to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

[Perimama]

Hi, a good friend of mine asked me if my teen wanted to cat sit for her while she was abroad for 10 days over Easter. My teen said yes and we assumed that it would be paid as I know she has paid other teens in the past. She lives a 5-10 min drive away so I drove my teen twice a day for 10 days to feed her cats and take care of some other house sitting stuff. She is now back from the trip and has sent a text message thanking me and my teen but no mention of pay. I wish I had asked before she went! My teen is 15 and keen to earn extra money which is why she accepted this job. Would you bring it up to the friend? I feel very awkward about it! Her teen pet sit for us a year or so ago and I left her some money in an envelope.

Sorry OP, I think you’ve missed the boat on this one. You should have set the T&Cs before hand. There’s no way I’d ask her afterward.

Bit of a drip feed Op when you suddenly announce that you paid her dd for the same.

Agree. Days of handwringing instead of a quick text: "DD was happy to care for Molly. You can send me her payment and I'll pass it along immediately. Here are my bank details. See you soon."

Your friend was cheeky, I pay my next door neighbour £10 per day to nip in and feed our cats twice a day when we’re away, cheaper than a cattery, our neighbor likes spending time with them and the cats don’t have to leave their home it’s a win win really.

You and your daughter definitely should’ve clarified payment beforehand but I can see how it would be easy to assume tbh. If you value the friendship I’m not sure I would say anything on this occasion but if there’s a next time I would make it clear that dd will require payment.

Maybe if she brings it up on Friday you could just say actually you had told dd that your friend usually pays other teens to care for the cats so you’d both assumed that she’d be compensated for her time, doesn’t need to be confrontational or anything but perhaps she’s just been abit thoughtless.

do let us know what happens! Hopefully she gives you something tomorrow. if not , i would probably just say ‘ we enjoyed it but won’t be doing it again, it did take a lot of our time going backwards and forwards & thought you’d throw a bit of money her way for her efforts !’
Catteries can be between £11-18 pn so really 🤔
As a pet owner kennels & cattery are part of the holiday expense .

She doesn’t want to pay

I would say 'Dd is very excited to be getting paid for the petsitting as she's saving towards X. I know we didn't discuss a set amount, so how about £100 as she did 20 visits and I had to drive her there?'

Seems like she thought it would be free because it was your daughter and also you were part of it.

I would just say my daughter assumed it was a paid job but give her time to offer something.

Did you tell her teen there was money when she was cat sitting for you or did you leave the envelope as a surprise? Maybe the friend is unaware you left money and thought it was one favour for another.

This life lesson is worth its weight in gold. And one you have also just learnt. Work=Pay and find your voice.

OP, it is hard to believe that you are making this all about you and your awkwardness.

I would have too much respect for my daughter, too much regard for her to allow such a ridiculous situation to drag on.

Your daughter made 20 visits, you drove her.....she should have been paid immediately.

The modelling you are doing to your daughter is frankly shocking.

I'm mortified for you, that you wouldn't see how genuinely awful this is.

Your daughter did a great job and you allow her to be treated like this by a so called good friend?

Good friend my arse.

I wouldn't tolerated this and most mothers wouldn't either.
They would get the hell over themselves and spell it out to their so called friend.

She was expecting to be paid and you are embarrassed that she hasn't been paid promptly for her efforts.

I am sick of young adults being disregarded and messed around when they do a good job.

It would sour the relationship for me.
But then I definitely am more loyal to my children than friends.

Now you are going on about paying your daughter money you don't have?

Unbelievable.

Apologies if this is harsh but you need to give your head a firm wobble.

What teen would volunteer for a 10 day, twice a day job for nothing?

This meant she was tied plans wise for 10 days.

Any person who would assume it was free is a tight disgrace and there is no way they would get away with using my child like that.

Happy to accept £60 for her child but nothing for yours for a much bigger longer job.

If that is the case, she's NO friend.

Shes a user that thinks you are a mug who would allow her child be used.

I’d mention it with the facts. It wasn’t a one off-favour. You’d expected minimum wage for doing it, not 20 visits for free.

10 minutes each visit not including travel = 3 hours 20 minutes. Minimum wage is £7.55ph. She should pay at least £25. That is £1.25 per visit which is shockingly low and no cat sitter would ever charge that little!

This happened to me twice as a teen/young adult- both babysitting jobs that I never got paid for. Pisstakers.
I was like you OP and embarrassed to ask but do yourself and your daughter a favour and learn how to communicate assertively. It gets easier the more you do it and you will grow on self esteem.
you have had lots of good suggestions for wording but something along the lines of a text that says ‘Dear friend, we should have discussed this upfront but DD and I had assumed the cat sitting was a paid gig. Here are her bank details. Looking forward to our coffee Friday!

Did you refer to it as a job in this text?

If so it's kind of obvious she expects to be paid

Ans also its not just the physical time and the travel... It's the fact it's a commitment... And a pretty heavy commitment... I wouldn't want to have to commit to a 20 min around trip twice a day except on an emergency.

So the daughter is then tied to not being elsewhere /doing homework /hanging out with friends...

Maybe she is waiting to see you and give you money for your DD? I hope so anyway!

I see this thread is on Facebook now so I wouldn't be surprised if the friend has seen it.

you’re just waiting till Friday because you’re too embarrassed to sort it NOW. You owe it to your child to get this sorted. The longer you wait the more awkward it becomes. Just send a text now. Plenty of good suggestions for text have been made here. Copy one of them. She needs a reminder that it was your child cat sitting, not you (who’s always done it for a free).

I have voted YABU for not asking in the first place.
Maybe she specifically asked you, a friend, if your teen would do it as she didn't want to pay someone this time. I don't know who the teens were that did this for her in the past but as you are friends maybe she was hoping to save some money by not having to pay a proper cat sitter or a teenager who does odd jobs. Yes this is absolutely cheeky, but maybe she thinks she can return the favour at some point for you (and therefore avoid any costs).

It's Friday today. It's hardly a long wait.

Who would expect this for free, unless you'd previously mentioned your teen loved cats or wanted some experience or something, 20 visits is loads and a lot of effort... I suspect she'd assume when she asked that you'd say "she'd love to and happy for a tenner a visit" etc to set the rate and when you didn't she became a CF and thought she'd get away with it.
A good way out would be to say maybe;
"Oh I didn't give you teens bank account details did I"
"Oh gosh I realised we didn't agree a rate before you went away, teen was just working out her clothes budget and wasn't sure what to factor in from your pet sitting?"

I wouldn't blow up the friendship over it, I'd just play on social awkwardness and make her be the one to either pay or awkwardly go "oh no, I'm not paying I wanted it for free"

That wasn't me! Which Facebook page?

I don't pay and never have done. I bring something nice back. But then I don't ask children to feed my cats and adults don't expect paying.

If I was paying i may as well book a professional cat sitter not just a friend.

Update. I met her for coffee today and she bought an envelope with some cash for my DD. Lesson learned I will make sure I or my DD discuss payment in advance for anything like this in the future. Thanks everyone for their advice.

It’s good you didn’t have to ask her