Page 27 | Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

Finteq · 03/05/2025 20:14

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 02:27

Not taken rudely at all!!! I'll try to be as transparent as I can.... hopefully I won't get grilled by MN! 🫠

Our monthly income after tax is a few pennies shy of £4800 (husband and my wage and child benefit)

All out direct debits/bills including the mortgage, insurance for cars, kids swimming lessons, insurance for house, life, income cover (Husband's job), tv subscriptions, Internet, water, gas, electricity, pet insurance etc (everything we have to have to run the house and work from home) ,comes in at £2600 ish.

Our food bill is ranging anywhere from £700-£770 a month. My husband is actually the main cook.in our house and be does an amazing job at meal planning and makes several meals a week, that double up as leftovers for dinners. We cook from scratch for 90% of our meals (make our own sauces etc) and have actually closely looked at our shopping last week to make sure we're not spending unnecessarily on food!

Our fuel is £250 a month due to husband commuting 2 times a week to the office and me driving large distances for work at times!

We currently have to pay £350 a month to hmrc, due to a tax cock up made by one of my Husband's previous employers from 3 years ago who didn't tax him right at the time! 🫠

This month and last we've had to pay £250 for car repairs.

Today I've had to replace my car battery £180.

All 3 boys had to have new school shoes and trainers last week as they have all out grown them and/ or ripped the part sole off the bottom 😬
£46 on 2 pairs of school shoes from Sainsbury's
£36 on 3 pairs of trainers.

My dad's 70th birthday was at the weekend and they booked a meal... not somewhere we'd usually consider going due to cost, but for 3 kids meals, 5 soft drinks and 2 starters (me & dh had this to save on cost) it was £70.

£50 towards a joint present for my dad's birthday.

We've also had to pay for some adhoc childcare (not something we usually do, but I was working away for 3 days, dh had no holidays left to use and my sister was away so couldn't help out!) £225

Over the holidays we took the boys out for one day out at a national trust type thing... £40 entrance
£16 ice cream

We try to put money aside into savings, but it doesn't always happen and whe. Something unexpected pops up... they're the first place we go! 😬

That interesting about the hair cut and not something I ever considered! Thank you!

I realise it might not be thrifty... but we're finding its a constant case if playing catch up, with unexpected expenses, kids growing and needing things... it just seems to never end!

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For me- this post stood out.

You've had £913 unforseen expenditure last month which you managed comfortably this is on top of the £350 extra you are paying HMRC in tax.

I really think ypu are doing well financially, and are just not as comfortable as you'd want to be.

I'm a very frugal person and follow the FIRE movement.

I follow different websites and forum for money advice regularly.

With regards to if you did want any advice.

It's very simple and I'm not being patronising. But its either spend less or earn more. - So looking at your outgoings to see if there is anything you can cut.

Or look at your incomings and see if you can increase in any way- obviously I read the posts about your business as well- maybe if it continues to improve your income would get better.

And once your tax issue with HMRC finishes money shouldn't be as tight.

MonsteraDelicious · 03/05/2025 20:14

My advice is to go through your bank statement with a fine tooth comb and make yourself an excel spreadsheet that adds up everything you actually spend each month.

I suspect there will be lots of little things that add up. Could be frequently popping to the shop for a few quid here and there, subscriptions and services you've forgotten about, etc etc. I did this and was surprised how much I'd spent in small bits here and there. I'd reduce subscriptions to minimum, look at lower cost utilities etc, set a good budget.

DenimPlayer · 03/05/2025 20:14

Martin lewis is good one to look at. We found his ideas helpful 10 years plus years ago. Little changes make big differences. Check bank statements its amazing the things we found we were paying. Could you have a major sale of your items in your business to clear some space or is it not that type of business. Do you have friends you can babysit for

Lauralou19 · 03/05/2025 20:18

cumbriaisbest · 03/05/2025 20:04

I'm sorry I can't help the OP. My little observation is eating out i nthis country is a bad joke and I may never do it again. I can't afford it, and I can't be bothered.

We were lucky enough to have a holiday in Spain last year. Beautiful ol dcastle to visit, no car park charges, no entrance charges, lovely meal and drinks for a small amount.

