Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Are there any hairdressing schools/colleges nearby? They often ask for volunteers for free haircuts.

Well said.

Is the business actually making any profit when you factor in cost of car and electricity etc
Maybe get your accountant friend to look at that
And if the space limitations mean you can’t expand your business then how is your income going to increase
Maybe try and get some business advice,maybe through local Chamber of Commerce
You need more income
I would look for a job and dial back the business at the moment
Appreciate your business makes you happy and your job didn’t ,but is that worth it if you have no money
Children definitely don’t get cheaper !

I think £70k household income used to be a lot but with inflation it really isn't anymore. Not for two adults with pets, three children, a mortgage and two cars.

What stands out to me from your posts is the £450 a month on the car and £750 or so on food shopping. Both of those seem really high to me and not an amount we'd be comfortable paying and we have a higher household income than yours and one less child.

I think PCP is a bit of a swizz. We have often secured a loan from the bank and then bought a car ourselves with that and our monthly payments have never been as high as £450 and at least we then own the car.

Our food shopping is £100 a week at the absolute maximum for a family of four. Often less, it was £80 this week because we had plenty in the cupboard and freezer. That includes household stuff like laundry powder, loo rolls etc. But it is where we're happy to economise. I shop at Lidl, we eat mainly vegetarian and only buy meat when it's on a reduced sticker which I then freeze. We're happy to eat very simply and cook from scratch. Porridge for breakfasts, cooking with lots of pulses.....soup or jacket potatoes for dinner, using frozen veg a lot etc. I know you have one more child but it seems you could cut that food shopping bill down.

This is diabolical advice. Debt has to be paid off, unless you're planning on dying with debt, in which case you're just leaving it for the rest of us.

OP - just thinking of your business alone. Can you speak to a local business advisor (free through council) and look at renting a bigger workspace. Ask if there any grants/help with this? You have done so well to leave a job that wasn’t working for you and it sounds like your business is going well. I think ‘scaling up’ is the obvious way forward, but would involve the financial risk of business rent. If you can you should go for it! Without giving too much detail my DH did and it’s the best decision he’s ever made. You’re at that tipping point and you need to be brave! I hope this helps x

That’s a bit harsh and unrealistic. This poster, you will know if you RTFT, appears to manage her debt well to give her life more meaning.

Money is needed for the most basic necessities, being able to spend it paying the bills and food costs can also make you happy, as well as responsibly planned holidays so you are actually chastising this poster for your own interpretation on how YOU would waste your money.

It sounds like you are paying for the car and petrol from your personal account rather than as a business expense (which it clearly is).

Seems your business isn’t a viable way to make much income. Are there realistic prospects of that changing soon? If not, then seeking employment would be sensible.

Appreciate you experienced negative things in your former career and would much prefer to work doing something you love, but there are other job options and factors to consider.

Many (most?) of us do jobs we don’t much enjoy for financial reasons.

Set yourself a timeframe I.e to go frugal for say 3 months.
Get all family involved.
Easier in the summer.
Reduce all outgoings and consumption of gas and electricity.
No Costa.
Batch cook
Be frugal with ingredients
Reduce car trips to save petrol.
Hopefully this will help you save a buffer.

I would permanently get rid of subscriptions and Costa coffee. Possibly sell the smaller car. Look for a cheaper option of the larger car. I'm sure you could find something suitable and cheaper to buy.

That’s a tough one. I do a dull as dishwater job in the Civil Service but it pays really well. I’ve decided to stay doing it and enjoy the money, WFH and flexi time whilst I plan my next holiday. I’m having three this year. I’m fully aware how boastful it sounds but you need to think whether life inside of work is more important than life outside of work.

The thing that stands out for me is your car payment, which is double what you pay per month for your house.

Apart from this, It seems that you are generally sensible in how you at manage your money. You have explained why you need a large car but there are cheaper options.

Also check if there are any options for cheaper finance on mortgage and car finance by consolidation etc.

