Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

@Wharawho I get that completely. I worked in the civil service (until recently) as my kids were small. I didn’t love it but it paid the bills allowed for husband to pursue his career (long hours very demanding) and once the kids were a bit bigger we re accessed. It’s all about what works for you and your family.

Your post said “70k and you’re struggling?”
That is castigating and mocking in tone, and I’m sure there is plenty more to come, from you or posters like you.

The car is insanely expensive

and you have 2 ! The maintenance on the older paid off car is costing you loads too

can you get rid of both and then buy a second hand bigger car outright!

we earn similar to you - but our mortgage is 1800 a month

no car though and we cycle everywhere - so outgoings low

I sell on Vinted and then use the money I make to buy kids clothes on there - so it’s not costing me money.

if you only had 1 cars tax and insurance and not to pay, and no finance - that’s heaps of money left over

I am on less than £10k a year. So to see someone one 7 times that say they can't afford to live... I don't have much sympathy. Come live in my shoes.

Oh gosh! Sorry I didn't mean it that way and I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway!
I guess what I should have said is that personally being in debt scares me... my parents bankrupt themselves and lost our house when i was 12, so I didn't have a good experience of debt and have always tried to steer clear out of fear!
Not that it is to say that your choices are bad ones or not!
Each to their own! ☺️

But the post isn’t about that. Read the OP. It’s quite a heartfelt, well articulated post about HER life and the struggles within it.
To just come on and start talking about yourself having less…. That’s not the point. Start a thread about your own life if you want to. Maybe you’ll get lots of posters from other countries with no benefit system calling your entitled and lucky with no cause to complain because you get 10k from the Government and don’t work.
There’s always someone worse off. Meet people where they are and where their struggles are.
It’s a bit like the “well my Mum is DEAD” posters who infect every post on Mumsnet where people discuss their parents. Just don’t. Not everything in life is about your misfortune.

@BlessedBeTheGroot are you a single income household with no dependents?

I’d have thought even most single people are entitled to more than 10K in benefits a year if they have no other income.

Could I ask how do you pay for your housing?

It makes enough for me to pay myself minimum wage.... so not loads in all honesty.
It's a small, fairly new business, bit I have hopes it will grow in time!

It's funny how everyones personal perception of money is different.... to me £70k seems a lot, but maybe it really isn't considering everyone's comments saying its quite modest 😞

I agree £450 for our family car is a lot and a lot more than I want to be paying. But I feel a bit trapped really....
I 100% need it for both the kids and work. .
For context i work in the wedding and events industry and require a large car to transport everything to weddings. As well as it being big enough to get 3 carseats and 2 adults in.
My previous car was just as big, but older and had multiple ££££ issues including having a new adblue system and a whole new engine when the cam belt broke and smashed the old one! 😞
After spending nearly 6k (all our savings on fixing it, as we would have lost more scrapping it than fixing it) I had to get a reliable car for both work and the family.. hence the size of the car and the cost! 😬
I'm terrified of having an old banger for work, because if it breaks down I'm stuffed!

We have considered getting rid of the smaller car and just having one so we only have 1 car to run, but my husband has to go to the office 2 times a week (90 minute motorway drive with no train option's) and when I'm working on site, particularly in peak wedding season, it leaves him to do the school runs. He needs the 2nd car to drive the kids, as it's a 30 min walk both ways to school and the 3 year old just isn't big enough to walk it... also factoring in he has to dash out in work time to do the school runs, so 2x 60 minute absences aren't possible.

Yes, just me. I live in a relatives house so no housing costs.

It's funny how everyones personal perception of money is different.... to me £70k seems a lot, but maybe it really isn't considering everyone's comments saying its quite modest

70K is good for a single person, and not too bad for a couple, but it’s definitely very modest for a family of five.

Probably the saddest thing I've read in a while in how your psychology in tied up with equating spending money to being happy.

Options:

• Could you do part time civil service and part time your own company?
• Could you go back to your old job and do your new one as a hobby at night one day a week or one of the weekend days?
• Does your DH's job have any increase potential?

Still lower than I’d have thought but I suppose others I know get more due to housing costs, children etc.

