Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

No wonder you can't survive, you're barely bringing in any more than minimum wage!!!

Two adults with 3 kids aged 10, 8 and 6 with £1000 a month of rent would have £958.88 a month of benefits and a take-home income of £50,547 a year / £4,212 a month.

The OP is earning minimum wage (£22,222). The take-home for minimum wage is £19,520.

OP's husband is earning £48k to give a total household income of £70k. His take-home is £38,000.

So OP's £57,520 family's take-home income is only £7k more than two people earning minimum wage.

Far too many people seem to have no idea how the UK's tax and benefits systems work.

Hold on. I have a mortgage. It’s nothing to do with budgeting either. I can’t have the sort of lifestyle I want with the way things are, so I take on debt and am fully responsible for it. I haven’t encouraged anyone else to follow my example, not have I claimed “it’s all ok”.

I didn't for a moment even think about anyone with a MLM.
I was referring to qualified coaches who often have masters degrees in psychology, coaching or MBAs and years of experience as CEOs etc.
It's not right to tar all coaches with the same brush.

But the point still applies- not clear what you mean by being in debt but you are likely to have a poor credit record that may be an issue one day.

'In debt' to one person can be £3K on a CC not cleared.

Someone else may be £50K in debt and unable to pay bills.

My credit record is fine, so you don’t need to spend any more time worrying about that.

Is the 7 year old too big now to send up chimneys? If you apprentice out him and the 6 year old as sweeps, could bring in some extra dosh. 😀

Absolutely - a properly qualified and trained coach can be a massive help.

Unfortunately it’s not a reserved profession (e.g. you can be prosecuted for claiming to be a solicitor / medical doctor when you aren’t) and the people who know what they are doing can be hard to find among the chancers.

The fact that people think the OP should do it based on no more than ‘has made NMW if you ignore the expenses’ illustrates that.

Rather than cutting back you need to increase income, can anyone earn more?? Is there potential in the business so you can take out a business loan to ease the stress, will the business 100% grow?

I am sorry it is tough. I don't want to suggest you take away your pleasures, but in your position we would have only one streaming service if that (Netflix I would think). The BBC is best for children's programmes anyway in my opinion and with the free channels and netflix you can get quite a lot for adults too. Just stopping streaming services (depending on how many you have) can save a bit to let you build up an emergency fund. Sorry not to be more help.

PCP ends in handing the car back, swapping it for another, or paying a final lump sum to own the car.

OP - how far are you into the PCP agreement? You are paying a fair whack. If you have hit the half way mark you can terminate the agreement and hand yhd car bavk on something called the halves and thirds rule.

Then if possible trade in the smaller car/scrap it and just get one car on a personal loan (car finance is the devil) and preferably get a cheaper larger car. Loads of reviews on Honest John on bigger vehicles.

If I was in your position I think we'd have to get radical and get a second job - both you and DH. Sacrifices are needed. If you won't give up your business that is paying you a pittance then you need some twilight shelf stacking shifts at your local supermarket or something and your DH similar. You won't see each other (one is with the kids, one is working) but maybe a bit of time working extra hours will give you a bit more cash flow and breathing room to your finances and then you can reassess later on. I get the NHS job made you miserable but you and your DH can't support your family so this can't go on.

Thanks for clarifying. Wouldn’t make that decision for myself personally.

I was in a similar position, a single parent with 2 teenagers and earning around £65k. It's not enough to live on if you want a life beyond paying bills. I now do a second self employed job alongside my main job and feel comfortable again. I'm working a lot of hours as my main job is teaching but for me I'm happier working ridiculous hours and not having the worry of being financially insecure.
If you or your husband can get a second job I'd recommend it. I think financial peace is underrated.

Car finance is the devil.

Our household income is £47k with one 14 year old daughter. Our biggest expense is rent at £850 a month for a small 2 bed house. I work for the civil service, so while the flexibility is great, the wages aren’t!

