Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

The average UK salary is £36,972. With two adult earners in your household, the average would be £73,944. You earn below the UK average, and have 3 kids to support.

In all seriousness OP, you are in the same boat as a lot of us..definitely a similar scenario for us ..£60k joint income, £750 mortgage ( thanks Liz Truss) , 1 child, 2 pets. 1 car on finance.

You think you've reached a stage in your life where you would be comfortable. Both my partner and I work FT, I'm in mid 50's and assumed that I would be ' winding down' now. I have friends that are looking to fully retire at 60, where as I will be still be FT at 65 the way things are going.

We have meagre savings - £250 - which is a bit pointless as we have a credit card with over £800 on it.

However, we refuse to wear rags, huddle round an old radio and tell stories to each other for entertainment, and eat grass. We do budget, but also have holidays ( modest , first abroad one for 7 years this year ), the odd takeaway and night out, and the child goes to quite a few clubs and activities that cost.

I guess you could say we live the live we feel we should be able to on our incomes and at our stage in life. This is probably not the way we should be.

What I do find annoying is people also claiming to be in the same situation as us, when they are nowhere near. We have friends who plead poverty but have a huge inheritance that they don't touch as that is for ' retirement' ( I find at our ages , or anything from 40 upwards, the big game changer is inheritance if you are fortunate enough to inherit a large sum , in the form of a house or whatever, when parents sadly pass away ).

Try and be happy, you are here for a good time not a long time, and if it is paid for by debt then so be it!

Are you buying the car
because if it’s a lease why did you have pay for a recent car repair You said you paid for 180 for battery -

i lease always have done and I don’t pay for a single repair or battery

but either way
you have 3 kids
gave up a well paid job to go into a over saturated industry which is mainly seasonal
You are paying 450 a month for a car so you fam do your not well paid self employed job

you have a hobby job ( at the moment) which isn’t generating enough money

I feel sorry for your DH who is probably indirectly subsidizing your hobby job

if you didn’t have your DH could you afford to do your self employed job

Sorry, I have nothing to add, but my husband and I have the same household income and a similar mortgage and car payment. As we don't have kids, we do have a lot of disposable income. It's so depressing that our relatively good salary becomes a pittance once you add kids into the mix. You have my commiserations and I hope things get better for you.

Look I’m not gonna have a go, it’s impossible to make a full judgement on a short comment. But we aren’t in too dissimilar position. Joint income is 50k, mortgage 1000 a month, dh works ft I’m self employed pt and care for disabled ds (do get a small dla top up). We have 2 cars- one baked bean tin dh uses and one 4x4 on pcp but it’s only 210 a month- could you swap your 450? Subscriptions, pick one and swap after 6 months, Disney, then Netflix etc. no costa. Yes my eldest does swimming too. It’s tough I know it feels one bill will finish you

That obviously depends where. I was a civil servant for many years and have nothing but good things (except for the pay) to say.

You could possibly get some seasonal evening work around Christmas, OP, when your business is quieter. Pubs and restaurants are always busy then.

for two adults and three kids? Of course she is.

But the £400+ p/m for a second car does stand out, if you’re making do on £160 p/m after expenses.

Thats the area you need to revisit, OP.

Good luck

Youve got a decent sized home, 2 cars, 3 kids … and by the sounds of your mortgage you live in a reasonably nice/decent/expensive area. A household income of £70k isn’t a lot nowadays once the taxman has been at it.

We are doing ok now, but we only recently signed up for a streaming service. I still cut everybody's hair, we eat leftovers, have cheap phones, grow some of our own veggies.

Cut one or both streaming services and start using BBC iPlayer.

Only buy new clothes when you absolutely need to. (Neither a party, a wedding nor an anniversary are "need to".)

If the phone breaks down the new one has to be cheap.

