AIBU to be annoyed neighbour put spikes on the fence?

[SunnyLuny]

We’ve lived in this house for nearly 5 years. At first neighbour was very welcoming and friendly. She’s an older lady (late 60s?) who lives on her own. She used to be lovely to our children. The past 3 years though shes just completely changed. She stopped talking to us, actively avoids us and blanks us. If we smile and say hello when we see her she looks down and pretends we aren’t speaking to her. It’s so bizarre. The only thing that has changed is we got a cat. He is an outdoor cat and admittedly probably does go into her garden.

Today she’s been hammering spikes into the fence! No warning or conversation. Infact whenever we go outside she runs into her greenhouse to hide until we go back in! I think this is so passive aggressive and I’m actually upset that she seems to think she can’t even approach us. We’ve always been friendly. She’s never spoken to us about the cat bothering her. I probably wouldn’t be bothered about the spikes if she had told us beforehand or said she had an issue with the cat. DP thinks I should go speak to her and just ask what’s going on but my parents think I should just ignore it. Aibu if I say something?

You've know for three years things had changed with the neighbour since you got the cat. If that's what you're going to do why haven't you already done ?

She probably thinks there's little point speaking to neighbours who will knowingly let their cat roam and mess in her garden. I mean, come on, of course you knew.

It will be the cat using her garden as a toilet, I like cats but there used to be one that used my back yard to shit in and it was vile, sitting there relaxing and suddenly you catch a foul whiff. Cleaning it up used to make me gag

I’m afraid you are in the wrong here, sorry.

Did you talk to her before you got an outdoor cat?

Amd yet you've never asked her what's wrong? Because you know full well what's wrong?

I mean if she’s a little old lady living alone? she probably doesn’t want any drama by confronting you about your shitting cat. You only have to see some threads on here where people think pets are better and more welcome then children. So an adult child? Or friend has put spikes up for her.

Well she loved the cat at first, she even helped me find him when he ran out as a kitten. I’ve tried for the past 3 years to speak to her but she won’t even look at me. I didn’t know there was a problem because she hasn’t told me.

I don’t think the OPs being unreasonable to wonder why the neighbour has taken the approach she has, rather than speaking to the OP about it.

I’ve tried, she won’t even look at me when I try interact with her.

It’s best left imo

but……why, if you DP thinks someone should speak to her, does he propose to assign the somewhat uncomfortable discussion to you?
You are not his staff!!

You said it's going into her garden but you won't keep it indoors, so what would you have done?

She sized you up as an inconsiderate clod and decided to wash her hands of you, and now she is taking steps to protect her plants & birds, and keep cats and catshit out. What's it to you?

Have you approached her directly and apologised for your cat?

Thank you, I genuinely don’t have an issue with her taking measures. It’s the way she’s gone about it by blanking me for 3 years.

The thing is, most cat owners would just say the cat has a right to roam and shrug their shoulders. It’s obvious that an outdoor cat will be a nuisance to neighbours but how many people actually bother to cat proof their garden before getting one? It’s ridiculous that people can choose to own a pet and not be accountable for the inconvenience and damage it causes.

She's entitled to put spikes on her fence. She doesnt want to speak to you so just ignore her.

If your cat is pooing in her garden then she knows you can't really stop it, so she's taking her own measures rather than getting into confrontation.

Just accept that she's no longer friendly and don't have any contact with her.

Sorry OP but if you lived next door to me I would be doing exactly the same as your neighbour with regard to keeping your cat off my garden! There is nothing worse than working in your own garden and either standing in or putting your hand in cat poo! It carries disease and stinks!

Presumably then there were lots of opportunities before you got the cat to say "hi neighbour we're getting a cat, if it becomes a nuisance in your garden as they so often do let me know".

But you didn't.

She's decided to grey rock you, and I don't blame her.

Some neighbours here next door let their dogs shit on my front garden every day, regardless of requests from me and the people on the other side to leash them. They also put up a basketball net about eight feet from my living room windows, several years ago. The noise was to the point I couldn't hear my own televsion or audiobooks. They knew it and didn't care. It was as though I didn't exist. What they and their kids wanted was priority.

I never spoke to them again or acknowledged their existence. The husband tried to talk with me a few times and I just walked away. Thankfully everyone else hated them too, and they finally moved.

One reaps what one sows.

I haven’t, but I absolutely would be willing to. As I’ve said 100 times I WANT to talk to her about it. But every time I go near her she either runs back indoors or acts like she can’t hear me.

I am actually planning the rollers for my garden. I love cats, but they don't even come for a cuddle. Just shit, trample over things when quickly fucking off. Would probably be more forgiving if they were friendlier.
It can also get really ridiculous when you have few cats trying to claim your garden sadly

Did you tell her warn her you were getting a "garden destroying shit machine". Looks like she's just matching your silence.

It didn't come out of nowhere it came out of the introduction of the cat which she clearly doesn't like. It was inevitable the cat would visit her garden, but you didn't give it consideration at the time

Send a card perhaps?

Preferably not a feline-themed one.

I think comparing me to that is a bit extreme, you don’t even know me. I’m not an antisocial hooligan terrorising her 🙄

You're bothered and now irritated with her that she won't just raise the issue with you, but you are also an adult who could also just raise the issue with her. You're the one who brought in the source of the issue. She's wound up about the cat, obviously (given the spikes) but doesn't want the confrontation about it. Maybe she feels outnumbered, given that there's two of you and she lives alone. Honestly she might also just be resigned to the shitting cat, given that they have right to roam in this country and there's nothing she can do about it.

If it is definitely your fence, take the spikes down if they pose an actual threat to your cat, and replace with a suitable cat proofing option.

If it is not your fence, still put up a sensible cat proofing option.

Safe cat spikes tend not to be effective - rollers or netting (put up by you!) are - dangerous cat spikes (ie close together and actually sharp) can cause injury to an unsuspecting cat and are not appropriate, regardless of whose fence it is (similarly you can't stick up broken glass or razor wire on a shared boundary or a boundary to which the public have access to and the legal methods like anti-vandal paint or electric fencing must have warning signs every few metres).

She is a dick for not speaking to you and just asking you to put up something to stop the cat coming across to her garden. But if you know your cat wanders and likely shits in others gardens, you're also a dick for not pre-empting this.