Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Most people are finding it tougher now as costs have risen so much.

How long until the car is paid off? Can you put extra payments on it? Yes it may be hard in the short term but if you save a lot of interest you can get the car paid off faster.

In your shoes I think it would be worth cancelling all subscriptions now and plan to do other things over summer. You can add them again over winter. Instead of Costa, go to the park with a picnic in the warmer weather. Look for free events you can go to. You've changed up your work life so also change up your home life as well. Shop second hand, sell stuff second hand.

Perhaps you could try Home Exchange for holidays. You exchange homes, and thus there isn’t a cost for accommodation. That should save a lot of money and maybe make going on holiday more feasible 🙏

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark

Have a look for clothes in charity shops. I work in a National charity shop You will find excellent quality clothing, some unworn with original tags and if not that, really good quality barely worn stuff.

I've volunteered for the past 15 years in a charity shop. There are bargains to be had every day. As a volunteer I do not get to pick and choose. The clothing/random stuff has to be on the shop floor 72 hours before volunteers have a chance at it. But often if I have my eye on something I just wait it out.

50% of the time I get lucky and snaffle the item I want.

As a customer you can buy what you want whenever you want. As soon as it hits the hangers. Charity shops nowadays are not the jumble sales we oldies are all used to. There's some really good quality clothing in there for adults and children.

I think you'll need a higher pay job once your 3yo is in school, or expand your business. Can you rent somewhere to store your stuff? You’ll be able to write it off in business expense. If you’re using your home as the base of your business, and your car, are you writing a portion of them off through tax?

regarding the swimming, how much is it per kid? It’s about £50 around here, does the 3yo need to learn to swim now?

At £70k you won’t get much sympathy here,

You sound like us a few years ago, and very possibly again soon.

i think your right in your decision to do what you enjoy rather than be ground down for basically nothing. Thats no offence to others, but I think when you escape from the world of unhappy unemployment, it’s hard to go back.

Some things we did at the height of strapped cash and going to be going back to due to employment issues and other advice:

• Nothing wrong with Penny pinching, charity shop buying and on selling clothes, furniture etc.. when ever I was offered anything I took it, pride dosnt exist when I have children to take care of.

• for approx five years our holidays were trips to theme parks booked on Kellogg’s and Cadbury vouchers. We’d book random term time weekends in premier inns and use the vouchers for discounted entry. I remember one weekend getting a night in a hotel for 4 for £29 and a full day free at Legoland with our vouchers. 2 days and a night away for us for hardly anything. We took a packed lunch the first day, day 2 we filled a flask with hot water put hotdogs in it, second flask with hot milk for hot chocolates and coffees. No need to buy things for 2 days. Kids loved it. They still ask on theme parks booked days for stuff from home rather than buy things.

• We went years with no takeaways, McDonalds etc, we didn’t even miss them. You can buy packs of takeaway cups and make your own tea and coffee on the go.

• nothing wrong with picnics, walks, free events, especially when your DCs are so young.

• get creative with meals. I grew up very poor, especially in comparison to my DH so I already had the don’t waste gene in me. But there are so many meals that cost very little, look at the budgeting pages for advice. Things I do, use leftovers in quiches, toppings for pizzas, pies etc..

• when shopping look at prices per unit, it’s not always better to buy the special offer. I was shocked when I learnt this trick.

• Shop around for electricity and gas deals, same with all household bills. We took out a deal through utility warehouse we’d never have considered if a friend hadn’t recommended it. Part of our deal we got to add “extras”, we randomly selected the boiler cover, it’s been the best thing we ever did, we’ve used it at least 8 times in 2 years and it’s saved us thousands.

• buy second hand uniform or see if school offer free second hand. I’ve refuse to buy any new uniform this year, I’ve used the school donations.

• dont be afraid to accept free stuff. E.g my dd was asked to play a sport at school, equipment was expensive so I asked on our community pages and got everything we needed. Passed it on when finished.

• See if you eligible for compensation on car finance you may have taken out in the past.

• Sell stuff as much as you can, car boots, vinted, eBay. My DDs just got a lovely jacket for summer, if anything I’ve made money, I bought a £3 jacket in a charity shop, she loved it but her hair got tangled in the sequins so I sold it for £10 on vinted ( had no idea but was a popular brand) I then bought her dance shoes and another jacket for £8 in total. It might not seen much but given dance shoes are almost £60 new and she loves her new jacket, I feel like I’ve won here.