Being a parent of three and having no savings at all is a perilous situation. I wouldn’t be able to sleep properly at night. In your circumstances, doing a job you love, but isn’t bringing in much of an income is a luxury you can’t afford to have. I would get a part-time job (bank shifts?) alongside your business, see how that goes for six months, then reassess - possibly applying for a salaried job.

And I’m fairly sure you could easily save at least £100 by reducing some of your discretionary spending.

F

Get a stove top espresso pot, you'll never look back. It's mad you go to Costa twice a month but need new glasses. Priorities...
Picnics for day trips and kids in hand me downs is totally normal and acceptable, also far more fulfilling and better for the environment.

You have a hobby, not a viable job. You have two choices - keep doing what you’re doing and accept your financial situation, or find a way to earn more money either by getting a job or finding a way to put your business on a more substantial commercial footing.

Low wage economy OP. It’s not helped by people that view £70k as a high household income. It would have been 15 years ago but not anymore.

Oh lovely, clothes from Tesco and no haircut for two years sounds like a miserable existence. Of course everyone is different and will have things they spend more money and less money on, but I can tell you wish you were able to spend more on yourself.
the 450 a month on a car sounds like a massive drain. Do you need to have such a new model? I’m in an 11 year old Ford - and that’s living in an area where fancy cars abound - but it’s one of those things that is low on my list of priorities.

For the clothes, try H&M, ASOS (especially in the sales), and Vinted - it will be cheaper and you’ll find vastly better quality and style. Supermarket clothing and nowadays most things from Primark aren’t even that cheap, but do look dreadfully cheap, fall apart easily, and will look dated in a year. I’m still wearing 90% of what I owned a year or more ago, with the odd few pieces and bought each season to bring it up to date.

While your business is still taking off, consider a part time cash in hand job to make money just for yourself - in the past I did gardening and takeaway delivering in the evenings - which I loved, and can imagine would be even more enjoyable if it meant some time away from three kids at home!

Not being judgy but a combined income of £70K is roughly twice the median salary which is around £34Kpa. That's little more than 2 teachers after a few years at the lowest scale.

It's not a lot when you have 2 kids.

I have several friends with adult children and most, after uni, are on around £60-£70K each and some on 6-figure incomes.

Basically you have chosen to give up 'work' and rely on a hobby.

If you want more money you need to work for it.

Simple as that.

It's hard to know how you can't see that.

You might be happy pottering around with your hobby/job but it seems self indulgent when it's not providing fully for your family.

The other one that jumps out to me is - can you change your car for electric then change onto a cheap overnight tariff? You would save a lot of the £250 spent on fuel and could use the cheap overnight rate for running the washing machine/dishwasher. If you’re already paying £450pcp I think you could get a lease electric for that cost?

Might be, but even so, may be a cost the current business’ income cannot support?

Personally…life is all about choices, I have also worked for myself with a slightly higher salary than the OP but decided to get back to paid employment because the stress of not knowing if I could have money for the monthly expenses or not knowing if the customers will pay on time in addition to the costs traveling to different places (like petrol and having a reliable car) made me more unhappy than the work made me happy. I just had to put my little family needs above my personal preferences.

70k is simply not enough with 3 kids and a whacking great chunk of a mortgage and car finance.

I’d consider moving house to be mortgage free TBH.

I’d also consider taking a couple of supermarket shifts at the weekend- a friend of mine did a shift in Waitrose on a Saturday morning/ Wednesday night when she re- trained to have a new career and she found it fine and it made quite a difference financially.

I always read on these threads holidays are considered “essentials”, I totally disagree.

I think the HMRC payment is a big thing, that £350 could make a big difference at the end of the month, hopefully you haven’t got to pay that for much longer?

I know it’s hard and we all do it but please don’t compare yourself to others. Some will have family help, others will be drowning in debt, as well as the ones who earn more/save more etc.. you can only do what’s best for you and your family and the kids sound like they’re having a lovely upbringing with caring parents, extra curricular and nice trips to the park, picnics etc.

That’s a very deep conclusion to draw from a brief paragraph. Nothing sad to see here, I work bloody hard, love life and your observation was not at all what that post was meant to convey.