Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Apologies if someone has already posted this, I have only skim read the last few pages...

You say you are in desperate need of new glasses - if you wear these for driving then that's should really be a priority in your budget.

If you hunt around there are sometimes money off offers for eye tests for places like specsavers etc and even if not I think a basic eye test wouldn't be more than £20 at most ? Don't buy your glasses from them, ask them to just give you the prescription, and then providing you don't have a really complicated condition you should be able to use it to get a cheap pair made up by one of those online companys like specselect or glassesdirect.

I just think this is not much money for 3 kids. I'm sorry OP it is tough.

People coming on here saying it's a high income are just wrong. It really isn't gor a larger family once mortgage cars etc are in there.

Sorry if I've missed you mentioning this but would grandparents consider contributing for the kids to do clubs etc. It's stressful when the odds and bits of modern life just take you over...ie. 70 quid for family birthday meal.

There’s not a lot of evidence on this thread to suggest she would be a good business mentor.

Sorry if these have been said

• is the car loan through your business for maximum benefit as a business expense? Would a small van be cheaper? We got an interest free loan for an electric car which has been amazing and is cheap to run.

• we get our electricity through octopus which gives us free Caffe Nero codes each week. We also have our phones through 3 which give us £1 Caffe Nero codes.

• all the hairdressers round here do free/cheap supervised haircuts for their trainees. Worth following on Facebook to see these.

I think if you're in the wedding industry it is important to be well turned out and smart looking so worth investing a bit in yourself.

As others have said, I think you should consider getting a job unless you think your business will take off massively soon. I think you are proving to yourself that, as it is for most people, stopping a salaried job and starting your own business is not a viable option when you have so many financial responsibilities. Also agree 450 on pcp is a lot

£450 a month for a car is ridiculous. You could buy a reasonable second hand car for less than £10,000. Monthly payments fool people into spending far more than they would otherwise. The jump in mortgage payments must have been a big blow though.

Can you share more details about your self-employed wedding business and what's limiting you from growing that further? (you mention space limitations of your home, but there might be creative ways to address that).

There are a lot of business-savvy, experienced, entrepreneurial posters on Mumsnet who might be able to help you on that front.

If you were NHS are you a nurse?
I did night shifts when my DC were little so no childcare needed as DH was with them. I took bank shifts too over bank holidays - £££

If you are currently looking after your own kids after school could you offer school pick ups or minding services?

Or local babysitting if your Dh is home evenings?

I've often thought I'd much rather use an experienced local mum fir babysitting then a teenager

You absolutely don’t need to be spending £450 on a car, you could save £200 straight away there.

Personal lease, brand new Peugeot 3008 or Nissan £250 a month.

@Wharawho consider getting a few hours per week in a regular job. One place to consider is in a supermarket for the staff discount eg Asda give a 15% discount to staff.

It could be just a few hours but that staff discount is a huge benefit.

Your household earnings are unbalanced so you need to be the one to earn more money as your DH will lose more in tax.

Are you charging enough for your services? A 5% increase is all profit.

I earn 40k and don't have car finance, it's just me and one DC. I can completely see how someone would struggle on 70k with debt and 2 extra kids+ husband!

You have 3 kids are trying to live off not much more than what two adults earning minimum wage take home. The cost of living is through the roof. No wonder you are struggling. Anyone would be.

Our income is £250k a year but we have an ASD child at private school to pay for, another at state who has an expensive sporting hobby and another at uni. We also have a big mortgage due to where we live for work. We spend every penny each month, and although we don’t think we live frugally we don’t buy new clothes unless the are really needed, have sim only phones, I have haircut once a year, have never had nails done, don’t have any tv subscriptions, have a 10 year old car we bought 2nd hand, would never dream of spending money on days out anywhere (although we recently went to Hampton court, that’s a once a year thing) and we haven’t been abroad since pre Covid. Too expensive. We’re not skint - we save our bonuses every year - life’s good but not extravagant. I don’t think anyone’s is just now.

I advise you to readjust your expectations of what life ought to be like. It sounds like there is a lot of love in your household, and that’s something to cherish.

sounds to me that you need a cheaper car
you can still get a large enough car without spending so much money on it surely?

Keep in mind this won’t be forever. You won’t always need childcare!

Go through your budget really carefully.