• We’ve done car boots too. We might not make much but we get rid of stuff and tge DCs see it as an adventure, especially when they get to keep money from selling old toys.

• look at extra income, I know MN hates MLMs but some people do well in them. I have a friend who did amazing in Bodyshop, gave up work full time, since the home sales side shut down she’s now at tropics. Not making as much money and taken on part time work since starting, but she’s doing ok in it.

• if your good at knowing brands, source landed at car boots, charity shops and on sell.

Right now your DCs are little, they won’t remember stuff they never had. You have time to get in a position you’re financially better in and there is a good chance your DCs will enjoy the journey.

Go over to Money Saving Expert and ask for help. After filling in the expenses sheet, people will be able to give you advice and show you exactly where you can cut costs, often without even feeling it. I asked for help there about 4 years ago after being in debt for decades and convinced there was nothing else I could cut out of my budget. The advice was invaluable. Things are so much better for me now and I feel in complete control of my finances.

Not taken rudely at all!!! I'll try to be as transparent as I can.... hopefully I won't get grilled by MN! 🫠

Our monthly income after tax is a few pennies shy of £4800 (husband and my wage and child benefit)

All out direct debits/bills including the mortgage, insurance for cars, kids swimming lessons, insurance for house, life, income cover (Husband's job), tv subscriptions, Internet, water, gas, electricity, pet insurance etc (everything we have to have to run the house and work from home) ,comes in at £2600 ish.

Our food bill is ranging anywhere from £700-£770 a month. My husband is actually the main cook.in our house and be does an amazing job at meal planning and makes several meals a week, that double up as leftovers for dinners. We cook from scratch for 90% of our meals (make our own sauces etc) and have actually closely looked at our shopping last week to make sure we're not spending unnecessarily on food!

Our fuel is £250 a month due to husband commuting 2 times a week to the office and me driving large distances for work at times!

We currently have to pay £350 a month to hmrc, due to a tax cock up made by one of my Husband's previous employers from 3 years ago who didn't tax him right at the time! 🫠

This month and last we've had to pay £250 for car repairs.

Today I've had to replace my car battery £180.

All 3 boys had to have new school shoes and trainers last week as they have all out grown them and/ or ripped the part sole off the bottom 😬
£46 on 2 pairs of school shoes from Sainsbury's
£36 on 3 pairs of trainers.

My dad's 70th birthday was at the weekend and they booked a meal... not somewhere we'd usually consider going due to cost, but for 3 kids meals, 5 soft drinks and 2 starters (me & dh had this to save on cost) it was £70.

£50 towards a joint present for my dad's birthday.

We've also had to pay for some adhoc childcare (not something we usually do, but I was working away for 3 days, dh had no holidays left to use and my sister was away so couldn't help out!) £225

Over the holidays we took the boys out for one day out at a national trust type thing... £40 entrance
£16 ice cream

We try to put money aside into savings, but it doesn't always happen and whe. Something unexpected pops up... they're the first place we go! 😬

That interesting about the hair cut and not something I ever considered! Thank you!

I realise it might not be thrifty... but we're finding its a constant case if playing catch up, with unexpected expenses, kids growing and needing things... it just seems to never end!

"My previous car was just as big, but older and had multiple ££££ issues including having a new adblue system and a whole new engine when the cam belt broke and smashed the old one! 😞
After spending nearly 6k (all our savings on fixing it, as we would have lost more scrapping it than fixing it)"

I appreciate that you need a big car for family and business but to spend £6000 of tighter savings to fix it seems insane, unless it's worth a about 15 to 20k? So did you spend the £6000 and then sell it on / part exchange?

I'm not judging but jeez you must have had some payback for the 6k?

For those two years, I was working as my Husband's secretary, do his accounting, invoicing and correspondence, for his business at the time being paid, whilst also doing my full time hobby! ☺️
Unfortunately, he had to close his business and move over to PAYE job due to contacting jobs drying up for him!

Up until last feb, I would say we were comfortable in all honesty. .. then the mortgage doubled with the interest rates, every bill, insurance, utility, food etc has increased since and our wages just haven't.
We went from saving £500 a month comfortably and enjoying a couple of days out a month, to now worrying that we'll run out of money at the end if the month!

