Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Can you do some weekend bank/locum work depending on the type of role? While DH is home doing childcare then there’s no extra costs

I don’t think it’s a binary decision between your own business which pays peanuts and and a career you’ll hate. You may well find another job your really enjoy.

the facts are you came on here as you have no spare money. So you need to look at how to create it. My suggestions would be

cancel tv subscriptions, there’s lots of free tv. Immediately set up a direct debit for the subscription costs into a savings account.

review the car situation. You need two due to your poorly paying business which you say you can’t expand and so can you reduce the cost of the £450pcp, that’s a real millstone for you. There must be cheaper options that fit in a family of 5.

get an evening job when your partner is home and this will help you build a cushion of savings to help you get out of the living month to month. It doesn’t have to be forever, but until you have some savings, have saved and bought a car so you get rid of the pcp etc

have you investigated new mortgage deals?

Are you actually earning full time min wage from your work op? For all the time you put into it?

Really think about whether it is worth it and if there are any other options. This type of hobby business is often a self indulgent choice, a way to tell yourself you are working/earning when it really isn't offering the reward financially.

£70k isnt a huge income for a family with 3 kids. Between inflation & high mortgage rates, if you aren't earning at least 50% more than you were 10 years ago you are worse off.

£70k for 5 people isn’t a lot tbh. Not trying to make you feel bad but it’s £35k each. At least you get two personal tax allowances as that does help, but I’m not surprised you are struggling. How much longer will
you have the car payment? How much longer is your mortgage deal?

I would cut the swimming lessons and I’m a swimming teacher! Our local pool has cheap swimming on a Monday evening (£1 for kids and £2 for adults). We take my older son to this instead of lessons at the moment. Do you have all 3 in lessons? Even the cheapest available will set you back a lot. You can’t afford swimming lessons with £160 left for the month. I get that you think it’s important (I also do), but food on the table is more so.

Ive found a local church to me that sells out of date food for 10p and 20p (think day old bread). Maybe if we have an idea where you live we could make local money saving suggestions.

Not sure if it has been mentioned but paying insurance monthly is a very expensive loan essentially, you'd be better off getting a credit cArd with 0% on purchases (and cash back.if possible) to pay for it and them pay it off monthly

Oh and what brand is the car? At 450 a month I'm guessing its not a cheaper brand.

I think you’re managing a lot on a small income. Increase your income and/or find a way of cheaper car if possible are my only suggestions.

All I would suggest is looking at the whole year and seeing if you have some months that are better for low expenses, for us it's jan-March so we are extremely cheap in those months and save a buffer for the rest of the year. There is no easy answer apart from being really tight.

How long are you locked in to your mortgage and car? These are 2 of your biggest outgoings so anything you can do on those will be a benefit. Would a decent 2nd hand car be a cheaper option? Are you able to get out of your car finance deal?

There was about 4 years where we had a 'lean' time with finances when our 2DC were young - mainly due to childcare, although it sounds like this is minimal for you.

You hated your old job with a bigger, steadier income. You now have your own business, get paid NMW but you are much happier and can work flexibly - this is such a huge thing, please do not forget this and realise this is 'worth' something.

Is your DH looking at other job opportunities?

It sounds like in 5 years time, things might have swung in your direction - stable business, no car payments, lower mortgage, no tax payments

Reading through your posts OP- what’s stuck out to me was that you receive £4800 post tax a month- your bills come to £2600, that leaves £2200 for a family of five, I think that is doable, take off £800 month to eat well that leaves £1400 for miscellaneous- I actually don’t think that’s bad but your management of it is - obviously the tax bill isn’t helping and that’s £350 month and you have had some unexpected car bills. I would suggest starting some sinking funds- I would recommend Dave Ramsey if no one has mentioned haven’t rtft, so you have some pots with money in specifically for car repairs, uniforms, birthdays etc. Print out your bank statements from past 3 months, get some highlighters and highlight essential spending so bills, food shop etc and highlight non essentials in a different colour I’m sure it will highlight were you may be overspending and then you can create a budget so for instance £200 per month for family days out etc

I don’t have any useful advice but I just want to commiserate - I’ve had the same glasses for years and at this point they are and look so old that I’m embarrassed to go get my eyes tested because you can tell they’ve been through it. Never mind having to book the dentist, let’s not get extravagant!!

I’m not surprised you’re struggling, I make about £1900 as a single parent and it straight away gets eaten up by bills and just to get by.

Given that you’re self employed and drive, would you be able to fit a small part-time around it? I’ve been looking for one myself but everything in my area requires driving.

Sorry OP. My DH and I have a household income of 70k. It could be more but I work in a self employed job that I love. We live comfortably, but practically rather than lavishly. However we don’t have children, largely due to the expense. If we’d planned to have children I’d have stayed in a well paying but boring job. 70k is just not enough with 3 kids in the mix!

You can’t afford a hobby job - it’s bringing in buttons and tying you to a car that’s costing £450 a month, to be blunt.

You think you don't have luxuries but you do - 3 (lovely) dc, a modern car, and the chance to work in a job that makes you really happy - these are things many of us can only aspire to!
But fgs get your eyes sorted, your vision will get worse if you wear the wrong glasses and they can be replaced cheaply

I don't understand how you're not saving money on £70,000 combined income a year. We were on £30,000 combined income and still saved money each month. We're now on £55,000 combined income and saving less because we're choosing to spend more money. I honestly would write down everything you spend, look through your credit card statements. Cut out everything unnecessary like Netflix, coffee trips, Mcdonald runs and lots of clothes. Try making your groceries cheaper by cooking cheaper meals and buying less branded stuff.

We sound very very similar to you (another whose ‘luxury’ is the children’s swimming class!) op except I’m fishing for a second car at the no because our car is buckling under the pressure of all the journeys and I’m wrecked from dropping dh to the train station at half six in the morning and he’s wrecked from collecting me from my work at 7, 8, 9 or 10 at night.

We go on holidays by getting loans, plain and simple. I think everyone now needs to acknowledge even two wages won’t make things easy for people and at some stage you have to live. I’d also consider a small pt job to have a little extra (only if your business doesn’t take up all your time)

You could have got a cheaper car. £450pcm is obscene

We're also becoming increasingly squeezed, our wages just haven't gone up in line with inflation. Unlike the OP, DP and I haven't changed jobs, but we have seen a drop in lifestyle, we're both in sectors where the risk of redundancy is high right now and it scares me that things will get worse.

Not read thread but I sympathise, DH and I have a decent combined income, and we still have to be very frugal. You are not alone.

If your business is not just break even, but generating a £24k profit after year two, you need to reasses your business.

Change from whatever you are currently doing and start mentoring others. You are in the one percent club. Focus on business mentoring, expand your client base, you don't need extra space for this, just a phone and laptop.

You've answered your own question about increasing your income.

I understand that it’s difficult op, but these are all choices you have made? Three dc was always going to be expensive. When setting up a business it always takes time to become profitable. What did your business plan look like? Are you earning more or less than you thought? You need to either ramp up your business or go back to work. Or live with the hard times.

Ughh, business mentoring is not the answer. There are far too many mentors and life coaches.

Also debt isn't the answer either, to anyone who's suggested it.

You work planning weddings? Sorry for the negativity, but I dont think this is an industry that will grow much. The number of marriages are declining and those who are getting married will have less and less money to spend on them.

You are doing quite well for £70k household income actually!! Can you move jobs, retrain for a higher paying job etc?

Could you switch the big car for a crew cab type van - primarily for work but comfortable enough to transport the family. Save on tax if a company vehicle. Unfortunately you can’t do this with pick up trucks any more but I think vans are still ok