Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Point is, £4.8k/m or £57/58k/pa is nowhere nearly "nearly double the average disposable income" that you said it was.

I think it sucks and u are certainly not alone with many people having it even harder. Without getting too political we have been failed by globalisation and Conservative/ Labour failures. At some point if it continues I think there will be a reset. It's not just the UK it's the west in general. I was in Amsterdam this week and tge taxi driver was saying it's exactly the same there. Some years ago I decided to go out of my comfort zone and start contracting. It quadrupled my salary so I'm on good money but certainly dont live extravagantly and still watch every penny...

@Em1ly2023 Wouldn’t we all love to fanny around fulfilling our dreams?

Well no, the majority of people would like to have a job that pays more, rather than just fannying around. However, it is extremely difficult to find jobs that pay more.

You not understanding this would suggest that you have lost touch with real life.

How much did you earn net after the cost of the childcare in the three days that you were away? Was it worth the cost of the childcare?
The battery, was that for the older car or the one that costs 450 a month?
Looking at the figures that you are quoting you need another job. If you want to build up your business you need to do it alongside a PAYE job even if it's a part time one.
A dream job is no use if it doesn't pay the bills

I’ve only managed to read the first few pages of comments but it’s pretty clear to me that you’re in this predicament because of choices you have made. And I say this as a family earning a joint salary of £190k and living paycheck to paycheck because we’re putting our kids through private school. That was our choice and I have no grounds to complain

You can’t afford to have a job you love that doesn’t pay. It’s that simple. Most people hate their job but they do it to pay the bills. You can take this business back up when your kids are older and you’re in a better financial position. Right now, you need to earn money. Honour any contracts you have within the next 3 months. Contact all remaining contracts, apologise and tell them that you’re going out of business.

Your car is an outrageous expense. Get a cheaper car. Your food shop is very expensive. We have a family of four and cook from scratch. Our shop is £125 per week.

You have hard choices ahead of you. Be realistic and honest with yourself. This period of your life is relatively short… grit your teeth and get through it.

The OP apparently was able to do a job in the NHS that she states paid well but damaged her mental health. That suggests she has qualifications / experience.

She is currently working for less than NMW (since she listed business expenses as being paid after she took her income) and it’s not clear if she means £25,000 a year or the NMW hourly rate for each hour worked (far less).

Therefore, stating the OP could get a better paying job is in no way ‘losing touch with real life’ - it is rather stating the blindingly obvious!

For the avoidance of all doubt, I’m not suggesting she necessarily needs to go back to full time work, far less the NHS job - it’s probably not worth it with childcare needing paying for - just that she needs to find a regular PAYE part time job at actual minimum wage to top up the variable income she gets from her business (however much that actually is after expenses).

No the point is the OP initially said £70k and the post I replied to £70k which is indeed virtually twice. It's also been quoted on numerous other threads. I'm not the one conflating different figures to split hairs.

I'm sure the majority would love to be in the position of having a couple of thousand extra a month as the OP does. It's not a modest income given its far higher than most which is the point I replied to.

I have better things to do than to argue when people don't acknowledge privilege. Enjoy your Sunday.

I think the average lifestyle has just become really extravagant. I'm mid to late 30s. And most people had not been on a plane in my primary school in the 90s, it was also not common to be going out to restaurants and cafes. All the families we knew seemed to take picnics places. Ice cream out on a warm day was very normal though. There also wasn't Mobile phones to pay for. I knew one child who had sky tv, which was unusual. Obviously streaming wasn't a thing, only very specialist computer people would've had the Internet.

We're going backwards in the uk terms of what the average family can afford but we're starting from a very high base. I think we all need to remember that.

I’m at a loss, you are bringing in good money, more than I am, yet seem to be broke. Your mortgage is less than mine but we live very comfortably. I just don’t understand.

Amazed how many posts are annoyed about saying they need to earn more or cut back for now. What other options are there?