So why are you not doing the same when the money coming in isnt enough?😉

Anything I can put througb my tax, I absolutely have. All my fuel, expenses etc. I'm fortunate my friend is an accountant and she checks over everything for me!
Renting isn't really an option currently, I'd have to dip into my wage pot to afford anything, so currently not really a viable option unfortunately!
We pay £30 a month per child at our local sports centre. We considered waiting but we had an incident a few months ago when we took him to the family swim... let's just say he "thinks" he can swim and ran and jumped in the deep end without armbands before I could grab hold of him.
We tried to teacj him ourselves since, but he just doesn't follow our instructions but will with a teacher!

Thank you for all these tips, I'll definitely have a look at these, as I can see some of these being really helpful! 🥰

40% Just about managing ( … which sounds like you)

My husband and I come into this category.

Just about managing. It came about because our first child has significant disabilities. Learning disabilities. . Hyperactive. No speech. Double incontinence.
No chance of me ever going back to work. Just no chance, even though I was a high earner. No nursery would take her.. Her needs were too complex.

So we are Boomers. But poor Boomers. I don't have a work pension. I stopped work when I had her at 28.

We have no money for holidays either. And now we are both turned 70 I doubt any more money will fall into our laps. We are now committed to paying £500 a month to support care for my 97 year old mil.

After all these years of saving money it's a kick in the chops. The few thousand we have is now spoken for.

Her house is rented. So nothing to see here chaps.

Maybe those people who regularly label 'boomers' as the richest among us
will have some second thoughts. There is no way we can increase our income.
We have a small amount of capital which will be gone in 6 months, at this rate.

So there you go chaps. Not all Boomers are rich beyond your wildest dreams.

You had three kids on a modest income; what did you expect??

You have streaming services, go out for treats, lessons for children, operate two cars, on and on.

There is a lot you could cut back on.

Because the industry I'm now in takes bookings up to 2 years in advance... its not something I can drop and move on from and get a new job. I have contracts with clients for thw services they have paid for.
If this wasn't the case I would be looking for other work, but I can't.
They're aren't many employers around that would let me take the summer off to do my business and then come back when I'm quiet unfortunately! 😞

Sounds like made up stuff to me.

PCP contracts can be stopped once you have paid 50% of the total amount payable. It's called voluntary termination. It's just worth knowing about if you wanted to change to something cheaper or find a hire purchase deal or something. £450 is an eye watering amount on a car.

Can any of your insurances be paid annually when they are due? You'd have to save obviously but if you started with the cheapest one and paid it annually then the next etc you could save a fair bit as paying monthly always cost in interest.

I know this sounds harsh but you will let your family down rather than a client. It’s very self indulgent to have a wedding planning business at this time in your life when what you need is a steady monthly income. . It sounds like you have bought things for your business too. Shut the business. Sell what you have purchased. Go get a decent job paying more than the minimum wage you pay yourself and you can contribute more. Three dcs are expensive and you have too many for your household income.

Could you do some NHS bank work? I know someone else with a seasonal job who picks up bank shifts over slow months. I know your job was soul destroying full time but maybe it’s manageable that way?

This x100

We can’t always have the career we’d prefer.

70k is not a lot for two adults and three kids.

To put it in perspective, there was an article in a newspaper here on a govt statistics webpage (EU not UK) and although our income is in top 3% of the country because of the fact we are a 4 adult and 2 kid household, our earnings are the equivalent of a take home pay of 2850 euros per month. Not the over 10k which it is in reality. We were wondering why we’re spending it all! Life is more and more expensive month on month. This too shall pass op. Kids get older and one day leave, cars get paid off. Your business may suddenly boom. You can’t tell but just know this will get easier.
I empathise. It’s hard.

I dont think 70k with 3 kids is a comfortable income. Our household income is 90k with one child and we're alright but no shopping trips, designer gear or fancy holidays. Its a pleasant but no frills life. 2 more kids would put us over into needing to be properly frugal territory - replacing three sets of school shoes every 5 minutes etc etc is no joke.

The quote function on MN is driving me round the bend! Reams and reams of repeated very long posts makes a thread unreadable.

Yes!