Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

What is the profit from your business? I work a lot with business owners and they don’t track profit a lot of the time. I have often discovered that they are actually loss making. Can you afford to not have a full time job and what are the realistic prospects of your business.

Of course you should save for your children’s future! How are you going to help them buy a house and avoid the rental drain. Or help them with their education. A tenner from their great aunt every birthday is hardly going to cut it!

That is a lot on food! We spend £125 per week and there are 5 of us. You’re way over spending there

Why would you live on less than £10k a year?

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head OP, with your comment that you need to bring in more revenue, not just cut back spending.
I have a business and I run an organisation for female entrepreneurs. I think government agencies, and the start-up community are sometimes so keen to encourage women to start businesses, they encourage women to start up businesses which are never going to be viable or scalable longer term. I suspect this may be true of yours. A business is not a baby, it’s a product. You nurse a baby and you sell a product. You need a degree of detachment and some hard data to assess things.
Take a long hard look at your business and be ruthless about future projections. Are you definitely earning minimum wage? Are there some months when you don’t count all your mileage/ car expenses? Do you cut your salary back during lean months? How much did you really make on the three days away when you factor in the ad hoc childcare? More pertinently how much do you earn per hour? And how long did you work for nothing when the business did not make money? Be totally honest.
Events and wedding businesses can be lucrative but yours does not sound scalable and not just because of lack of space. How does your husband really feel about a business that takes up so much of your time and space in the house but contributes so little?

Have you got a viable plan for scaling the business? Are you intending to employ staff in the future? Is there a better business you could run? Can you pivot? Stay really open minded. You say no employer would give you the summer off but there is lots of seasonal work at Christmas which could augment the family income. What do you do when the wedding season winds down? Where do you see yourself in five years time?
There are plenty of fulfilling careers which don’t involve burning yourself out on the NHS. There is no shame in calling it a day and doing something more logical. If you are one big bill away from disaster, you really can afford the luxury of the business. Don’t wait for the disaster to happen.

Thank you, we want to save for her as our parents didn’t and we are paying for it now.

Look at your food bill - £700-770 per month is a lot, even for a family of 5. Learn how to make cakes, how to batch cook freezer meals etc. www.momeysavingexpert forums are fantastic for advice.

No. She’s referring to small pleasures.

Is it? £700 a month is £35 a week each. So £5 a day per person. I don’t think that’s where I’d be looking to cut back at all.

You can't if you are struggling to buy things for yourselves right there, right now.

As an alternative to giving up your business, which I'm pretty sure you would have worked extremely hard to establish, why not look at growing it (and the profits) by getting a grant or investment? Look at the British Business Bank for lots of funding options. (No, I don't work there!) And a few people have mentioned Money Saving Expert but it really is good and has an exercise you can go through to help you slash your monthly bills.

Ah there it is

I agree, with food price inflation, that really isn’t bad for a whole month.

This.

Some businesses are more hobbies and don't or won't make much.money. If happy to work in business for minimum wage it's a choice. Perhaps supplement with a part time evening job when partner is home.

Your huge car payment is your main problem. A massive expense that the business doesn't cover but uses.

As others have said where does all the other money go? Sort an actual list of all expenditure. Some leakage somewhere. Good luck.

I am a single parent with a total take home pay for around 40k. My council rent is £850pm. I don’t have car finance like you, but have all of the usual bills, some credit cards etc. I actually feel quite well off. I’m able to save a decent amount, I’m going on 2 holidays this year, I don’t watch the pennies on regards to eating out if I fancy it.
I don’t spend much on myself though, in terms of clothes, self care etc. Days out are less common now dc is older, and I only have one dc at home now.

A 3 yr old doesn’t eat £5 of food a day. And the other kids are only 6 and 7.

Ways to cut back:

• SIM only mobile phones (about £5 a month) - check second hand old handset from CeX (they have a 5 year warranty)
• Always price check all your utilities, car insurance etc
• Buy on vinted, eBay etc before even looking in supermarkets... Get a Next winter coat for a fiver on vinted. Even winter coats in supermarkets for kids are circa £30 these days.
• £700+ is a lot of money on the food shop. Where can you make cut backs? Do you buy a lot of snacks for the kids? Or expensive meat? Etc. ... Take a look at where you can cut back on food, as this is a huge area to make savings. Swap to Aldi or Lidl, it really works out cheaper!
• Can you change your PCP? £450pcm is a lot for a car.
• Drop the Costas
• Do a 'no spend month' where you don't buy ANYTHING non-essential. Then, also document EVERYTHING you buy on a spreadsheet at the same time, and the category it falls in to. You will soon see where the extra pounds are going. That will be a good reality hit.

Best of luck op!

Maybe so if you aren’t feeding them milk, fruit or vegetables at all but £5 is not a huge amount.

Let's not perpetuate the myth that healthy food has to be expensive and reducing food costs means a poor quality UPF heavy diet.

Most vegetables, pulses, eggs, grains etc are some of the lowest cost and healthiest food available.

There's loads of ways to reduce the cost of fruit, meat, fish, spices etc without reducing quality or nutrition but MN can't see past salmon, avocados and fresh blueberries.

I agree with this. OP has the benefit of time to make a dent in the food budget by being more creative with meal planning and and home-made snacks. I definitely clawed back money this way when I wasn't working or when I was working part-time and could shop at different places for different things.

Her DH is the main cook apparently and makes things from scratch on top of his FT job. And presumably he also does the childcare when wedding season is in full swing and OP is working. So he is busy.

Not sure if it was mentioned who does the food shop and where they buy things though but there must be an opportunity to save some money by buying non branded, switching to less expensive meats and produce and possibly switching supermarket.

In a similar boat OP.

Household income just over £100k but last few years Everything has gone up. Mortgage +£200 a month, Childcare +£180, Light/Gas +£100.

I'm lucky that I have moved job recently for more pay but if I hadn't we would be really tightening our belts.

Can still afford a foreign holiday, we go abroad end of this month and I think I'm going to really enjoy it.

Our childcare costs should dramatically drop next year when DS goes to school and we get the funded hours for DD so there is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Then we'll focus on paying down debt and overpaying the mortgage.

Hang in there.

She's referring to expensive pets. Boa Constrictors are not cheap, but they do make you *tight

I feel sorry for people like you. I'm widowed with no DC at home, in a studio flat, work part-time in McDonald's because it's just not busy enough for them to give me more hours, my only expenses are rent and a tiny amount on electricity, and I can afford to buy myself little treats and eat out very occasionally. It does seem very unfair.

I've two suggestions. One for income, and one for expenditure.
FWIW I completely feel your pain. Been there, still am if I'm honest.

1. How much money does your business make? If it matches or exceeds your partners then that's good, but if it is part time, is in a growth stage ( 3 years or younger) and unlikely to grow through lack of space or time to commit to it's growth, you are going to have to look at a second income stream or return to work as an employee with some flexible hrs or some hybrid wfh hours.
2. Olio, Waste not Wednesday/ Community Larders/ Too Good To Go

Discover your local Waste reduction schemes working in your area- where you can go and volunteer or just collect food for free or a nominal payment. The food is often 'yellow stickered', but if you are getting into batch cooking this is a great place to pick up bulk fruit and veg and cheaper proteins. I have in effect reduced my food bill by 2/3 and filled my freezer- freeing up money for a haircut here, a new handbag from the charity shop there....
Maybe one or both of these ideas might help generate more disposable income?

Good Luck.