It really is - we went to an Italian chain restaurant before the cinema recently, £120 for a family of 4 for a simple lunch (luckily had some vouchers). It was ridiculous for chain restaurant food that used to be a cheap, easy bite to eat.

SillyNavySnail · 03/05/2025 20:20

£700 on food shopping a month is high. Cut it to £500, or even £600

Thepossibility · 03/05/2025 20:22

WinterMorn · 01/05/2025 00:27

For me the answer is debt, plain and simple. I accept it as a fact of my life. I have been in debt since the age of 18 and now, pushing 50, I am still in debt. I take full responsibility for my debt, but without it, my life would be miserable. I want to take holidays, and buy books, and have expensive pets, so I have made my choices and I have to live with them.

Yes I agree with this. Two of my siblings lead a much more exciting lifestyle than me with less money to do so and they do this by going for any loan they can possibly get. My sister's poor partner had to get a second night job because she wanted a SECOND shiny new car (on finance).They get it from our DM, they even managed to get their hands on their measly retirement funds (superannuation here in Australia) to go on a holiday to Bali! Debt doesn't stress them out at all.

Angliski · 03/05/2025 20:24

These guys do super cheap prescription glasses online.

https://www.firmoo.co.uk/

JazzyBBBG · 03/05/2025 20:26

Can't you run your car through your business? Would be more tax efficient surely?

MonsteraDelicious · 03/05/2025 20:26

700 a month on food!!!!!!! There's your answer. I earn what you earn but do a £100 weekly online shop

Edited to add I also cook from scratch mostly

cumbriaisbest · 03/05/2025 20:35

I took my eye off the ball the other day.....£12.00 for a Prosecco ( celebrating), £12.00 for bottle of Prosecco. £14.00 for very average breakfast £14.00 for some fruit. Over 50 quid for absolutely nothing. A drop in the ocean for many.

BessieBearsHumanMum · 03/05/2025 20:37

You could get 2 (or all) of the kids to share a room and let a spare room on Airbnb?

Pherian · 03/05/2025 20:41

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 00:23

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Life is hard right now. I totally feel your experience. My family is in a similar state. It’s just how things are right now. We’re doing things to make sure the kids don’t feel the pinch. You’re doing the same.

We are not having a holiday this year - the kids are old enough for school trips so they are getting a holiday and we are are getting a bottle of wine to drink in the garden when the suns lovely. I’m not joking.

Don't beat yourself up. Don’t compare your life to others. You are doing the best you can and you’re doing a damn fine job. It will get better - I hope.

Nopenousername · 03/05/2025 20:42

I could have written this post word for word. The only difference is that my mortgage is just over £2k pcm but the household income is £120k.

Tartanboots · 03/05/2025 20:43

You're mixing up your business expenses with your family expenses? Eg business petrol, business vehicle etc coming from the same pot as household bills? Can you get more profit out of your business by running it more professionally (in financial terms), is it as tax efficient as it could be etc.

Theperfectstorm1 · 03/05/2025 20:47

I have no idea 😞
My rent is £2650 pcm (family home in Surrey)
I had to leave family home at 16 and have never been able to save for a deposit.
We scrape through the month and always in my overdraft

junebirthdaygirl · 03/05/2025 20:56

Haven't read everything but since you are a SAHP could you mind another families kids before and after school to make some extra cash. I am in lreland where that is allowed so maybe not where you are. I would definitely get a part time job during school hours since your business is not full time yet.
And make sure you are writing all expenses off against tax
And l have a brand new car for 250 euro a month.

Suzyq660 · 03/05/2025 21:31

I always run into the "holier-than-thou" complex wherever I go.

LadyGillingham · 03/05/2025 21:37

Nursingadvice · 02/05/2025 07:26

I am a single parent with a total take home pay for around 40k. My council rent is £850pm. I don’t have car finance like you, but have all of the usual bills, some credit cards etc. I actually feel quite well off. I’m able to save a decent amount, I’m going on 2 holidays this year, I don’t watch the pennies on regards to eating out if I fancy it.
I don’t spend much on myself though, in terms of clothes, self care etc. Days out are less common now dc is older, and I only have one dc at home now.

HOW ON EARTH !? Your take home is not even £3k ?