If you want to understand better why the middle class is struggling financially (and disappearing) check out Gary Stevenson, Inequality Economist. His Instagram is eye opening. The massive gush up of wealth that has been happening globally for the past decade has now reached the comfortable classes, and the decline in our collective standards of living will continue.

look at getting another job. Whether contracting or evening pub.

It’s very tax efficient as national insurance is PER job. So you really will see the money.

She's not, she's completely wedded to the idea that spending equates to happiness..that's so wrong.

Unfortunately you can’t afford the lifestyle you want on the income that you currently bring in, especially with three children. You already spent a significant chunk of your lifetime income just on that one decision!

And you have no savings? What happens if your DH has an accident or worse? Crikey.

Your food bill seems very high - what are you eating? Is food being wasted? For example, are you buying a pack of five chicken breasts and then your little ones are scraping half their plates into the bin? Look at portion size guides and bulk up on vegetables and pulses.

However, the joy that you get from your work is plain to see. You just need to make it pay! I would give it a further year and see if you can turn things around. But you can’t carry on like this indefinitely.

The best idea is to also do something counter-seasonal, that runs on the opposite cycle to weddings.

For those saying £70k isn’t enough for 3 kids - I earn around £60k (single parent) and have 3 DC. We live a very comfortable life with foreign holidays etc.

It’s just about your choices.

Op if you work in the wedding industry then presumably you are fairly quiet at certain times of the year and busy weekends in wedding season.

Cant you look at picking up some hours in a bar or supermarket or anywhere really. Just part time in the week? Either when kids are at school/nursery or evenings when DH is home. I get it would be more difficult in wedding season, but needs must!

I also work in the wedding industry, although I also work part time all year round. Summer can be intense! I recently met one of our local wedding photographers working in a coffee shop.

It's the extras. The unforseen bills and short term expenses that are killing you. We're in a similar position, and about to get worse with our mortgage renewal next month. We currently save a healthy amount, but with all bills going up it tough.

Some things that helped us....savings standing order set up on payday into several separate accounts. Some are for spending (eventually), some are only to be touched for emergencies and big projects. We have accounts for presents (Christmas/bdays), unexpected repairs or new appliances, holidays, kids clothes etc. Smallish amounts go into each.

Try to get into the mindset of you can't spend what you haven't got. Those savings accounts don't exist unless it's for the specific thing it's intended for. I'd say we were comfortable 5 years ago, and got into the habit of just being able to buy things we 'needed'. But actually how much of what we buy is essential.

Every time you go to buy something, ask yourself if you need to buy new - is it something you can get cheaper elsewhere? Fb marketplace, ebay, vinted etc. Clothes bundles when you need to buy kids clothes the next age up can save you a small fortune, as can presents.

Sell what you don't need. I've made £2k on Vinted in the last year. It's our holiday fund. And the house feels lighter.

Use cashback to build savings - especially for big money ones like life, car home insurance etc.

But most importantly, remember that this time of your life is hard. You can't earn extra money easily without paying for childcare. Your HMRC payments will end eventually. Do you car payments also end at some point?

Doing my usual and have only read the first page so this has probably already been suggested, but just in case it hasn’t…have you considered getting a personal loan so you can pay your car finance off? Car finance is notoriously expensive with huge interest rates and a personal loan is typically a much cheaper way of borrowing that kind of money. Depending on how much it is, you can also look at homeowner loans as well which are secured against your property (so would be another mini mortgage) but you benefit from mortgage rates and longer to pay off so again much cheaper in the long run.

Completely understand if you don’t like the idea of securing against a property but it’s something to consider as it would save you a lot of money every month I would imagine.

Also try watching Dave Ramsey on YouTube or reading/using audible for his book. His cash budgeting system helped me loads to start saving and reduce debt. You may not like everything he has to say as he will tell you to get rid of the car on finance but I would really take the time to listen as the advice worked for me and our household income is also about £20k less than yours.