Husband’s compulsion to constantly touch me

[HairyPeachy]

I’ve posted about my husband before and how he constantly wants to touch me no matter what I’m doing. He’s recently developed a strange fixation with my arms. If he’s walking by he will smooth them or has to touch them. Literally no matter what I am doing. Cooking, cleaning, washing up, holding a kettle! He will come up and say that he’s got to touch them, smooth them etc. it’s constant and driving me crazy!

I’ve told him to stop and he says he can’t help it, he loves my arms which is nice obviously but he won’t stop and it’s making me cringe!

Even our teen says - Dad stop! She doesn’t like it and he storms off in a huff saying that he isn’t allowed to touch his own wife etc. Our teen even mentions consent and boundaries etc.

He gropes too…boobs, bum and worse…likes to come up behind me when I’m washing up like we are in some bloody rom com. The arm thing though is weird, he just won’t stop and I can’t stand his touch anymore. It’s weird right?! He won’t leave them alone!

The very first words in OP's post are:
I’ve posted about my husband before

And from her updates it's clear she's been acting on the previous advice. She's obviously looking for a bit of validation and support as things are about to get difficult. Could you try that instead of hounding her?

@HairyPeachy
If you get this moved to the Relationships board, you'll get some helpful practical advice on leaving, and support as you do. AIBU tends to get a tad brutal quite often, and what you need is support.

Good on you for leaving. You’re teaching your son the right behaviour around consent and autonomy, and by leaving you’re modelling it. That man sounds very fucked up. Jealous of your son, patting you like you’re a cross between a sex toy and a Labrador. Gross.

How sounds very angry or resentful. He's repeatedly doing something you've asked him not to do because he knows you don't like it.

Are you buying or renting?

My partner is very much like your DH. It’s constant groping. It’s going so bad I involuntarily shake when he comes near me and often when he hugs me and goes anywhere near my neck I have these involuntary jerky movements because my body is trying to get away from him.

One time we had a family hug with our toddler and he put my breast in his mouth through my t-shirt. It was utterly disgusting. I felt so violated.

If he walks past me he will grab me or poke my bottom or come up behind me and make thrusting movements and moan. Or he will stick his fingers into the sides of my hips. Or he will stand so close behind me to freak me out. Or we’ll be driving and the will lean over and scratch me repeatedly. I hate it. Ignoring doesn’t help. I find myself having to defend myself in my own home.
put my elbow out to create distance - I’ll remove his hand from my body by pulling back one finger.

It’s so awful. He’s abusive in other ways. The things he says to me and the names he calls me are utterly awful. If I use the bathroom to pee he says how much it smells like excrement. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house (he owns the house).

I admire you for having a plan to leave.

It’s because there’s plenty of women with similar husbands/partners 🙁

I remember your other thread. To be brutally honest @HairyPeachy in your shoes I would tell him to fucking fuck off. I would be really really nasty about it, so much so that he would stop. Find your inner bollocks and deal with this.

Just read the update. Well done and good luck with everything.

You've secured another house to move to but failed to mention this in your OP?

Something very weird going on on MN tonight! Has the site been hacked or something?

Nothing is definite yet, I can’t say anything until I know for sure. I’ve been planning to leave in secret as it’s safer.

Sorry, I read that as failed to mention that to OH not OP.

Well done turning your plans into reality! I hope you and your children get the chance to thrive and your new safe and loving home.

Erm, it sounds like DS was correct to call your creepy husband a mong. Why are you defending your husband? Your daughter is already defending you to your DH by calling out the inappropriate touching your DH is continuing to do to you without your consent.

You are sending s message to your DC that is damaging and not protecting them.

Grow up, put your creepy DH in his place and be a positive example for your children by showing you set boundaries.

What are you scared of thst you continue to put up with an abusive husband?

Moaning about him js changing nothing. You're messing up your DCs lives by allowing DH behaviour to continue.

Get some balls, kick him in his and LTB. He's an abusive pos.

Good luck op. In your op you sounded confused. I presume he had invaded your space for years and overstepped hugely. I saw a man in a supermarket recently groping his wife’s crotch as she leaned over. She was shocked and he didn’t care. I nearly shouted at him for her. It made me wonder what goes on in private. Your new home will be a relief to have your own space I expect.

Is this a new behaviour?
please don’t be offended but… could he be seeing someone else? I only ask this because I didn’t realise my husband was cheating but he was doing stuff out of character,

Don’t ask. Tell.

Honestly op he sounds absolutely vile. Your children will thank you.

This man is a vile abuser.

He thinks you are his property.

Leave him before he totally fucks up your kids. They are your priority here.

If you are leaving that is fab news, but like other peeps on here was surprised you didn't mention it originally, just seemed odd the way opening and follow up posts were written until the reveal.

Strange not to mention you’re leaving him but glad you’re taking the advice every single person gave you last time you posted this same thing.

You've told him you don't want him to. You've told him not to. He's not respecting you. That's awful. I'd be angry.

Sexual harassment isn't weird? So in essence you are saying it's understandable to grope someone if their arms are soft? Would it be ok to do this to strangers as well? Or just your own wife..?

Thanks. I'll stop watching this one now. Unfortunately, I doubt if it's real. And even if it is, OP obviously isn't acting on the advice given. I hope she's ok.

He would get a nasty surprise if he tried it with me………..for some odd reason I create a lot of static and my OH always gets a jolt if he gets too near.

Dear God OP I'm so glad you are making plans to escape.

Please consider speaking to Women's Rescue. This man is entitled beyond belief and profoundly unstable, I suspect.

Please don't underestimate what he's capable of. You speak of his rage and it's frightening even just to read.

Just read your previous post from January. Considering you're on a career break to care for your DC, and weren't originally planning to leave until you return to work next year, you've done well to secure a new property of your own so quickly. I hope it all turns out ok.

Ask him if he realises he’s teaching his daughter that females don’t own the rights to their own bodies.