I had a big car too (well what I considered a big car) - I had a Hyundai Santa Fe and bought it second hand and was paying £352. Very reliable. I get the need for a big car - just I wouldn’t go for pcp - it’s my understanding that it’s a lease so it actually never paid off (maybe I’m wrong) so it would not be for me personally.

I live on minimum wage, so someone saying 70k isn’t a good wage makes me laugh. What are you spending all that money on if it’s not enough.

Not if there’s children. Either to look after. Or pay childcare for.

If you do the maths, the OP has 5 people supported by an income of 33k per year after just tax and mortgage...so maybe you're actually better off on 10k for one person with no housing costs?

I’m sure many would. It’s not what this post is about. This post is about the fact that the OP has 70k and 3 kids and feels like she’s only one emergency away from tipping the boat.
I also have 3 kids - so I get what the OP is saying in the sense thar kids seem to constantly need one thing or another!

Can you get a garden shed to store business related stuff if you need some more space in order to grow, otherwise install an attic hatch and store stuff in the attic

If it is just static gear or non perishable stock you can rent a 40ft container for about £150 a month depending where you are in the country.

If the business has potential for much more earning power with increased floor space it's a trivial problem to resolve as there are always a variety business of space solutions about.

The issue is more about whether the increased revenue will pay for the increased floor space.

I did a free course from Rebel Finance School and they have another one starting in June. They also have videos on YouTube under The Donegans.
I think tracking your spending would be a great place to start. I do think there are areas that you are spending money where you could be saving. All those little bits here and there really do add up, monitoring it and working on that gap really is the way forward to avoid debts in emergencies.

Friends who declare when they have a huge inheritance “that they don't touch as that is for ' retirement”

yes @Guinessandafire ^ I heard an acquaintance say that exact same thing and it boils my blood. A kind of humble bragging - pleading poverty (they’re not btw), being so “responsible” when they’re just being skinflints, and denying their privilege, all at the same time.

Also agree, Try and be happy, you are here for a good time not a long time, and if it is paid for by debt then so be it!

How much money are you spending on shower gel? When our DC were teenagers they could go through a £3 bottle in a week each.

I buy a litre of bubble bath, which contains exactly the same cleaning stuff as shower gel (it's about 90p from Lidl) and decant that into the 250ml bottle that lives in the shower. Everyone has their own shower scrunchie, which turns a small dollop into a lot of lather. You can get yourself clean with about 2p worth of product.

It won't pay for your next holiday, but if you can get DC into this habit before they get to the smelly teen stage it will save quite a few quid over the years.

£70k for a family with 3 kids and a decent sized mortgage is not a lot of money at all. You need a salaried job

I’d agree 70k isn’t a lot for a joint income and a family. Work out how much you need to live comfortably and then ensure you bring this in. For us it’s about 120k between us.

I haven't read through other comments so apologies if this repetition. I have been in your situation and would say that you are very much not alone. £70k is above national average and should feel more comfortable than it is. A couple of things I would do. Firstly, whilst I appreciate you need a large car, £450 a month is A LOT. I would definitely see if you can exit that. There are definitely cheaper ways to finance a car right now. Secondly, I think it comes down to small changes that add up. Do a full bills audit once a year. Seek out cheaper providers and plans. It's worth the time. Look at your food shop. This is by far my largest expense after bills. Go on the money saving expert site, there's loads of budgeting ideas there.

£350 to HMRC is awful 😫 how long do you have to pay that off for? You have my sympathies. 💕

I hear you. We're older than you, I'm in my late 50;s and DH is early 60's, he works FT I'm self employed, our DD's are young adults. It feels like every month is a struggle. We rarely eat out or have coffees out etc, like maybe once a quarter, barely buy any new clothes, haven't had a proper holiday in years. I used to think life would get easier as we got older but it's got harder - everything is so much more expensive, Covid was disastrous for us financially and we have never really recovered. It sucks. And I can't see a way round it - we are too old for a career change, no chance of a big inheritance, no way to boost our incomes. Retirement seems like a distant dream.