Cancel your Amazon account or any accounts that allow mindless purchasing if this is an issue. A lot of small purchases add up.

Meal plan and Order all food online if you find yourself tempted by extras at the supermarket. Supermarkets are designed to tempt you into spending money you don’t need to. Getting milk and bread delivered is usually more expensive than the supermarket, but I do it because it helps me avoid top up shops, where I end up buying other bits we don’t need. I also buy a weekly fruit and veg box and meat frozen in bulk. I buy dry goods like pasta at a discount food warehouse once every few months. This also saves time.

Can you cut out the Costa trips and do some volunteering as a family? My family are grown up now, but we used to help at a community garden a couple of times a month. It was free and we would bring a flask and some biscuits or cake from home. Occasionally we would also bring vegetables home. My daughter is now really into ecology and my son likes gardening, and it was great for their CV once they were teens looking for their first Saturday job.

The PCP sounds unaffordable. Can you get out of it and get a much older vehicle on a 0% credit card or with a small personal loan? My tip for identifying a reliable make and model of vehicle that is less likely to give you huge bills is to check what local taxi companies use. Then have a chat with the taxi company about how they find it and what potential faults to look for.

I would cut the TV subscriptions, or keep just one and rotate them.

Youve got this. Good luck.

It’s the same one that goes out in any thread about abusive parents where someone who has just lost a parent says (to a poster who has suffered horrifically) treasure your parents, they will be dead some day.

That’s the choice you have made though isn’t it. You don’t bring in enough money for the extras in life, but you’ve chosen to work a job you like with the hours you want. Everyone has priorities and that’s yours, which is fine if you and your DH are both happy with it. Others afford the extras because they have made different choices. Personally, I chose the other option and we have a higher joint income and I work in a job I don’t love but beings in a good salary. I chose this so we could afford to have savings for us and DCs, days out and holidays as those are important to me.

does the 3 year old need swimming lessons?
seems a bit young when money is tight
and glasses, they dont have to be top of the range.
buy clothes from charity shops

You spend a looong time working in life. No point in not being happy ( or at least not unhappy) while you are there. It's really not worth it for more money.. Try going on MSE expert and doing one of those budget planners. Be honest with every penny. Often there are ways to make savings without it hurting too much. I suppose the biggest expense is the car ( mortgage is low) I'm not sure how these car deals work though so can't advise on that

So the big issues seem to be:

Mortgage - hopefully interest rates will go down at some point. But if you applied for the mortgage when you were on your previous higher salary, then that's another reason it's more of a struggle now.

The tax repayment - how long does that go on for?

And your business. Sorry to pile on, OP, but it really is more of a hobby at this point. Another part time job could only help, even if you're unwilling to give up the business.

It won't make much of a dent, but the Netflix Disney and (presumably) whatever etc is are luxuries. Have you considered joining the local library? They will have DVDs to borrow as well as books.

No point in not being happy ( or at least not unhappy) while you are there. It's really not worth it for more money..

OP may love the job, but is she really happy when she's worried about money all the time?

Cut out Netflix and Disney. We just watch free tv, and a lot on iplayer. Cut out the Costa.
I would agree that the car is a big expense, though. Isn't there a way to get one cheaper?

🤣 are you me?

Could you give an exact breakdown of your monthly payments,gas electricity etc..your food bill is very high for someone who cooks from scratch. I have used glasses direct for 20 years.

Is this just a case of weathering the storm until mortgage rates are lower again and you might be in future paying a few hundred pounds less?

I was a SAHM for about 5 years when children were small. Only intended for 3 years, as I was studying but we moved and it took 2 years to get a job in the area we'd moved to. We had some frugal years where we didn't expect much. Luckily we ran one car which was not very new or expensive but only had 2 dc so not the car seat issue.

In a few years your youngest will be at school, your business might grow, your mortgage might be lower.

Looking at your figures I'd say the food bill seems a little high given the ages of your kids and your DH cooking from scratch. Does that include all toiletries, household cleaning stuff? Maybe not so bad if it does. Do your DC have packed lunches? If so are they full of lots of little convenient items, or a simple one made from scratch?

The thing that stands out as the biggest problem is the car finance. Might have been better to get a loan for a car a few years old and end up owning the car.

Have you costed out renting storage/space for your business Vs how much extra you could earn?

Finally, have you put your prices up to reflect your extra costs?