Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Final Update

[SophEll]

Well, well, well. I’ve had a very lengthy and interesting phone call from the Headteacher (HT) handling my complaint.

I now consider the matter resolved, I’m sure you are wondering what was said and I’ve done my best to summarise below:

-My initial complaint WAS wrongly dismissed without investigation - as the comments made related to a school interaction.

-The HT has offered me an unreserved apology on behalf of the school for the handling of my initial complaint which I have gratefully accepted, as long as it’s also offered in writing (which I’m assured it will be).

-I’m told the Chair was most unimpressed to learn of my experience when complaining and an urgent review of their complaints procedure has been ordered. The HT tells me that they’ll ensure appropriate oversight is put in place moving forward and was extremely grateful for me bringing this to their attention.

-As previously noted, they cannot share the outcome of the investigation into my concerns about the interaction I had, which is perfectly understandable. Yes, I know he’ll get a slap on the wrist at best and should be suitably embarrassed, but that should be sufficient to prevent someone else going through what I did.

The term ‘tail between legs’ comes to mind for certain posters on here - I await your apologies with bated breath!

Thanks for those who’ve offered constructive suggestions on how to proceed, this outcome is a victory for anyone who has ever had a complaint wrongly dismissed.

I’ve also thanked my DH, whilst initially sceptical his support in emailing the Chair made all the difference. I have the utmost respect for how the Chair and HT handled this so promptly.

I feel as though I can now put the whole sorry saga behind me and move forward (I’ll probably give that bar a miss in the future mind you!)

I’ve told DH to put the champagne on ice!

I'm being entirely genuine. I know three professional worlds well, with many years of experience across them, across many teams. All three are traditionally male-heavy sectors. In not one of them would saying this unbidden to a (current or former) work contact be acceptable, on premises or off, and in none of them would a woman who complained be ridiculed as a delusional timewaster.

Obviously I don't know all professions, and I get standards differ. I just surprised that it's like this in teaching.

What sectors do you know well, and is this sort of thing acceptable there?

What is the champagne for, OP?

If you had handled your posts differently I would be supporting you, but it sounds like you are out to get him for all the wrong reasons.

The poor sod probably had to throw in the towel and indulge her
After all, she can be very persistent, apparently.

It’s frankly very concerning that many posters seem to think it’s fine for a teacher to talk to a parent like this about what he was wishing he could do to her at parents’ evening.

In HE we occasionally have to deal with students’ parents. If one of my team started talking about what he wanted to do to one of them the rest of us would be appalled.

Apologies for what? What a bizarre thing to say!

He will not be embarrassed nor get a slap on the wrist nor will it stop his behaviour.

Will you be writing to my employer for an apology because I read this thread and you are demanding apologies from everyone on MN?

Nope, my tail is firmly upright and wagging. You overreacted massively and your comment "I’ve told DH to put the champagne on ice!" while the teacher now faces an internal investigation speaks volumes about exactly what kind of self-righteous and smug person you are. Hope the champagne is corked.

OP changed it on her second thread to - sitting on his face.

I think I'd remember which remark it was.

Apparently OP couldn't.

It's nice she has someone to defend her though.

She was no longer a parent.

Fire fighters, police officers and paramedics, you can bet your life, have behaved similarly on nights out. Should they all be sacked? Should we lose more public sector workers due to throw away chat up lines?

is there a secret back story that i am not aware of

@Maray1967 just to keep you updated.

Also, now these threads are being discussed in FB teacher groups I hope the teacher finds out about them and takes his own action against being branded a paedophile and rapist.

😆 🤣 imagine celebrating being a drama queen and thinking it's a win that you've got a teacher into trouble. Not for behaving inappropriately with students but talking dirty to a grown woman.

BUT SHE WON!!!!!!!!!

But my understanding is it was in a club years later..
I'm not condoning his pervy statement but really you'd expect someone to be reprimanded professionally years down the line from having any dealings in school with said individual so therefore not really relevant.

Tesco driver called me a ginger curly haired twat once when he got the rage at me. Thought he was a prick but wouldn't then call up a new employer if I saw him again...

Well yes, if one of your team started talking like that in your workplace about a current parent that would be appalling and correctly something to be addressed with that individual. But that's not what happened here.

He said something pretty unpleasant and inappropriate to someone now entirely unconnected with his workplace entirely outside his workplace. Very different.

Head's probably read through MN last night thinking 'fuck's sake, I've got more important things to be doing than pandering to this idiot. Right, what meaningless shit does she want me to say to make her go away? OK, let's get this done first thing' and hasn't/won't even mention it to the teacher that's been accused when it could just as easily be countered with a 'haven't a clue what she's on about/wasn't even out/she was very drunk and propositioned me so I made my excuses and left/I was out with my boyfriend'.

This. I am shocked at the MN consensus.

A teacher chatting up a parent - fine.

A teacher chatting up a parent using overtly sexual language regarding what he wants to do, or rather using overtly sexual language before knowing if OP was interested - not fine

Referring back to his previous inappropriate sexual thoughts in his place of work when she was forced to be there in order to be a good parent - really bad

How is this not worse than if a man writes to a TV presenter saying he imagines giving her a good rogering on set every time he watches her. If a man posted on here saying he writes to celebs telling them he thinks about sex with them at their place of work he'd be DESTROYED. Why is a woman at a club (who has shown no interest) not the same?

Yay well done OP you won in the end didn’t you?

Reminds me of when my son was little and went around telling everyone he had won a kitkat lol bless him it was a vending machine but he was over the moon thinking he had genuinely won it haha

It sounds like they’ve taken this matter really seriously and given it a whole 24 hours of thought and investigation 😂

This. Good grief. It smacks of Roxanne Pallett wailing to anyone who'd listen that she'd been beaten up in the Big Brother house.

No option for ‘This entire thing is fucking insane and should never have been a complaint in the first place, let alone three threads on Mumsnet’ then

I currently work across most sectors as part of a diverse role, in none of them would management be the slightest bit arsed about this.

A comment made off duty, off site, with someone you currently have no professional relationship with whatsoever, in a bar. Not work related, not their business. Flirting isn’t a crime & although this was a very clumsy attempt as it, that is all it was.

We all go home/leave work and do things that we wouldn’t do in a work environment, have sex, drink alcohol, swear etc, it’s not a work issue.

What a sad little life Jane.

eee get a grip honestly, go for a walk, have a glass of wine babe