Well that’s unfortunate if you’re no longer able to work but clearly your situation is different from OP’s as she has a mortgage and kids .

My household income is less than hers too but I also live alone with no dependents so it just goes on me, not split between an adult and 3 kids. So it’s apples and oranges really.

There is a seismic lack of basic common sense in all aspects of life it's not even understanding basic financial and budgeting competence.
"If you can't afford it, you can't have it"

Im a bit out of touch I do get that so forgive me if Im out of turn

You say you dont need child care - which I understand to be the biggest expense after the mortgage for those with children, you only mention mortgage and car payments - so where is your money going out to ?

Do you actually know to the penny where its all being spent?

I dont mean that rudely, just we are a low income household here, so I know to the penny what's being spent, and we can afford to run two cars ( paid for ) and take a couple of cheap breaks a year ( no kids now I grant you ( grandkids galore ) but then we both only work PT in NMW jobs and I earn so little I pay no tax and only just started paying NI , so very little income and still loads of bills )

I find that for us it's fuel and food costs that stitch us up. We use oil for heating and we live rural so put in the miles, that we cant control - we are dependent on market price. Food bills, as for most of us - they have increased considerably over the past few years, and that's really the only place I can shave money

Re the hair cut - look up your local college that does hairdressing and beauty courses - they are always needing models - I would get a hair cut for £5 a couple of years back, by a 3rd year student under close supervision. You can also get nails done, massage , facials - you name it , go be a model ( you pay extra for colouring )

We do manage, because every penny is accounted for. If you haven't done so, get yourself a notebook and start a spend diary. Over a month, who ever spends it, no matter how much - write it down - amount and what for. Not only will you see where money is going, you will also become aware of money that's "missing" just frittered away without knowing and believe me, that's so easy done

And Im thrifty. Any food that's bought gets eaten. even the one burger bun left from a packet last night was wrapped and put in the freezer for another time - properly be a garlic bread next time we see it.

Yeah, we are all different.
Having been in a high income household previously, I know people spend according to their means.
No one on £70k is relying on foodbanks and charity shops. But it does grate when they say they can't afford to live.
They can. They just need to make different choices.

What's your food situation like??

Are you batch cooking/shopping around for deals/ meal planning?

You are trying to find reasons for us all to say go for it but it comes down to .......

"Job I love, no stress." but stress about money
"
Job I dont love, stress" but no stress about money,

Pick one.

Can you or DH get a second job? Can you obtain a promotion? Can you increase your earning somehow?

What about expenses? Can you cut anything? It's hard, the cost of living.

Sorry to say this, op, but your outgoings are simply too much. I don't believe that they should be such a stretch, please don't get me wrong, but our joint earnings are around 100k, we have 1 child and our mortgage payments are similar to yours. Kids are expensive - i totally share your frustration.

The tax thresholds just simply haven't kept pace, in my opinion, therefore you're being sucked into paying an exorbitant amount, which for previous generations wouldn't have been the case and you'd be living comfortably.

She is doing a hobby job that has only just (after 2 years) started paying her NMW and you think that the main earner should look at getting a second job?!

Didn't read all the updates/reply. Clearly I've missed something

A family of 5 on 70K in 2025 isn’t a huge amount unless maybe they have very cheap or no housing, car or transport costs
which is not the case for OP.

I don’t think Op was saying they’re using foodbanks or can’t afford to live. More just that it’s very tight with little left after the bills are paid.

There has been a sharp rise in cost of living and people have seen their rents and mortgages go up a lot while wages are not keeping up with inflation, so it’s not surprising some people are fed up.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching

In terms of the population as a whole, I think it works out as follows

20%. Have no money
40% Just about managing ( … which sounds like you)
40% Doing very well

So no, you are not the only one experiencing this. In fact you are part of the majority.

Perceptions get skewed as the ones doing very well are the ones you see or hear about.

I also wanted to say well done for starting to rebuild your career after burn out.

Do a full budget. There is loads of help on this online. It doesn’t magically create money, but it forces you to look at expenses honestly, so you can see where you might cut back. Or, frankly, if you really don’t have enough income. But the main thing it does it put you in control, so that you don’t have the monthly freak out about what you’ve got.

Is there any chance your husband could look for a promotion/new job?