Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Have you spoken to a debt advisor, and got a benefit check. Talk to CAB it might be good to get another perspective on your finances.

Yes, I now know people can struggle on £70k. It depends on their outgoings etc.
You earn more, you spend more. I know because that was me once upon a time.

@Wharawho You've got two choices as far as I can see.... You either cut back significantly to live within your means. Work out having one car or get two cheaper cars and carry on your business and accept it's not a great income. OR you increase your earning to fit with your financial goals, so going back to a permanent role in the NHS or even doing bank or agency to supplement your income and your business is secondary (on the side).

I cannot find the quote, but I'm sure OP said hubby has to pay £350 tax per month to HMRC as someone mucked up? How long do you have to pay it back for? As that is a sizeable chunk every month? 🤔

Depending on your outgoing agreements, eg mortgage, phone contract, broadband contract, you maybe able to cut down some of those.
How long have you got left on your mortgage? Could you lengthen the repayment time by a few years eg 20 years to 25 years, this would reduce your monthly payment a fair amount.
When is are your phone and broadband contracts up? You could just buy a SIM only deal and keep using your current phone rather than constantly upgrade, these can be really cost effective, i'm with Smarty for £10 for 60GB a month which is more than enough for me, likewise for broadband, or SKY membership, those subcription services are so expensive, could you do without TV extras (if you've got them)
Could you trade your car in and get a personal loan to buy an older car? The money you're paying out or the time you're paying over could be vastly reduced.
Basically, you need a review of all your monthly outgoings, there are bound to be ways to save money here and there and it all helps!

On the one hand I am incredulous that somebody with this income is struggling, on the other I fully comprehend! If you take your eye off the ball, you are stuffed. See my little example of the wasted £50.00 earlier.
Perhaps our expectations are not realistic. This " coffee" thing for example simply didn't exist until recently.

Not unreasonable!
We sometimes switch bank accounts when offers are on for a bit of extra cash (can buffer your savings if you are both getting money for a switch!). Could also look at bank accounts that give incentives (for example, with one of the Lloyds accounts you get disney+ or a certain number of cinema tickets per year!).. if you both had one of these accounts, you've got disney and then some a fun day out with the kids covered!

If you have time, look into matched betting and a company called odds monkey. All legit and a way of making extra money each month.

Martin Lewis money saving expert, has weekly emails with a lot of financial help. Jordan coupon kid also finds a lot of deals for different savings Regards.x

I am in a similar boat to OP and have 5 subscriptions to music/film.. but they add up to £51 only per month and give a lot back in terms of enjoyment and wellbeing. But every time I walk into Tesco for one item I come out £28 down. Food and household goods seem to double in price overnight. Standard price for tomatoes and strawberries for example, grown in the UK is now £2-3.00 each. Shocking.

Growing your own strawberries is really easy, you can do it in a window box

So if you were to die would you have enough to pay your debt off or not?

For tomatoes and strawberries you are still paying 'out of season' prices.

We grow our own, we are only just seeing a few forced strawberries now. These are grown under cover with automated watering so lots of work and cost (if this wasn't our hobby).

'Grow your own' is a rewarding hobby but we only use it to provide treats rather than staples.

i imagine my estate would cover it. Why?

Yes James Dyson is even doing it on his farmland selling in the supermarkets now.

I really hope your debt is on 0% cards?

Yes, but you can only have them for two months of the year!

There is a third option - she can reposition her business to make more money

And growing enough to get even 2-3 punnets is more than most gardeners manage.

I hate advice like this. I love gardening/growing but most of us are not going full-tilt Charles Dowding in our domestic gardens.

(Not you, obvs, the person you were replying to)

There are jobs out there which aren't 9-5. How about a supermarket, cinema or leisure centre? Make the most of the popularity of zero hours contracts and pick up evening shifts when you're other work is quiet and your husband's home from work.

Make the most of all your spending in Tesco and use your Clubcard points to pay for your Disney+ subscription (assuming you already have it!)

Before repositioning her business, the first thing she needs to do is go through the books properly and work out if she is actually making money.

Even in the first posts where the OP says she’s ’paying herself minimum wage’ (and we still don’t know if that’s £25,000 a year or £12.21 per hour for a limited number of hours worked or if the OP is properly taking prep time into account in calculating the hours worked), she then lists substantial business expenses as coming out of that income (car, fuel, some paid child care).

I think there is a genuine possibility she isn’t making any money or if she is, it’s far less than she thinks.

the average salary is 35k so this is a very standard household income

I’m sure that’s true. It doesn’t mean that’s enough if you have 3 kids. It’s clearly not for the OP as she is struggling

Sorry but it should be enough since the OP hasn't mentioned childcare costs