Page 5 | Husband’s compulsion to constantly touch me

HairyPeachy · 2025-04-30T20:49:32+00:00

I’ve posted about my husband before and how he constantly wants to touch me no matter what I’m doing. He’s recently developed a strange fixation with my arms. If he’s walking by he will smooth them or has to touch them. Literally no matter what I am doing. Cooking, cleaning, washing up, holding a kettle! He will come up and say that he’s got to touch them, smooth them etc. it’s constant and driving me crazy! I’ve told him to stop and he says he can’t help it, he loves my arms which is nice obviously but he won’t stop and it’s making me cringe! Even our teen says - Dad stop! She doesn’t like it and he storms off in a huff saying that he isn’t allowed to touch his own wife etc. Our teen even mentions consent and boundaries etc. He gropes too…boobs, bum and worse…likes to come up behind me when I’m washing up like we are in some bloody rom com. The arm thing though is weird, he just won’t stop and I can’t stand his touch anymore. It’s weird right?! He won’t leave them alone!

Manwhoknowsmumsknow · 01/05/2025 07:41

Is this new? Is he well? (Some medical issues can send people strange).

Sounds like he should be doing more household chores and less groping. He's not acting respectfully or responsibly. If everything else in your relationship is good try talking. If not make plans as he sounds selfish and a complete dork. I like touching my wife but I only do it if I think it might be appreciated. Otherwise I don't as it would be annoying. Ditto when she touches me.

The getting beyond gentle a welcomed touching sounds controlling and creepy to me.

Good luck.

anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 07:47

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 03:18

Are you buying or renting?

My partner is very much like your DH. It’s constant groping. It’s going so bad I involuntarily shake when he comes near me and often when he hugs me and goes anywhere near my neck I have these involuntary jerky movements because my body is trying to get away from him.

One time we had a family hug with our toddler and he put my breast in his mouth through my t-shirt. It was utterly disgusting. I felt so violated.

If he walks past me he will grab me or poke my bottom or come up behind me and make thrusting movements and moan. Or he will stick his fingers into the sides of my hips. Or he will stand so close behind me to freak me out. Or we’ll be driving and the will lean over and scratch me repeatedly. I hate it. Ignoring doesn’t help. I find myself having to defend myself in my own home.
put my elbow out to create distance - I’ll remove his hand from my body by pulling back one finger.

It’s so awful. He’s abusive in other ways. The things he says to me and the names he calls me are utterly awful. If I use the bathroom to pee he says how much it smells like excrement. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house (he owns the house).

I admire you for having a plan to leave.

Show quote history

You’re being horrifically abused. Your husband’s behaviour meets the threshold of a number of crimes. He is committing crimes against you.

Your children growing up witnessing this dynamic is hugely damaging and unfair on them.

Please consider contacting Women’s Aid. You say you admire OP for having a plan to leave. You can make one too, with the help of professionals like them.

The long you stay in this relationship, the more likely it is that your children will replicate this dynamic themselves as adults and be either abused or abusers themselves.

Don’t let that be your legacy.

KidsDoBetter · 01/05/2025 07:50

IamSmarticus · 30/04/2025 22:02

I was thinking exactly the same!

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Why has this been posted again almost word for word???

WalkingWavy · 01/05/2025 07:50

My DP cannot walk past me without touching me in some way. I find it quite annoying but it’s just his love language and I like that he still wants to do that after all these years

EdithBond · 01/05/2025 07:56

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 03:18

Are you buying or renting?

My partner is very much like your DH. It’s constant groping. It’s going so bad I involuntarily shake when he comes near me and often when he hugs me and goes anywhere near my neck I have these involuntary jerky movements because my body is trying to get away from him.

One time we had a family hug with our toddler and he put my breast in his mouth through my t-shirt. It was utterly disgusting. I felt so violated.

If he walks past me he will grab me or poke my bottom or come up behind me and make thrusting movements and moan. Or he will stick his fingers into the sides of my hips. Or he will stand so close behind me to freak me out. Or we’ll be driving and the will lean over and scratch me repeatedly. I hate it. Ignoring doesn’t help. I find myself having to defend myself in my own home.
put my elbow out to create distance - I’ll remove his hand from my body by pulling back one finger.

It’s so awful. He’s abusive in other ways. The things he says to me and the names he calls me are utterly awful. If I use the bathroom to pee he says how much it smells like excrement. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house (he owns the house).

I admire you for having a plan to leave.

Show quote history

Hi @Muffinmam that’s completely disrespectful and, if you’ve made it clear you don’t agree to it or like it, it’s sexual assault.

Have you contacted a domestic abuse charity? Really recommend you do that as a first step. If you’re in England or Wales and have a child, you have a right to suitable accommodation. Speak to the council housing options teams, ask to speak to a woman and tell her about the domestic abuse. They’ll help you.