3 kids close together is expensive. You can't change that now so you need to be able to afford it. That means cutting back or maximising income.
A big car is expensive. You can't change that mid contract but you can prepare for the end of the contract so the cost goes down or goes through your business instead.
Leaving a well paid job to start a business from scratch leaves a dent in the family income. You've done it at a point where you can't really afford it rather than building it up gradually alongside shift work. Perhaps you can change that by taking on a few agency shifts to bring up your income during the changeover period.

No, I was replying to someone who made an inane comment about my response.
It’s commendable that OP was brave enough to get this off the ground. It takes enormous planning and effort. But the numbers aren’t stacking up atm, so she needs to either postpone it or work alongside it…

Hi, not being preachy, but could you try buying your kids clothing on Vinted, it's a godsend for me. Are you home cooking, packed school lunches, yours and hubby lunch home made would also help. Are you shopping as frugal as poss. I assume you are as you seem intelligent. These are just ideas n stuff I do. Hope it helps. Xx

Well, it’s over 50% more than median average, so OP is living a 50% over average life, financially.

It's summer Bootsales are everywhere to buy clothes. I got 8 next sleepsuits for DGC this morning. Cost £2 for the lot. And you can examine the clothes in person before buying

Well done, it all helps. Good luck.

Approx 5 grand a month with a mortgage of a grand what's the other 4 going on ?

It depends on how that 70k is made up between you, how much are you actually bringing home? We earn 80 between us and that’s over 5k take home pay a month so yours must be over 4ish?

Mortgage and car at 1.5 and that leaves loads left over so you really need to look at where it is going?

The point is we each need to write as mums to our MPs asking for tax breaks on food and fuel, and anything child related. Definitely mums need to get organised and ask why free high quality nurseries are not attached to workplaces and Free of charge. Look at the cost of quality food. It's disappointing and now 70k 100k 50k it doesn't matter really as think of the 40 percent tax on high earners. Tax is great but for heavens saje put more tax breaks in the way of mothers. Seriously saving, is good but what if there is zero to save???

One last thing.…
if you’re married have you allocated your tax allowance to your husband and backdated this? This can be worth around £250 annually and can be backdated

Hi OP,

Unsure if you read a reply talking about ir35, because this is a big help. I was a contractor and formed a Ltd company and then you can reduce your tax from 40% down to 20% via dividend payment, you can also get tax relief on a variety of things, your car, heating, electric etc. You want to be outside IR35.

This may not be relevant but look at all ideas.

The car payment would be worth looking at....call them and explain your circumstances. But removing debt via an IVA is a good move and you can include all debts.

The problem with the uk is this mentality - either you’re delusion or you’re old and think 70k is enough for five humans.

I love your honesty. Honestly same here.
We have holidays and pay them off in installments through the year.
I have beauty appointments to keep my nails strong and my hair well kept.
The kids are bought new things when needed.
I have animals, with insurance and a healthcare plan for myself and kids.

And quite a bit of debt, excluding a small mortgage.

I double payment for credit cards and do an extra weekly payment of £5 also so I'm in control of it.
Sometimes I go all in to my £1000 overdraft.
I accept this as a fact of life because life is expensive. I save towards big expenses such as car service, home maintenance but it's painful trying to do it all and one thing will always suffer.

I really hope that helps OP if you read this. Noone is doing aswell as they were 10 years ago on salary only.

I’ve never lectured anyone on the price of their blah blah and have supported many friends in business. But i have been lectured many times, especially when asking the price for something that is unmarked ,for example at a busy market where hundreds of customers would have had to ask the same price and the smallholder would respond defensively, I have also experienced the same in bijou independent shops and some of them even have it written and displayed around their shops.
online independent sellers are as bad.
I buy a lot from small businesses and I’m far from miserable when enjoying a unique shopping experience but there’s many who give the others a bad name by constantly complaining about fair competition, not being able to afford basic living etc etc

Renegotiating is hardly a pass now…calm down your horses.

OP has posted that they're netting £4.8k per month.

Seems like many people can't be arsed to read even the OP's own posts.