Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Lots of veg and fruit is really expensive now though. It’s a quid for a cucumber , nearly £1 for a head of broccoli or a pepper lucky to get a bag of apples for under £2. Oranges too are well over a £1. I eat a lot of veg and it has shit up and the super six is nowhere near as good value as it used to be. Cabbage and bananas still good value.

I'm in almost exactly the same situation. Similar aged children, same household income, same incredulity that £70k is basically broke. I've invested in some courses to make a career change and my husband is building a business. Honestly I'd recommend getting a salaried job. I was self employed for about 8 years and the stability of a salary is amazing now. Could you get a part time job to top things up if you don't want to give up your business?

We are in a living crisis with huge price rises but i have to be honest i dont really feel the pinch.
However i am single and childless no pets or debt.
I do feel for others.

I'm so sorry. Its hard. My mum brought 3 of us up single handedly. Father never gave anything towards us and mum never claimedanything. She worked up to 7 different jobs a day to make ends meet. Mum couldn't have a car because she couldn't afford it so was very fit as she had to walk and we ate very basically. This day and age, if you live rurally you have to have cars as busses are useless. Are you or your partner able to get an evening bar job to help?

Yes same I got paid Wednesday and I have 30 pounds left to last this month on top of other expenses with myself and 3 children financially depending on me. It is very very stressful as bills bills bills I haven't even topped up the phone this month or WiFi as its just not a chance food prices are extortionate the amount that we get is ridiculous for the price and that's supposed to last a month ive done a 200 food shop with about 5 bags full to say this is the months food with 3 very hungry mouths to constantly feed and myself. Hope you sort it out the thing is aswell we need clothes to feel a bit fresher and human and not just smelly old mom clothing x

Your post is obviously a popular one with @MNHQ - it's on the MN Facebook group feed now 🤔😳

OP does not sound boastful, so I do feel genuinely for her (?) and the famiily. To be struggling on £70,000 a year must be alarming. I am 61 and can no longer work for health reasons. My annual income is £14000, £5200 of that is my rent. Times do seem to be harder and harder. I cannot offer advice but surely there are ways for OP's family to make savings? I wish them well.

Netflix and Disney aren't typical. I'd get rid of one at least. Try and look for offers bundled with internet etc. Go to money saving expert and use those deals. Have a look at your utilities. Switch to electric blankets and reduce heating in the winter. I would get rid if possible of the more expensive car and get a card that has minimal outgo month to month. Check your utilities and see if you could get better deals. Get smart apps thanks to utilities so that you can see what you're spending that money on and figure out ways to reduce it. Small swaps may help- branded things to unbranded. Costco shopping list before you go, and add one luxury per adult, and the children get to choose one thing collectively.
I am saying all these as we have done all of them.

If small changes will help then cancel Netflix and Disney+. Just use iplayer, itvx and C4/5 online. There’s enough on all of those.

Theres something you are missing here, we are on a similar income £70k with a mortgage of 1060 and a car at 450. Our utilities are £1300 and we have about £2k left. Are you paying off debt/cards/loans. If so, and Im not a financial advisor look into adding it on to your mortgage, cut your cards up and live your life.

Its your car repayments. You can get what you need for around £160pcm

I’m more worried about your mortgage. If the payment doubled, is it interest only?

in any case £1k/ month mortgage on a salary of £70k is very doable. Plenty of people are paying much higher proportions. Suggests there is some other fat in your spending to be cut out. Start with your direct debits and go from there. I cut more than a hundred pounds a month by shipping around on mobile phones, TV, internet, etc.

Netflix and Disney aren't typical

they’re common for a typical middle class family yes. And saving 12 quid a month isn’t to going to help OP. Neither is “switch off the heating and use electric blankets”. What a way to live!

the point is you should be able to afford these type of things on £70k income.

That.