Sending strength.

CiaoMeow · 01/05/2025 08:32

Sorry, OP, I think you're being very unreasonable because you're posting to check if his behaviour is unreasonable in the full knowledge that his behaviour is massively out of order. So much so, that you're a month, or even less, away from leaving him and moving to a new house. The marriage is dead and buried in your mind already so what's the point of the initial post?

Idontgiveashitanymore · 01/05/2025 08:34

Maybe have him checked out for a neurological condition?
some people can have these inhibitions with a frontal lobe problem. Not trying to scare but some people don’t know they are doing it .

LemonLimeOrangeKiwi · 01/05/2025 08:55

I swear this has been posted on here before.

Sparkletastic · 01/05/2025 08:55

What are you hoping to achieve from this thread that you didn’t get last time you posted?

Apreslapluielesoleil · 01/05/2025 08:58

He sounds very unstable and I totally understand your need to leave secretly. I had to and the last few months were definitely the worst.
Have you spoken to Women’s Aid? They might have safety tips you’ve not thought of. They can also advise you on your legal rights, strategies you can use to stay safe after you’ve left.
It’s horrible having to stay quiet for your own safety, I wanted to punch his lights out but knew anything I did put me in danger.
Plan carefully, stay safe and I hope you and yoyr dc can leave soon.

anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 09:13

Idontgiveashitanymore · 01/05/2025 08:34

Maybe have him checked out for a neurological condition?
some people can have these inhibitions with a frontal lobe problem. Not trying to scare but some people don’t know they are doing it .

Except he does know he does it. Because he says he ‘can’t help it’ and moans about his wife not liking him having unrestricted access to her body 24/7.

He absolutely knows. He just doesn’t care that she doesn’t like it.

So he continues to regularly sexually assault her.

Malagase · 01/05/2025 09:28

Besure to contact 101 to tell them you are fleeing domestic abuse or he might report you missing.

His constant groping you is sexual abuse.
He does it in front of your children so he is emotionally and sexually abusing them too.

He sounds absolutely vile.

Call Womens aid for advice.
Leaving is a dangerous time so they will have advice.

Your poor children witnessing his awful behaviour.

Allthegoodhorses · 01/05/2025 09:30

IamSmarticus · 30/04/2025 22:02

I was thinking exactly the same!

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It’s the first line of the OP..

katepilar · 01/05/2025 10:43

Hi OP, please ignore the "why are you allowing this" type of comments. Its very easy to think one would immediately know what to do and how to react after the normal saying No doesnt work. Yes, we all would like to be able to solve situations like this yet in real life we dont. Its not easy in any case and living with people like this leaves one scarred.
I have noticed in your PP that you are planning to leave. I take it there is perhaps even more issues and it going on for a long time. No wonder you are questionning stuff that with a clear head and with distance shouldnt be a question.
Good luck!

mbosnz · 01/05/2025 10:49

If holding the kettle, pour some of the water over him. Or drop it on his toe. If he gropes you from behind, back kick him like a mule. If he gropes you from the front, knee him in the balls, after having brought your arms up hard and fast to release your arms from his.

'His own wife' equals 'HER own person'. He can go grope himself, or rub his own arms for tactile affirmation.

SamDeanCas · 01/05/2025 12:38

I remember reading your previous post about him and thought him vile then, my opinion has just got worse after what you’ve told us about his behaviour towards your dc.

Great news about your potential house. Onwards and upwards

Lorlorlorikeet · 01/05/2025 13:21

KidsDoBetter · 01/05/2025 07:50

Why has this been posted again almost word for word???

Show quote history

I linked to the previous thread. It was the term ‘smoothing’ her arm that reminded me.

Lorlorlorikeet · 01/05/2025 13:22

@Muffinmam I wish very much that you get free of that horrific abuse.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 01/05/2025 14:39

anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 09:13

Except he does know he does it. Because he says he ‘can’t help it’ and moans about his wife not liking him having unrestricted access to her body 24/7.

He absolutely knows. He just doesn’t care that she doesn’t like it.

So he continues to regularly sexually assault her.

Show quote history

I’m not saying he’s not a total prick for doing what he’s doing to her , I’m just saying that as someone who works with brain injuries other reasons can be possible .

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:54

anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 07:47

You’re being horrifically abused. Your husband’s behaviour meets the threshold of a number of crimes. He is committing crimes against you.

Your children growing up witnessing this dynamic is hugely damaging and unfair on them.

Please consider contacting Women’s Aid. You say you admire OP for having a plan to leave. You can make one too, with the help of professionals like them.

The long you stay in this relationship, the more likely it is that your children will replicate this dynamic themselves as adults and be either abused or abusers themselves.

