Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

The glaring expense here is the car.

TBH if you had a reasonably paying job in the nhs for 16 years it begs the question why you didn't accumulate a nest egg or savings towards a car.

I doubt your current lack of cash is something new- sounds more like poor budgeting long term and especially your decision to leave a well paid and secure job.

I'd look into getting rid of the car loan and getting a cheaper one.

It’s £450 a month plus fuel which at the moment the family pays for after tax is ludicrous AND doesn’t give a clear indication of if the business is actually making money.

You are being quite coy about how much your job is actually bringing in - paying yourself minimum wage for how many hours? Are you taking home £1800 a month or £500?
Your pcp is huge - it’s a whole weeks wages at minimum wage and far too big an % of your earnings, although I feel your pain with car seats and needing the reliability. It needs looking at though and it’s really impacting on what your job is actually contributing if the reason it is so high is for work.
The pcp and the HMRC bill are your biggest problems - £800ish a month is almost your mortgage. You may be better off with a whacking big personal loan with smaller monthly payments over a longer period. More interest overall but not so much of a monthly impact. You could borrow £25000 over 5 years for £500 a month and you would be £300 a month better off but only on the basis that £25k would clear your HMRC debt and leave enough for a reliable people carrier.
I think ultimately you need to earn more. In your circumstances I would look into delivery in the gig economy with Ubereats/deliveroo etc. you would need delivery driver insurance on your older car (you can get pay as you go so you only need to be insured for the time you are actively working) but could potentially bring in £200 a week working flexibly around kids and your main job. Alternatively a 8-10 hour contract in retail or hospitality or care but that is more tricky when you have childcare and events. You are ex-nhs and sound like you were reasonably senior. Would you consider NHSP at a band 2/3? They have clinical and non clinical roles. If you were able to do something like that then you could pick up maybe 20-30 hours a month to fit around your other responsibilities.

It’s not advice.

Can you do some agency weekend work in what you’re qualified for? Husband can do the weekend childcare? Even 1 shift every other weekend would help to build an emergency fund. As your kids get older this will get easier.

Maybe 😉 hello friend!

I just don’t have a problem being honest about what continues to be a taboo subject.

In terms of earing more money, since you both sound a bit entrepreneurial...

Your wedding business must be more full on in the summer than winter. So in the winter you're under employed. Can you market your current business in a different way in the winter? Eg if you're a wedding photographer, can you do headshots and family portraits? If you're a wedding cake maker, can you teach a cake decorating course? It might take some creative thinking to come up with an idea, but you can post here to ask for help.

Equally do you have any time to run either an in person course or an online course to teach your particular skill to others year round?

Does your skill produce a physical product that you could sell online year round with minimal effort? Eg if you're a cake decorator, could you print out edible icing sheets that can be bought via Etsy or similar for home bakers to use.

You said you used to work in the NHS, we're you clinical or management? Can you go on the bank or pick up the odd shift via agency work in the winter when you're quiet?

Can you get an additional minimum wage job in the winter? Anything at all, work in a supermarket

Does your DH have scope to earn more through overtime?

Can either of you work an additional minimum wage job a couple of evenings a week?

In terms of reducing your outgoings. Yes your car is expensive. You also spend a lot on food. You could reduce that to £600 and still eat very well - how much food waste do you have? How often do you eat meat, fish or cheese? Do you buy branded stuff or smart price? Go shopping at 8pm and buy the yellow sticker stuff to freeze. You don't need the TV subscriptions or the Costas. You don't need to spend £50 on a birthday present for your dad, £15 would do. You don't need to spend any money on admission on daytrips. Go to parks, national parks, the seaside. Learn to cut yours and your family's hair or use student hair dressers. Shop for clothes, shoes and housewares on vinted or in charity shops. Especially kids stuff, it's dirt cheap on vinted and often not been worn.

Do all of that and you'll save £200 a month easily. It's a mindshift change, I know because we had to make similar adjustments as we're on a similar household income with kids. You'll get used to it and figure out what wasn't actually important and which treats you really value and adjust what you chose to spend on. I promise that it becomes normal and doesn't feel like penny pinching or living frugally if you're intentional on what you cut back and what you choose to keep. Just in terms of the clothes, I used to buy supermarket and Shein stuff. Now I buy Hobbs, phase eight, Boden etc from vinted. It costs less, looks better and I feel better wearing them

The OP said she needs a car that will take 3 car seats. I have a Honda Jazz and it won’t take 3. We have 3 Gdcs so I’ve tried.

How much are you earning OP?

What's your net income after buying materials and your other overheads?

Your business is most likely a hobby that brings in a bit of cash.

To be honest your post smacks of a lot of the entitlement I see these days around living standards….

1. you run 2 cars - a choice. All cars can fit 5 people in it. I have 3 kids - I had to sacrifice extended rear facing in giant car seats and maintain one small family size car
2. you left a salaried job to go self employed on a nominal wage. Choice not necessity.
3. Netflix AND Disney - I get it with kids - but again choice not necessity (our parents didn’t have any of that and we all managed)
4. Costa x2 a month - that would cover a hair cut

What? Yes it does. Commuting is not "business use" that can be written off. That's just normal life.