FedupofArsenalgame · 03/05/2025 21:45

LadyGillingham · 03/05/2025 21:37

HOW ON EARTH !? Your take home is not even £3k ?

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Why is that so impossible? I've got income of 16k but no mortgage and I can take a long haul trip or 2 each year.

My bills add up to about £240 a month for council tax, gas electric Internet phone ( sim only)and water.

Car costs ( petrol tax etc) is about £120 ( use for work) No finance on TV

No tv so no licence or streaming services

Sure someone will think of a necessary

So manage to save and get good deals on flights. Tend to go Asia which is much cheaper to holiday in rather than Europe

JoannaB1985 · 03/05/2025 21:46

BlessedBeTheGroot · 01/05/2025 01:06

I am on less than £10k a year. So to see someone one 7 times that say they can't afford to live... I don't have much sympathy. Come live in my shoes.

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Do you have kids also?

colorific · 03/05/2025 21:51

MonsteraDelicious · 03/05/2025 20:26

700 a month on food!!!!!!! There's your answer. I earn what you earn but do a £100 weekly online shop

Edited to add I also cook from scratch mostly

Edited

Is That for a family of 5?

Motherland2624 · 03/05/2025 22:06

Would you consider a evening or night job a couple of days a week when your husband is home stacking shelves or on the checkout alot of people where I work tescos do this

CandidHedgehog · 03/05/2025 22:09

Rosedreaming · 03/05/2025 19:58

Wow, haven't read the full thread but have read an insane number of people telling OP to 'quit the hobby job that will never be successful' and go back to a job she made clear was destroying her.

Going back to a job that was causing problems for your physical or mental health is not the one, and I don't consider quitting that a 'bad choice' made by OP either.

OP makes minimum wage from her business currently but pays no childcare - childcare for three kids is a huge expense and she'd likely need to be able to get a salaried job that pays 35k+ just to cover the extra they'd be paying in care. Potentially more depending on her area. So to have extra money she's looking at needing to earn 40kish? Those jobs don't grow on trees, especially for a career changer.

Calling her business a hobby job is frankly insulting. Making enough from a business to be able to pay yourself minimum wage after 2 years is good going, in fact.

OP, my cousin works in wedding services and has found it very lucrative - after 6 years she is able to pay herself close to what your whole household income is. She has never worked full time. BUT she is very dedicated to growing the business and puts in the effort with social media, marketing etc.

Stick with the business but see it as a valuable investment and behave that way - promote it properly, get the storage space you need - invest into it and into yourself and you'll make a go of it.

Meanwhile once you get out of the car and HMRC payments you'll have £750 a month extra anyway. Those are the areas to work on. Having a Costa twice a month isn't daddy warbucks behaviour. You'll be fine.

It isn’t clear if ‘can pay myself NMW’ means £25,000 a year, in which case I tend to agree or if it means NMW per hour for 10/15 hours a week, in which case she’s earning roughly £700 a month.

Reading what she then says about the big car and much of the fuel being for work, either way the NMW is before (high) work expenses which knock around £600 off that income.

There’s a happy medium between earning £100 a month after expenses and doing a full time job in the NHS with accompanying burnout and vast child care expenses (and I fully admit you are right on both of those points).

The OP needs to sit down, work out how much she is making after expenses and consider whether she needs to get an extra job / a completely different job that can still be done part time around child care but which pays better.

If she is a nurse, one or two nights a week would help. If not, an evening job two or three nights a week - very few weddings are weekday evenings.

ZippyBrick · 03/05/2025 22:14

BlessedBeTheGroot · 01/05/2025 01:25

Yes, just me. I live in a relatives house so no housing costs.

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So a sponge living off their relatives with no kids. Do they pay for your food too?

I could live off <£10k per year if I was parasitic too I guess.

Ramallamading · 03/05/2025 22:16

Go through ALL your outgoings and check where you can make savings. Move debt to 0% credit cards. Don't buy branded food. Use comparison sites for everything and get cheaper phone contracts, insurance etc when they're due. I heard once that If you have a car on finance it means you can't afford it. Sell the small one and get a bigger one and cancel the finance car or finance a smaller one. Yes it'll continue to be a problem as long as you live beyond your means. You need to flip your thinking from 'it costs us X to live' to 'we have THIS much a month we mustn't go over it.