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Original poster

Husband’s compulsion to constantly touch me

137 replies

HairyPeachy · 30/04/2025 21:49

I’ve posted about my husband before and how he constantly wants to touch me no matter what I’m doing. He’s recently developed a strange fixation with my arms. If he’s walking by he will smooth them or has to touch them. Literally no matter what I am doing. Cooking, cleaning, washing up, holding a kettle! He will come up and say that he’s got to touch them, smooth them etc. it’s constant and driving me crazy!

I’ve told him to stop and he says he can’t help it, he loves my arms which is nice obviously but he won’t stop and it’s making me cringe!

Even our teen says - Dad stop! She doesn’t like it and he storms off in a huff saying that he isn’t allowed to touch his own wife etc. Our teen even mentions consent and boundaries etc.

He gropes too…boobs, bum and worse…likes to come up behind me when I’m washing up like we are in some bloody rom com. The arm thing though is weird, he just won’t stop and I can’t stand his touch anymore. It’s weird right?! He won’t leave them alone!

OP posts:
anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 19:04

I’m so so sorry this has happened to you @Muffinmamit is unthinkable that someone can be so cruel. I wish I could say something more useful. You are an incredibly strong person and I understand your fears about leaving if it could mean he has unrestricted access to your child. It’s so unfair and so awful. I really hope something changes, I am willing you on Flowers

MadamCholetsbonnet · 01/05/2025 19:08

Good luck OP. Please stay safe. He sounds absolutely horrible.

unsync · 01/05/2025 19:30

I hope this works out for you @HairyPeachy . Are you just going to go and then tell him once you are gone? It sounds like you've thought it through, but please be very careful.

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 19:47

He owns the house. He bought it before we met.

I don’t have anyone that can help me. It’s not just me I have to look after and I can’t stay with anyone due to my son’s issues.

The songs are so weird. He shouts them so I hear them and wants a reaction. He genuinely gets off on doing it. He tries to get our son involved but most of the time our son tells him to stop. Now our son is getting older he has started doing things just to get a reaction out of him. It’s more than just boredom - he needs to cause distress.

He’s very clearly mentally unwell. But it’s exhausting living with him. It’s making me physically ill with the stress of it.

This week he took something of mine and destroyed it. He then tried to gaslight me that I did it myself and even had me apologise to him for even asking him about it. It was something really important to me. I feel as if a part of me has died and he’s trying to erase who I am.

Please be careful when you leave your husband. It will be the most dangerous time for you.

shuggles · 02/05/2025 23:21

breadpie · 01/05/2025 07:04

Sexual harassment isn't weird? So in essence you are saying it's understandable to grope someone if their arms are soft? Would it be ok to do this to strangers as well? Or just your own wife..?

Show quote history

I didn't say that.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 03/05/2025 15:52

HairyPeachy · 30/04/2025 23:06

I mostly run away from him or make excuses to get away.

Show quote history

Do you see what you are teaching your DC though? That boundaries don't "really" matter if you don't want to honor them. That consent is something that can be ignored.

The fact that you haven't already kicked him to the curb is mind-boggling to me. He has zero respect for you or his family. The fact that he still touches you when you say "No", is all the proof you need.

I feel bad for you that you keep putting up with that behavior, but I feel sorry as hell for your DC to not be given two decent parental figures to look up to and be taught reasonable behavior.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 03/05/2025 15:55

HairyPeachy · 30/04/2025 23:34

Thank you. All the paperwork has gone through for a lovely little property, the house is beautiful and honestly heaven sent, absolutely everything I have dreamed of to start again and live in peace with my children. I am hoping and praying every day that I get it. It’s not in our locality, it’s 3 miles away which isn’t too far for schools etc. I just know that he’s going to be angrier than I’ve ever seen him. I just know he will absolutely hate my guts for leaving him.

Show quote history

So what? Personally, I think he already hates you, since he seems to enjoy not respecting your boundaries and treating you like an object for his abuse.

neilyoungismyhero · 03/05/2025 17:31

QuickFawn · 30/04/2025 21:56

I think I’d develop a fixation for kicking him in the balls every time he touched me 🤷‍♀️
might help him get over his fixation pretty quickly

Think I suggested the same last time

Lorlorlorikeet · 06/06/2025 07:18

@HairyPeachy how are you getting on? Did you manage to escape this man?

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 17:58

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 03:18

Are you buying or renting?

My partner is very much like your DH. It’s constant groping. It’s going so bad I involuntarily shake when he comes near me and often when he hugs me and goes anywhere near my neck I have these involuntary jerky movements because my body is trying to get away from him.

One time we had a family hug with our toddler and he put my breast in his mouth through my t-shirt. It was utterly disgusting. I felt so violated.

If he walks past me he will grab me or poke my bottom or come up behind me and make thrusting movements and moan. Or he will stick his fingers into the sides of my hips. Or he will stand so close behind me to freak me out. Or we’ll be driving and the will lean over and scratch me repeatedly. I hate it. Ignoring doesn’t help. I find myself having to defend myself in my own home.
put my elbow out to create distance - I’ll remove his hand from my body by pulling back one finger.

It’s so awful. He’s abusive in other ways. The things he says to me and the names he calls me are utterly awful. If I use the bathroom to pee he says how much it smells like excrement. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house (he owns the house).

I admire you for having a plan to leave.

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This is truly horrific and also nauseating to read @Muffinmam

this isn’t a partnership

this is you living with an abusive, abhorrent sex pest

Curledup14 · 03/10/2025 18:02

@HairyPeachy how are you these days?

Curledup14 · 03/10/2025 18:04

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 03:18

Are you buying or renting?

My partner is very much like your DH. It’s constant groping. It’s going so bad I involuntarily shake when he comes near me and often when he hugs me and goes anywhere near my neck I have these involuntary jerky movements because my body is trying to get away from him.

One time we had a family hug with our toddler and he put my breast in his mouth through my t-shirt. It was utterly disgusting. I felt so violated.

If he walks past me he will grab me or poke my bottom or come up behind me and make thrusting movements and moan. Or he will stick his fingers into the sides of my hips. Or he will stand so close behind me to freak me out. Or we’ll be driving and the will lean over and scratch me repeatedly. I hate it. Ignoring doesn’t help. I find myself having to defend myself in my own home.
put my elbow out to create distance - I’ll remove his hand from my body by pulling back one finger.

It’s so awful. He’s abusive in other ways. The things he says to me and the names he calls me are utterly awful. If I use the bathroom to pee he says how much it smells like excrement. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house (he owns the house).

I admire you for having a plan to leave.

Show quote history

This is horrific @Muffinmam

you and your child are living in what sounds like a house of horrors with this abuser.

Are you ok these days?

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