Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Cut your own hair
It's a skilled job.
Really.

That would just make you feel even worse going round with hair that looks a mess/uneven etc.

I’m wondering what your business is if it’s wedding related and needs a large vehicle. Is it floristry? If so then can you look at expanding into other events especially funerals ... more of a growth industry and busier in winter…

Could you also look at term time jobs in schools - lunchtime supervisor maybe? if your 3 year old is in nursery at the right times. Even if this isn’t viable now it might be once 3yo is in school.

Make sure you include absolutely all work expenses in your business accounts - that includes eg the ad hoc childcare and the car finance, any bought lunches if you travel for work, etc - once you have done that, does it still pay min wage or not? You do need to have a realistic picture of what your business is paying.

How often do you need the large vehicle for work, if it’s not that often might rental like zipcar/zipvan be an option instead? 450/month is so much, even if you can halve that it would help a lot.

That's a lot for a car. I have a pretty large car (Skoda Karoq) and only pay £260 per month for it. I would part-ex your car and get a different model.

I paid £120 for a decent coffee machine a few years ago and got some insulated mugs - I brew my own now and take it out with me to stop me spending a fiver on a latte in a shop. It has paid for itself many times over by now.

Disney OR Netflix - make the choice. Don't need both.

IMO one of the biggest factors to quality of life is location.

I'm on the border and 5 years ago bought a 4 bed detached newbuild house for £210K. Cost of living here is low, crime rate low and we are within 2hrs drive of 5 major cities.

Where my close friends live in Glasgow and Surrey you'd be lucky if that bought half a house! Whenever they want tradesmen for renovations, upgrades etc the quotes they get are double what mine quote here (as obviously tradesman are charging in accordance with their own costs of living). It's unfair but such is life.

For most it's not simple to uproot and move. I'll never take for granted how lucky I've been to live in my area.

I get it OP, especially as you've laid out your costs/circumstances very clearly.

I'd prioritise new glasses, fwiw. I think you're storing up trouble not doing that.

I agree with others about the car. I have three littles and a business that needs stuff hauling around, and until recently my car was a Citroen Berlingo. Looks like a milk float but hugely versatile, fitted three across, pleasant to drive and cost £290/month.

Would make a few manageable/easy cuts for now. Netflix or Disney, two cheaper meals a week (egg and chips, beans and jacket potatoes). Go out for coffees/cake but not meals. And so on.

Longer term you'll need to think hard about whether your business is viable. I hope it is for your sake but it's tough out there.

I think it was a comment you made about spending £6k on a 10+-year-old car after the cam belt went that made me sit up. And also the slowly emerging fact that the children are at school and your DH wfh three days a week and so, to some extent, you're over the worst of childcare issues. And then the realisation that your business is at its busiest over the summer months, when your children will be on holiday and requiring care...

You say you're terrified of debt because your parents were bankrupted, but you don't seem to be behaving like a person who is scared of being in debt. My parents were never bankrupt but came close to losing their home in a big recession in the 80s and I saw the stress they went through. As a result I became a saver and someone who spends probably over-cautiously. I don't see that in you. I see someone who takes all sorts of risks.

If your car's cam belt hadn't already been changed at least once by the time it was 7, 8, 9, 10 years old (mileage dependent, costs £400-500) you would have known that it could go at any time. I'm guessing you decided to put off the maintenance and risk it. You ended up paying £6k for a new engine as opposed to £500 to ensure the cam belt didn't break.

You took the risk of giving up a well-paid job with a good pension in order to do a hobby-job from your garage and be happy. I get that that was a few years ago and what you lost in income you make up for in childcare, but now the children are at school and don't need you during the day, so I'm guessing you have quite a lot of time with nothing much going on.

You joke about getting a bigger house so that you could have more space for your business. I really hope you're joking, but that's the way someone with poor business sense would look at things — taking out more debt to buy bigger premises for a business that has only recently started to make money, is seasonal and where any number of competitors can pop up and undercut you would be very high-risk. I see a lot of women going into the kind of sector you describe because it looks glamorous and fun, but I see very few making real money except the very good videographers.

I know you don't want to go back into employment, but I can't help thinking that if you were really that stressed about money you'd be trying to fix the situation by getting some evening or weekend work, or taking a part-time job on the days your partner can do the school run. It's what many people starting a business have to do to survive.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but the gap between what you are saying (terrified of debt) and what you're doing really stands out to me.