Don’t let that be your legacy.

Show quote history

There is a severe housing crisis in my city. People with jobs are living in their cars. I don’t own any property.

My child has severe special needs. Leaving would mean I can’t take my child to therapy and means I would need to be working all the time.

I have a background in family law. I may get a small amount of money if I leave. But it will cost me to try and recover it. I don’t have the financial resources to fight for custody. So also know the Courts will give him supervised custody and eventually he will get 50% custody.

I don’t trust him with our child. Our child wouldn’t be safe. I know that. Currently I get all of his rage. But if I’m not their it will transfer to our child. Anything can set him off. The psychological abuse is far worse than the physical abuse. And the singing - he walks around the house singing crude and disgusting songs about me.

I told him to stop grabbing my breasts today and he literally screamed at me - told me to shut up and get out of his house.

The Police know about some of the abuse. I’ve called them to the house in the past. My GP knows, my child health worker knows. There is no help in my city. There’s nowhere for me to go.

This is why I admire the OP for being able to leave.

Lorlorlorikeet · 01/05/2025 17:57

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:54

There is a severe housing crisis in my city. People with jobs are living in their cars. I don’t own any property.

My child has severe special needs. Leaving would mean I can’t take my child to therapy and means I would need to be working all the time.

I have a background in family law. I may get a small amount of money if I leave. But it will cost me to try and recover it. I don’t have the financial resources to fight for custody. So also know the Courts will give him supervised custody and eventually he will get 50% custody.

I don’t trust him with our child. Our child wouldn’t be safe. I know that. Currently I get all of his rage. But if I’m not their it will transfer to our child. Anything can set him off. The psychological abuse is far worse than the physical abuse. And the singing - he walks around the house singing crude and disgusting songs about me.

I told him to stop grabbing my breasts today and he literally screamed at me - told me to shut up and get out of his house.

The Police know about some of the abuse. I’ve called them to the house in the past. My GP knows, my child health worker knows. There is no help in my city. There’s nowhere for me to go.

This is why I admire the OP for being able to leave.

Show quote history

You poor woman. I send you strength and resilience. I’m just so sorry that evil cunt if a man is destroying your one life. My heart truly breaks for you and I hope he meets a catastrophic end.

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:57

EdithBond · 01/05/2025 07:56

Hi @Muffinmam that’s completely disrespectful and, if you’ve made it clear you don’t agree to it or like it, it’s sexual assault.

Have you contacted a domestic abuse charity? Really recommend you do that as a first step. If you’re in England or Wales and have a child, you have a right to suitable accommodation. Speak to the council housing options teams, ask to speak to a woman and tell her about the domestic abuse. They’ll help you.

Sending strength.

Show quote history

In not in the UK. There aren’t resources where I live. I’ve reached out for help already. The Police asked if I have anywhere else to go and I said I didn’t and that was the end of that conversation.

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2025 17:58

Are you renting or do you own your own home? Can you contact a friend or family member for RL support?

Original poster

HairyPeachy · 01/05/2025 18:44

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:54

There is a severe housing crisis in my city. People with jobs are living in their cars. I don’t own any property.

My child has severe special needs. Leaving would mean I can’t take my child to therapy and means I would need to be working all the time.

I have a background in family law. I may get a small amount of money if I leave. But it will cost me to try and recover it. I don’t have the financial resources to fight for custody. So also know the Courts will give him supervised custody and eventually he will get 50% custody.

I don’t trust him with our child. Our child wouldn’t be safe. I know that. Currently I get all of his rage. But if I’m not their it will transfer to our child. Anything can set him off. The psychological abuse is far worse than the physical abuse. And the singing - he walks around the house singing crude and disgusting songs about me.

I told him to stop grabbing my breasts today and he literally screamed at me - told me to shut up and get out of his house.

The Police know about some of the abuse. I’ve called them to the house in the past. My GP knows, my child health worker knows. There is no help in my city. There’s nowhere for me to go.

This is why I admire the OP for being able to leave.

Show quote history

I’m so so sorry you are going through this. He sounds absolutely vile and disgusting. In your first comment I relate to so much of what you have mentioned-the name calling, threats, everything. I’m so sorry you are stuck. I also have a severely disabled child so I understand how hard it is to leave and put together a plan. Do you own your home together? Do you have any friends or family who could support you? Even the crude, vile songs he sings, my husband has done the same! It’s vile.

OP posts:

Original poster

HairyPeachy · 01/05/2025 18:46

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2025 17:58

Are you renting or do you own your own home? Can you contact a friend or family member for RL support?

We are renting, no mortgage so it’ll be simpler to leave. One friend knows about the situation, I don’t want to tell many people as it might filter back to H that I’m planning to leave. Dreading telling my parents when I’ve left!

OP posts: