Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

We are on a similar income (I am part time/husband full time)

If we had a £450 debt payment coming out each month, that would put a huge dent in our disposable income. Can you trade your car in for something cheaper to half the rate? Also your food shopping is too high, you can reduce that.

Also the people saying, how dare you have disney and netflix! thats only £10-15 quid a month. So not helpful!

Oh OP @Wharawho i so so understand and i am in the exact same position!

little less household income, just above £60k but 2 DS. £460 car loan for another 2.5yrs, £2.5 bills including mortgage. Its tough! We also barely scraping…
its a vicious circle. You cant really bring the expenses down but cost of living is constantly going up. You can only budget so much..

i really feel your pain!

70k is two very average incomes - below media just I think these days

that would be 4,800 a month if both on 35k
1000 mortgage - which isn’t expensive compared to average rent and 500 car then let’s say 500 for food ( eat mostly veggie ) and 500 for council tax, electrify and basic broadband -2500

round that to 3000 for your essentials leaves you nearly 2k - childcare costs ?

3 kids is expensive though ( I stuck to the one and we went camping for our holidays unless I had a nice bonus )

Hello. Two things stick out for me. £450 a month for the car is very high. You’d be better off getting a small loan to buy a decent second hand car. It’s not PCP or an old banger- there’s something in between.
I also think you can’t afford to keep on with just your new business. I understand you are much happier but you have to be pragmatic too. You could seek a job during nursery/school hours perhaps. Or something online that can be done in your own time eg evenings. I know that’s not ideal and can be hard to come by but at the moment doing the job you love is part of the problem here. In today’s money £70,000 simply does not go as far as it used to and so you have to adapt to that fact. Good luck.

Most of the people I know who are comfortable have had some kind of inheritance. Not all, but a majority.

I think you need to realise then that bills will continue to be tight. Tackle the extortionate car payment, reduce subscriptions to one only etc but beyond that there's no point complaining if you, as stated prioritise doing something that makes you happy but small income (and why not). Very rare are the lucky people who love their jobs AND get a large salary too.

I am starting a side hustle of my own in a 'passion' area, but not giving up my day job. Just working on Saturdays. That's enough joy for me.

Your car loan is the problem. It's very big compared to your income.

I was in this very situation myself; needing a big car to run my business. My previous car was at an age where the bills were huge, often and the reliability was affecting my business. I decided getting to work was the priority and got a car on finance. It was £550 per month, and I spent last year killing myself working to pay it off a year early. I now own the car outright, so hopefully a few easy-ish motoring years before it starts costing me big again! I see vehicle costs as a necessary evil to run my business (and look forward to the days when I can have a cheap runaround again!).

The only way to bring in more money is to increase your income and get a main job. Your business sounds a cottage industry at this stage and you are spending a lot (fuel as an example) to enable it. You need to utilise your existing skills to get another job but keep the business ticking over.
As an aside, we never have coffees out or takeaways - they actually eat up quite a bit of cash, even though it doesn’t seem much at the time.

The standout for me is £450 for a car to facilitate you earning minimum wage.

If it was only needed for the kids there are loads of cheap options that will fit 3 car seats, and it sounds like you spent loads fixing an older one you already had but then got rid anyway because you wanted a new one for your business.

Frankly, it's an indulgence to choose a low income, high cost occupation because it 'makes you happy' when you really can't afford it.

I hate to say it but 70k isn’t all that much as a joint income; 3 kids (ai also have 3) are expensive and you need to take a salaried job. I set up a business during covid and made a little bit if money/ it fitted around childcare BUT I am earning a lot more, without the constant stress in a 9-5 salaried job. I didn’t want to make that change but had to for the sake of our family finances.

Isn't your life pretty normal for people with 3 children on an average income? I grew up in a family with 4 kids and my parents were always having to scrimp and save to give us a reasonable life. When my own children were young they wore hand me downs and second hand uniform. They didn't have Netflix etc. I'm not sure what it is you feel you are missing out on. Maybe count yourself lucky that you have a lovely, big family but recognise that comes at a financial cost.

If your big car is so vital for work is it a business expense?

I'm worried you aren't actually making a profit.

I think £70,000 for three kids doesn’t go as far as it used to sadly.