I don’t have much advise as we are in a similar boat to be honest. Me and my partner are both nurses in the NHS and household income is just over £70,000 per yer. I would say the last 6 month or so have been considerably worse and we are now living month to month.

I naively thought things would be easier when nursery bills didn’t take the majority of our income. However as school rapidly approaches I have come to realise that breakfast clubs, after school clubs, holiday clubs and new hobbies as the children grow means we are pretty much going to be in the same position.

However, I will say that I think you are paying far too much for that second car on PCP. I hate PCP as you pay all that money with nothing to show at the end of that makes sence. We scrapped our PCP deal afew years ago and instead got a low interest loan from the bank over 5 years to pay for a family car (used ofcorse). Shopped around to get a good deal and the payments are only £250 a month which is a huge saving for us. Plus the car is almost paid off now and will be ours at the end.

Are you spending nothing on childcare? Even the three year old? I’m asking because if you are paying in the holidays for example those costs will reduce as each child gets to secondary age.

Do you do wedding flowers or food? If so have you got a really good winter business plan? Wreaths or platters for autumn and Christmas etc. it’s worth thinking slightly out the box about your business if you want to make it work. And are you sure your pricing is right? How are you going to grow your pay? Don’t be happy with minimum wage. Have a plan to increase your profit.

Good luck.

If there is potential to expand your business can all the children share for say a year and you use a bedroom as workspace? Would a shed work? I occasionally see free sheds and summerhouses on Freecycle. Any neighbours have an empty garage you could use for peppercorn rent or even free for a few months?
There are not so many enterprise loans and grants as there were in the 90s and 00s but worth searching for just in case there is one.

There are many small business grants available it's time to look into this. They will want to see your books. You really need a small business unit premises. So start looking at local ones. You'll need a business plan. You may find a business unit with extra space you can pay a small rent to. Start enquiring

Otherwise your business will stall. So start researching.

I saw about the cost of a national trust day out. It's not going to make a big dent in outgoings but - have you thought about asking family to buy (or club together and buy) you a years membership. Its a great way to be able to have 'free' days out, lots of the properties have parks and you can take a picnic. Even if it's going back to the local one it's a change of scene, somewhere for kids to run around and play, and if you have a membership it should literally just cost you the fuel to get there.

After main bills you have £2200.
Can you account for every penny for a couple of months?
That is a lot of money to spend every month.
For context, I put absolutely everything I spend after bills on a credit card. It is roughly £1100 each month for 1 adult, 2 teens. Scale up for another adult then maybe £1400 max?
You could do the same for 2 months then print out the statements and analyse.
Do you change insurance provider every year to get a better deal? Use comparethemarket.
Have only Disney OR netflix each month not both. You can cancel and reinstate accounts easily.
Mobile phones - SIM only deals.

When you have mortgage, bills, childcare and car finance sucking up most of your income all the little bits add up. Even going to cheaper shops is not that cheap now. Add in your subscriptions, coffees, ice creams etc and you see where the little you have left over is going. It's priorities do you want to enjoy those little treats now or save for bigger things? Unfortunately with your current income and expenses you can't have both.
I cancelled sky sports, disney, netflix, prime, Spotify to save myself around £65 a month alot of these then start emailing cheaper offers we got disney free for 3 months through clubcard and can have Spotify for £5.99 for 2 months

Hmmm.... I agree with the people here saying that your combined income is not enough for 3 kids. I would get rid of 1 car and either find a full-time job or a second job. I don't see any other solution.

I don't live beyond my means but what depresses me is no matter how much I earn it is simply never enough for essential repairs and replacements. Armchairs with holes in. Carpets threadbare.

plus all my friends live extremely comfortable. I honestly do not know a single hard up friend like me which makes me feel worse!

I gave up a car two years ago to help money but I see zero financial improvement with crazy food prices and other essentials.g

Joining a choir soon and hope to meet some nice skint women!!

me driving large distances for work at times!

This is not commuting if she's self employed and driving to venues.

I think 70k as a house hold income is reasonable. However you have a lot of outgoings. 450 quid for a car is crazy! We have one car ,and it's fairly old .Big bills .I think you need to let the 2nd car go.look at working for a company

Agree. 70k used to be a high income for a family, it's just not anymore.

450 on your car is a significant chunk of money, can you get a cheaper car at the end of the agreement?

Exactly this

OP, I think you should absolutely stick to your business. Doing something you love and that fits around the kids will always be worth it, even if things are tougher financially.

You’re also absolutely right about needing to earn more rather than messing around with saving ten quid here and there.

Can you think about a clever way to further market your business? Tap into a new seam of clients? Put your prices up?

If you’re in the wedding business there is literally no amount of moment people won’t pay. Are you charging enough? Could you go ‘artisan’ and target a wealthier audience? Increase your Instagram presence (bride heaven) etc to gain more (and higher paying clients)?

I run a service business and we were poor for ages because I only made enough to get by, but then I really upped my game and now we are £££ better off and have a much nicer lifestyle.