Husband’s compulsion to constantly touch me

[HairyPeachy]

I’ve posted about my husband before and how he constantly wants to touch me no matter what I’m doing. He’s recently developed a strange fixation with my arms. If he’s walking by he will smooth them or has to touch them. Literally no matter what I am doing. Cooking, cleaning, washing up, holding a kettle! He will come up and say that he’s got to touch them, smooth them etc. it’s constant and driving me crazy!

I’ve told him to stop and he says he can’t help it, he loves my arms which is nice obviously but he won’t stop and it’s making me cringe!

Even our teen says - Dad stop! She doesn’t like it and he storms off in a huff saying that he isn’t allowed to touch his own wife etc. Our teen even mentions consent and boundaries etc.

He gropes too…boobs, bum and worse…likes to come up behind me when I’m washing up like we are in some bloody rom com. The arm thing though is weird, he just won’t stop and I can’t stand his touch anymore. It’s weird right?! He won’t leave them alone!

Literally the first sentence of her OP.

You have told him not to do it until you're blue in the face and he has not stopped. I think you're only choices now are tell him that he needs to go and see the GP about his uncontrollable compulsion - he needs psychiatric help. Or leave.

It's worrying that your own teen is having to call her dad out on this groping behaviour. That he sulks as a result is desperate. I can't imagine my dh doing this or even worse infront of my children.
I would not stay with someone who does this repeatedly.

It's assault. I'd be tempted to slap him across the chops if he refused to respect boundaries.

Not sure I could continue living with such a selfish fuckwit.

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself slapping him in the face I’m afraid.
He doesn’t care that you don’t like it
He sees you as his property and that he has the right to do what he wants
The old phrase “ conjugal rights” come to mind when rape was legal within marriage
He won’t change, so you can choose to leave or not.
I would

The groping I get, but the obsession with arms and smoothing them? Is he a serial kille fantasising about removing your skin and making a coat out of it ? How bizarre.

I'd find that absolutely unbearable. It's almost like he's using you to self soothe as well as sexually. I'd lash out. No, it's not acceptable, but it would make me so claustrophobic and my skin would crawl and I'd panic.
It would be a deal breaker for me. You've told him, your kid has told him and he still does it. No more chances.

he storms off in a huff saying that he isn’t allowed to touch his own wife

Exactly, he's got it. Its not a right, he's not entitled to touch his own wife if she doesn't want touching.
Which op doesn't.

It's not just weird, it's disrespectful and selfish.

Constantly being groped when you don't want to be groped is disgusting and degrading.

He seems you as an object.

How much more of it can you take??

Literally the first line

Is your husband Purple Aki?
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Aki

🤣

I don't know how useful it is to point out to you that it's sexual assault. It seems, from your posts, that even though you don't like it and have told him "no", you aren't horrified that he continues. It's something you'd find utterly dehumanizing from anyone else, isn't it? He doesn't just continue but has made it clear he thinks he has a right to continue regardless of how much you like or dislike it and that you and his DD are being awful to him if you chastise him for it. But you talk about it as though he's just a bit forgetful about the fact you hate this.

Even if you take away the criminal aspect - if you pretended this was really about him switching the bathroom light off when you're in there or something. And he continued to do it, knowing you hate it and made it clear he thinks he has a right to put you in darkness even when you don't want be - if it was something like that you'd see the attitude for the disrespect it is wouldn't you? For it's lack of consideration of you as a human. It's arrogance and dominance.

Why is it you don't see this as so horrendous? What is it about him groping you when you've asked him not that doesn't scream abuse at you?

Why do you let your DD see this as acceptable to you? Why do you put her in a position where she feels forced to defend you from him?

If he comes up behind you, stamp hard on his toes with your heel if he touches you.
Full frontal - knee him in the groin.

This is sexual abuse. You have the right to defend yourself. If you want this to stop, he needs to experience direct and very unpleasant consequences.

Also, why are you working in the kitchen while he moons around with nothing to do?

Does your kitchen have a door and can you get a lock fitted so you can at least cook in peace?

Agree.

I think a short, sharp reminder that you are in fact a separate and completely alive and real human being is in order here. He clearly sees you as a convenient warm body he can do as he pleases with.

There is no way I could continue a relationship with a man like this. He is completely ignoring your lack of consent . The comment about having the “ right” to touch his wife is so misogynistic and abusive. And I would be very worried about the effect it’s having on your DD.
What are you actually doing to stop this from happening. I hate confrontation but would be absolutely furious with my dh if he behaved like this . He would be left in no doubt about the consequences of acting in this way
I

Why are you posting again? Are you expecting different answers?

Thanks for everyone who’s replied so far. He doesn’t respect my boundaries at all. He’s also been vile to DS this evening although DS wasn’t innocent either - DS called DH a mong (he was in the wrong I know) DH’s response was horrible. He said fuck you to DS, stormed out of his room and (long story but DS dislikes sleeping in his room at the moment, SN child and DH was staying with him) DH then called DS a fucking wimp - go on you fucking wimp, you are on your own you fucking wimp etc. Come on big boy etc. His reaction was awful. Obviously I know that DS shouldn’t have called him a mong. He was so vile to him.

Sorry, went off on a tangent but he was bloody horrible.

I mostly run away from him or make excuses to get away.

I’m pretty sure we all told you before, this is abusive and it’s control. It’s very, very sinister.

I’m sure you included some really, really concerning details in your last thread.

Your child is feeling uncomfortable in their own home.
I’m pretty sure adults being overly sexual, saying inappropriate sexual things infront of kids/teens is some kind of abuse. It’s very scarring.
I have horrible, disturbing memories of my own father licking his lips and my mother in a sexual way. And saying inappropriate things regarding sex with her. Absolutely disgraceful- we are low contact now, not because of this, but it didn’t help.

And the storming off… emotional blackmail.

What do you feel like your options are here?
You’re right to find this horrible.
Whats the solution though ..

What do you want from this thread that you haven’t got from your previous threads? Don’t expect people to say he’s not a repulsive sounding weirdo?

you’ve posted multiple times about him. Are you just venting or do you actually want to do something?

edited to add - I now recognise all this and I remember you slowly drip feed more and more outlandish stuff that he apparently does

sounds a strange dynamic all round

Was he weird and creepy and vile before you got married?

Anyone who keeps touching you in any way when you’ve told them not to is an utter shitbag. He KNOWS you hate it and he keeps doing it because he thinks he owns you and doesn’t let you have bodily autonomy. Grim that he does it in front of the kids.

It’s particularly worrying that he gropes you sexually when you don’t like or want it.

I’m fairly affectionate with my partner and I would say pretty relaxed about being touched by him (although not by anyone else) but I would I detest what you’re describing. It’s making me feel suffocated and claustrophobic just reading about it.

I think at this point I would thinking about leaving him, but if not I would be way, way beyond “Oh, stop it, I don’t like it” and would be yelling “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME” in his face.

I'm not sure what anyone can say that hasn't been said in your last thread.

This isn't acceptable treatment for the dogs in our household much less a human. Seriously, my 4 year-old knows better than to treat a labrador the way your husband is treating you.

You need to understand that this adult man likes that he's touching you in ways that upset you. It brings him pleasure to watch you be uncomfortable and squirm away but ultimately submit to what he wants to do to your body. Explaining over and over how much this upsets you or why you don't like it and asking him to please stop is counterproductive; what you need to decide and communicate to him now is what you will do if he chooses to continue this behavior.