Well 3 kids is 3 kids.

You then made a lifestyle choice that hobbled your earnings.

Stuff like 2 cars is not an essential. Plenty of families don't even have one.

So a tough situation yes. But one of your own making.

£450 per month is a huge amount to be paying on a car. That's where I'd be cutting down. I'm sure you can have a car that fits your needs for less

I'm not sure what your business is, but could you look at renting a storage unit to help up-size?

And she's not paying for the car - she's renting it so nothing to show at the end.

1 - Can you remortgage to a better rate / longer term / or even go interest only for a period til you earn more?

2 - Get better paying jobs

3 - Sell the PCP car and get a lower cost one

Good luck

Sorry, I guess it depends on what kind of hairstyle you’re going for.

Just to clarify, I cut my own hair (I mainly were it tied back and long, so it doesn’t actually make much difference), or my mum does! I don’t look a mess :)
I also cut my children’s and husband hair.
Its really not that hard if you have long hair.

We aren’t on a restrictive budget but choose to live well below our means.

Stopping Disney and Netflix alone must be £20 per month

This right here. We're also switching from one subscription to another every month or two and as a freelance content creator I had to find affordable alternatives to most Adobe products, because their prices are also a joke at this point. Photo editors, video editors, you name it, everything has a cheaper version now and I'm not spending more if I can spend less.

Don't give up your wedding business, being self-employed requires imagination, perseverance and a lot of sacrifice. You have made it to the stage where you are able to earn a wage from it - that is the hard part - don't throw all that away now! Getting to the point where you can draw an income is huge - congratulations! Please ignore everyone saying you need a salaried job.

You can still cut more from your spending - BBC iplayer is all we get at home and it is enough. National Trust properties are a rip-off unless you are members, go places without entrance fees like the woods/beach/countryside/park. Find free museums for your cultural hits. Sod Costa - the coffee is rubbish anyway - make a treat cake at home with the kids and make your own cafetiere of coffee.

Also get some top-up casual part time work, may be during the winter months, so you can focus full time on your wedding business in the summer months when you need to.

I actually think you’re doing ok. Three children, one parent at home almost all the time, jobs you both enjoy, two cars, days out and trips, good food, money left for small luxuries, no debt. This is better than 95% of the world. Pay off HMRC and swap the car and you’d be laughing

I've got a tendency to sit on glasses, so I get mine very cheaply at goggles4u.co.uk (you need the prescription details) - even better, if you buy one pair you get increasingly huge discount offers by email.

Yes, don't have any fun, treats or happiness in your life OP .

Cook the pets, sell one of the kids .

Come on, your not even trying!

I don't know why you think your choices are be happy with your business that only pays minimum wage or be miserable in a salaried job?

I grew my business, and my income is probably triple what it was 5 years ago.

If your business is only ever going to make the equivalent of minimum wage, you need to cut your outgoings.

I also agree that £70k for 2 adults and 3 children could be a stretch. I make around that from my business, and it's just me and my daughter. We're definitely comfortable, I'm not saying it's not a great income, but I can't imagine supporting another adult and 2 more children on it.

£70k just isn't a lot for someone with 3 kids. An unfortunate fact. Could you earn more working a salaried role? This would also mean you may not need such a big car for your business - nearly 500 quid a month for a car is a huge amount. I've just qualified for a profession and once I am working FT in a few months, my DH and I will have a joint income of roughly £110k and we cannot live lavishly. 2 DSC.

No offence OP but you need to get a better paying job.

I work for myself and I completely understand what you mean about having a job you enjoy- but the difference is mine pays very well. If it stopped paying well I'd have to go back to employment, and I understand that. And I don't have any children to support.

Are there hairdressing colleges that offer free cuts to willing volunteers? Or is that a myth?

I agree, its tough OP but without really high incomes it was always going to be a struggle with 5 kids.
I am not saying that you should have made other choices but in kids can be expensive and the more you have the less money you have generally.

^^ this.

I did extra night duty shifts whenever I could fit them in, needs must and grit your teeth OP
We lived from one pay cheque to another, I do know what it’s like OP. We had very different set up but it was the only way to survive for a number of years.

If the OP miscounted and really has 5 kids when they thought they had 3 that would probably explain a lot.

Oh Shit, apologies
Misread and now I feel like a muppet.