70K with 3 kids is not enough…you aren’t doing anything you shouldn’t do. You just don’t have enough.

i bet you already do but : watch the growth of your eldest so you don’t need 3 car seats anymore, buy second hand bundles of clothes for seasons 1 season ahead/sale 1 season ahead, book a holiday 6 months ahead…Tesco does allow you to pay holidays with points…

probably : sale your 15year old car and use the cash to pay your debt and get ahead with payment of bigger véhicule except if your eldest is close to growth spurt and then get rid of bigger vehicule and keep the one paid off…keep only 1 car. Whichever it is.

it isn’t great but I hope it helps.

We struggled on much lower earnings with 2 kids but it's all just relative as cost of living has increased hugely. We are now earning 80k and comfortable, have lots of holidays, nights out, weekends away etc BUT kids are grown now, we could not have done this then. I just think raising kids was hard and now we have the freedom and money to do what we like. I feel for all families with young children now.

If you worked in nhs could you do some agency work at weekends to bring in cash and build a buffer. To grow your business look at renting a storage unit.

cut back on the coffees. That’s £20/mth out of your £160 for everyone to live off. Cut back on the tv subscriptions. Do it for a year build up a buffer. Really should have 3 mths salary in savings.

My first thought was the big car situation could be adapted as that's a lot of money every month. Any possibility of buying a big one second hand one, even on finance, as leasing new models is so much more expensive. Xx

To be fair to OP her lower wage but better lifestyle for the family time isn't the biggest problem. The HMRC payback is the problem. Once that's gone they are in a better position.

We have 3 children, similar age to yours. We also have two cars. Mine is small and fits me and the kids. But we have a 7 seater for when we are all together. However, it is second hand on finance and £100 a month. Could you look at something like that instead of what you pay on PCP? We don't make anywhere near you but comparisons are pointless, everyone has different things going on. It's hard. Cost of living has scuppered so many people. We also don't have any family near by which makes it harder. I feel for you.

Car finance is a lot. What I have always done is take out a loan to buy a three year old car with low mileage over four years and have it until it’s 10 and then start again. You get about three years without any monthly payments. Costs me £300 a month, although cost will depend on the car. Is it possible you could cut costs doing the same?

Can you go back to HMRC and explain that you’re suffering hardship due to COL/both yourself and your husband changing jobs and your mortgage increasing and renegotiate the monthly payment to them?
Have you checked you’re on all the cheapest tariffs for gas electric and water? WiFi?
Do you shop around and have a multipolicy for your car and home insurances? If not, THIS! I’ve saved thousands over the years with multipolicies. Try admiral and LV.
Also, when family ask what you’d like for a gift ask for vouchers for a hair salon! Or even somewhere you can get clothes! Our family tend to do practical gifts instead of candles/chocolates etc, we usually buy eachother our preferred foundation/mascara etc.
If you do your shopping at Tesco look into their Tesco club card plus - you get 10% off two shops per month (I tend to keep these for when I do the toiletries/binbags/loo roll etc shop and stock up on the stuff I know we use plenty of but has a decent shelf life) it’s £7.99pm but you get a months trial free! It also offers I think 15-20% ontop of whatever discounts already on the F&F.
Look at your councils hardship grant criteria and see if you’re eligible to apply.
And lastly, even if you view it as short term as I appreciate you have young children and must be exhausted anyway but have you considered an evening/weekend job? Just to help ease the pressure until the HMRC debt bas been paid and maybe accumulate some savings? You wouldn’t need to pay for childcare as your husband would be home. Maybe even deliveroo/food delivery? The tips can be good? Or a bar job? Or even take on a couple of regular cleaning clients? Cleaners now charge around £20-22ph at the min so that could be £120-132 a week for 6 hours of your time!

I don't think people should get a pass on paying their taxes because of CoL. Why should they get Disney and Netflix and Costa and big vehicles and all that while shirking their duty as taxpayers???

At no point did I say they shouldn’t pay it?
Renegotiate the repayment of it, ie pay £200 per month instead of £350 per month over a longer period.

Can you say vaguely what you do OP? I would love to work for myself again

I thought that was a churlish and unhelpful post - why bother? The person you quoted gave several realistic tips to help OP.