If you require a big car that costs £450 in debt to run your business, your business could actually be running at a loss taking that into account?

I am not sure I understood your points correctly, but if your mostly-seasonal job requires a big car and hampers you from getting a job the rest of the year too as you always would have to interrupt your second job... Then your mostly-seasonal job probably isn't making minimum wage AT ALL. You have to deduct the cost from the car and frankly you have to maybe calculate your wage on a yearly basis if it screws you out of being able to have a job for the rest too.

Which is precisely why thinks like wedding businesses, got example, are more like lifestyle hobbies than a job. (Which is fine! My husband has one if those jobs. Not judging it as a life choice. But... then you are struggling because you are choosing not to work, really.)

You mentioned a mortgage are you in a early repayment phase I.e have a early repayment fee? From your comments is it now on SVR (standard variable rate) Check a whole of market broker like L&C there are now a lot of better mortgage products/ deals including fixes and trackers. If you can get the mortgage down it would free some towards other expenses.

If for example DH earns £50 - &60k and your business £10 - £20k (when you could earn much more in employment) then that’s the main problem.

Honestly, I took a second job on top of my full time job, which I work 1 day a week spread over a week and that pays for our nice things like holidays.
We fot rid of our expensive car to be able to move to a bigger property, it was 650 a month. You can get a big car relatively cheaply.
We earn aboit 150k combined and we don't have a luxury lifestyle and have 2 kids.
Our cars are old. Our clothes are cheap, we bulk buy food and food shop in lidl.
Our rent is expensive as we prioritised being near a good secondary and house size over everything else.
The only way we can afford our lifestyle is for me to work 2 jobs. Husband can't as his job is office based and he doesnt get home until late.
You need a second income basically.

Only read OP's comments not the full thread but clearly the issue is that the 70k income is mostly from DH while OP is only just paying herself minimum wage. With 3 kids. I hear that the work makes her happy and fits with kids lifestyle, so that's the trade-off really. A higher salary would solve the issues she describes, but this is the work she wants to do and this is the wage it brings - and doesn't sound likely to increase much, plus it necessitates the car and other costs. So it's no mystery why things are tight nor how to bring more money in, but that's a choice and if the choice is loving your work, doing schoolruns etc then living beyond your means is the choice and all you can add is belt tightening and debt.

You’ve made a choice to work in a job you enjoy that doesn’t pay much. Given that, think you need to accept you need a cheaper car and only one of them!

@Theyalwaysknewbest

glad I could help. I grew up on benefits with very little and while my parents are fab they don’t have a lot to give. My DH grew up very middle class, inherited 100k at a young age, in the last few years since we had kids we’ve been gifted about £90k worth of cash, holidays, household goods and a small car the in laws didn’t want anymore! It was happening before kids too, our wedding was about 50% paid for too which took a lot of pressure off us. We go out on nice family meals to lovely places and nobody under 60 ever pays for anything, we never get a chance to see a bill tbh. It’s a lovely but very different way of life and I think because I’m so not used to it I’m more up front about it than others. My DH doesn’t talk about it.
I recently told one of my mum friends we weren’t paying for our holidays (incase she felt bad) and she told me her parents just paid off their mortgage! It’s laughable. Another family we know did their loft out and turns out parents paid for it! No one is talking about it but it’s absolutely rife!

Is that £70k net or gross? For a family that’s really quite a low income. You mentioned being ex-nhs, so to put it on nhs terms, 2 newly qualified nurses would earn the same as you and your DH. I can totally understand burning out and not wanting to work for the nhs full time but could you pick up some shifts on the bank maybe? Our combined income is about £130k and we don’t have a second car, only have the one child and thanks to the high costs of DS’s disability we barely make ends meet so I don’t know how you can support a family of 5 on £70k.

I appreciate you weren’t happy in the NHS but it doesn’t sound like your business is a profitable enough option for your family.

If most of your clients are one off summer gigs have you considered pushing into related work in the winter or background year round stuff. It’s hard to comment without really knowing what you do but the obvious areas would be Christmas events? The business needs to grow or you could get a part time job to supplement. I’d start by looking hard at the business income though and what is a business expense and what isn’t.

Only on MN...

So many people would kill for £70k!!