Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Final Update

[SophEll]

Well, well, well. I’ve had a very lengthy and interesting phone call from the Headteacher (HT) handling my complaint.

I now consider the matter resolved, I’m sure you are wondering what was said and I’ve done my best to summarise below:

-My initial complaint WAS wrongly dismissed without investigation - as the comments made related to a school interaction.

-The HT has offered me an unreserved apology on behalf of the school for the handling of my initial complaint which I have gratefully accepted, as long as it’s also offered in writing (which I’m assured it will be).

-I’m told the Chair was most unimpressed to learn of my experience when complaining and an urgent review of their complaints procedure has been ordered. The HT tells me that they’ll ensure appropriate oversight is put in place moving forward and was extremely grateful for me bringing this to their attention.

-As previously noted, they cannot share the outcome of the investigation into my concerns about the interaction I had, which is perfectly understandable. Yes, I know he’ll get a slap on the wrist at best and should be suitably embarrassed, but that should be sufficient to prevent someone else going through what I did.

The term ‘tail between legs’ comes to mind for certain posters on here - I await your apologies with bated breath!

Thanks for those who’ve offered constructive suggestions on how to proceed, this outcome is a victory for anyone who has ever had a complaint wrongly dismissed.

I’ve also thanked my DH, whilst initially sceptical his support in emailing the Chair made all the difference. I have the utmost respect for how the Chair and HT handled this so promptly.

I feel as though I can now put the whole sorry saga behind me and move forward (I’ll probably give that bar a miss in the future mind you!)

I’ve told DH to put the champagne on ice!

Smuggest post I’ve read on MN for a long time! 😂

She isn't a Parent from the school now

Why would the OP care if a bunch of immature half wits find this funny? Tbh I think you do teachers a disservice tarring them all with the same brush. I know several excellent teachers who wouldn't behave like this man or find the situation funny.

@SophEll you sound like a right twat.

2000+ posts and you think women are aren't understanding the issue?

Understanding all too well.

We can spot bullshitters a mile off. Especially when they forget which sexual innuendo was forced upon them. Was is the desk? Was it the face?
Women... When feeling genuinely threatened and have a genuine grievance tend not to forget such details.

One thing is for certain. Next time he sees you, he'll not be thinking about bending you over a desk. He'll probably probably just laugh at you

Nope, You are still being unreasonable.

Also, you have over egged this.
3 Days to sort this out fully in a school setting!

You are on glue.

Yeah, just what I was about to say. OP won't be embarassed though, she has little/no capacity for self reflection. Meanwhile, the whole school will be laughing at how they managed to get rid of another crazy!

Jeez Louise. OP you seriously need a hobby.

Should they be sacked for a first offence? Probably not. But the overwhelming tenor of this thread has been that OP is being ridiculous and vindictive for complaining, and that the behaviour is acceptable (mostly either because it happened off-premises, or because she no longer has a child at the school).

I don't know firefighting, police or paramedic worlds well. If a policeman/ fireman/paramedic spotted a women he knew through work and went up unbidden and said that to her, would that generally be considered acceptable?

I don't understand your economic argument. You aren't surely suggesting that the acceptability depends on how important the man is to his job? (I'm sure that does often happen in practice, but are you saying that it should do?)

My thoughts exactly! What an appalling woman! Let’s hope Karma kicks in!

Where has anyone, on any of the threads, said that what he said was fine?
He was a dick. The op is still unreasonable.

glad to hear this op

its now on record if there are other such complaints. Its not just to shut her up 🙄more internalised misogyny

We should not be accepting such misogynistic behaviour from men and laughing it off as silly drunk antics

And he wasn’t talking about her to colleagues. Totally different situation, @Maray1967
He was in a club, drunk, said something stupid and unprofessional, realised he’d said something stupid and unprofessional, pretended it was a joke and went away.

I think the teacher dodged a bullet when you knocked his, admittedly shit, pass back. Your husband must have the patience of a saint because I can only imagine what you are like should anything seriously bad happen around you.

Pleased to hear the update, I’m glad they took it seriously.

People have NOT being saying what he said was acceptable. The overwhelming consensus has been that it wasn't. But the vast majority also don't think he deserves to be dragged through an internal investigation and potentially lose his job for an incident that happened between two adults in his private life. But having just messaged my teacher OH for his take on OP's update, he's just replied that the head's clearly told her what she wanted to hear and nothing else will happen to the teacher. OH is also willing to bet a case of champagne that OP was THAT parent while her kids were at the school and that she was on the secret list all schools have of parents who are an absolute fucking nightmare to deal with!

I would rather spend my time with a Teacher who made slightly sleazy comments to me in a club than an insufferable arsehole.
Especially if said Teacher was Mr Davies from DS's Y3 - I would have had let him bend me over a desk in heartbeat, however I think he swung a different way.

If any of this happened at all ...

His remark (whichever one it was) was horribly sleazy.
You don't sound very nice either.
The school have just placated you so they can get on with their job.
Your voting options are ridiculously skewed to you "winning" either way.

Nobody is saying it’s acceptable or that they would behave like him. And they aren’t saying the nightclub incident was funny.
They are saying the OP’s approach is funny and the school will be thinking the same.

Absolutely! No more to be said!

As someone who has worked and trained people to be complaint handlers for several companies, tbf the school has handled this well. It given a pat on the head, OP Feels like she has won, and nothing has changed.

Soon you will receive a letter including i would think the comments of -

Highlighted a failure in our procedure and have failed to meet expectations. We will use this as a opportunity to refresh employee training on how to handle sensitive events and complaints so that it meets our value and expectations as a school.

We take issues seriously and have spoken at length to all parties involved in both the event and the failure to follow the correct complaints procedure.

We have now dealt with this matter internally

A good working relationship with Parents, whether past or present is vital to us as a School

In short - Yes OP you are being fobbed off. I would not be surprised if the actual teacher has not even been made aware of your complaint. To be honest, the chair and head are probably more pissed off that this wasn't given a brush off reply to you earlier to save wasting their time.

The problem with people like you it is always a rolling complaint -
1: what the teacher said
2: not happy with reply
3: not happy at how it was escalated

I have no doubt you will also not be happy with the bog standard letter you are going to receive.

At this point i think the only thing that will satisfy you is if the teacher parades down the street, wearing a pervert sign while you walk behind him shouting shame

Honestly? You’re putting champagne on ice for what you ‘went through’

Frankly I find you entire attitude appalling - but then I’ve been through actual abuse from men that actually caused real harm and had lasting effects and I will never ever be the same again.

He was inappropriate.

He didn’t assault you, he didn't stalk you, he didn’t literally ruin your life.

I find your whole demeanour over this to be utterly repugnant to be honest.

“Brian, we’ve had some woman on. Did you get shedded and say something you shouldn’t l?
”oh, shit, yeah I did. Too many sambucas”
”No worries. Don’t do it again, I can’t be arsed with these phone calls”

This is almost word for word how my teacher OH described her last night. Along with saying the Head will just fob her off with the standard off you fuck placating response because they don't have the time or resources to deal with malicious complaints