to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

[Perimama]

Hi, a good friend of mine asked me if my teen wanted to cat sit for her while she was abroad for 10 days over Easter. My teen said yes and we assumed that it would be paid as I know she has paid other teens in the past. She lives a 5-10 min drive away so I drove my teen twice a day for 10 days to feed her cats and take care of some other house sitting stuff. She is now back from the trip and has sent a text message thanking me and my teen but no mention of pay. I wish I had asked before she went! My teen is 15 and keen to earn extra money which is why she accepted this job. Would you bring it up to the friend? I feel very awkward about it! Her teen pet sit for us a year or so ago and I left her some money in an envelope.

Could you message her with your DD's bank details? In a nice way, something like 'DD says cash is for old people like us now, here's her bank etc."

Unless you have some how previously indicated to her your teen is absolutely cat mad and likes nothing more than spending time with cats - why else would she 'want' to feed her cat twice a day unless it was for money. She asked if she wanted to - not would she do her a favour.
My friend's son /son's friend came and took my dog out for a walk when we needed someone and we were all working that day. I offered to pay him as it was a one off - he said no as we had taken him on holiday with us. I offered to pay his bus fares and he had a pass - but even as a one off I wouldn't expect a teen to want to do it for free,

Way too little! 😁... This will teach yer daughter to be significantly put out... It's 20 visits for a pound a time?!

If you are meeting I would text ahead and say also just wondering if you needed DD’s bank details or if you are giving me the cash tomorrow. DD can’t wait to buy X on Saturday, she’s been saving up for a while now.

Message your friend that you are teaching your DD how to handle personal finances, then get DD to send an invoice over!

You need to be direct and assertive otherwise your awkwardness is actually letting your daughter down, and setting a terrible example for her to be taken advantage of.

This!
but for £15 a day, as that is the precedence you have set with her daughter and the hamsters.

I think you need to text before you see her on Friday. Especially if you were planning on waiting to see if she brings money. So you get there, you wait for her to produce payment, all the while dreading the discussion and awkwardly waiting for the right moment.
You need to be breezy but firm as if it was assumed she would pay eg
’I’ve just realised I don’t think I gave you DC bank details for you to pay him for the cat sitting’. This way, she’ll either reply agreeing with you and to you sending his details, or she’ll be forced into admitting she wasn’t going to pay him or thought he was doing it as a favour, which will be embarrassing for her as who expects 10 days of cat sitting to be free? And you’ll be able to respond ‘why did you think he’d do it for nothing?’.

Bit late for saying that now as she obviously didn’t ????????

I always pay £5 per visit for cat feeding.

Definitely go with the response “happy to earn some cash.” So she can bring it when you see her. Also may be an oversight. I spent several weeks fretting about a work quote who put a lot in for expenses and then in T&Cs said they’d be extra costs on top. Turned out they’d changed policy to include expenses and forgotten to update T&Cs. But I fretted about it for weeks.

This is perfect. I would absolutely send a text now-I wouldn't wait till you meet up.

Can your teen text their bank details before you meet your friend?

I dont think you've been foolish. It wouldn't cross my mind she wouldn't pay so it also wouldn't cross my mind to clarify.

If you do end up asking, I hope she's the one who ends up embarrassed.

As PP have said, you def need to text before the coffee. Breezy but firm is perfect. Of course she was going to pay your DD, with whatever the rate you paid for hamster sitting. Start with that figure and let her haggle from there.
But needs to be before your catch-up. If she's rude about it or claims tilt was for free, you then know not to bother with the coffee

Add to say - I asked a friend's DD to pop in and feed/pay our cat for a few days. I made it clear what the payment would be and left the cash under a fridge magnet on the fridge. No ifs or buts

Op I think your approach is - and I say this kindly - very weak! It will be much harder in person and if she wasn't planning on paying you won't be able to state clearly what the expectation is. Put the embarassment back on her.

as you say - absolutely nobody can ask a teen to do 20 cat visits for free and it's extremely bad manners of her to leave you unclear like this

Send a text and say - so 'teen' is embarassed not to have clarified this but I said you would be happy to sort this asap - how much was the rate for feeding the cats?

you can do the british thing of saying 'so sorry she didn't clarify first but of course she is just starting out at earning money etc so Im trying to teach her to be more organised'

DO NOT compensate your teen !!! Your friend needs to pay.

You could say “ by the way DD would prefer a bank transfer instead of cash if that’s okay as she’s saving”

Totally agree that she should be paying. However:
1/ this should have been sorted before she went away, not after.
2/ the correspondence should be between her and your daughter. Not with you in the middle. She is the one doing the 'work' and should not be hiding behind her mother regarding things like payment conditions. She should have said to her when it was agreed 'ok, what shall we agree on as a daily rate?' That is called being mature and taking responsibility.

Haven’t RTFT so May already have been suggested. What about putting in the text something along the lines of’ would it be easier for me to give you DD bank details rather than you pay her cash’ ? always assuming she has an account obvs! Ensures no ambiguity then and makes it clear that payment is expected.

id send something like this…. Keeps it friendly but manages expectations

Let’s go with the assumption that your friend has been absentminded this time. If she knows you haven’t been working, this may be why she offered this job to you both.

Couple of times for an adult to feed a pet, sure I wouldn’t charge, especially depending on the arrangement. We had a neighbour with a cat and we would help each other out often in exchange for free.

However, in this instance 10
days def requires compensation. It’s out of your way, and you aren’t working, so you’re out of pocket, and she pays other teens. Looking after a cat, feeding them, cleaning their trays & the other chores your teen did deserve compensation.

When I go away I have to factor cat sitting into my holiday expense, even when my friend stays, I ALWAYS leave money or something else of worth and groceries for them if they refuse. It’s just good manners!

Our local cat sitter charges £12 for the hour. This includes playing with our cat 🐈‍⬛

I wouldn't want my bank details texted.
Is there a back story here OP.

Has catsitting been done before

Did she pay then.
Does she do you alot of favours.

Surely if payment wasn't mentioned by any party your friend just thought it was a favour.

There is no danger in providing a banks account number and sort code

I pay £15/day for my cattery. I would think that she should pay our teen at least half that...and yes you should message or call her before Friday.