive towards OP, and completely ridiculous, as it's basically suggesting the OP lied about what they gave the person to eat and said they ate watermelon when they didn't, solely to mock the client's ethnicity by referencing an (out of date and not particularly well known in the UK, as evidenced by this thread) racist trope.

The chances of OP doing this are so low as to be non-existent. Being trustworthy and making accurate records are key components of care work. Even if OP was racist, why would she risk her job to make a random remark like that? What would it have possibly achieved?

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Read the op again I work and deal with clients daily, I spoke to a regular client being polite and civil, and they too were civil back only to get home and email my manager saying I had implied a racist remark towards them. Who was the op talking to if it wasn't the client herself?

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 19:39

Who said the op is lying @latetothefisting?