AIBU to be annoyed neighbour put spikes on the fence?

[SunnyLuny]

We’ve lived in this house for nearly 5 years. At first neighbour was very welcoming and friendly. She’s an older lady (late 60s?) who lives on her own. She used to be lovely to our children. The past 3 years though shes just completely changed. She stopped talking to us, actively avoids us and blanks us. If we smile and say hello when we see her she looks down and pretends we aren’t speaking to her. It’s so bizarre. The only thing that has changed is we got a cat. He is an outdoor cat and admittedly probably does go into her garden.

Today she’s been hammering spikes into the fence! No warning or conversation. Infact whenever we go outside she runs into her greenhouse to hide until we go back in! I think this is so passive aggressive and I’m actually upset that she seems to think she can’t even approach us. We’ve always been friendly. She’s never spoken to us about the cat bothering her. I probably wouldn’t be bothered about the spikes if she had told us beforehand or said she had an issue with the cat. DP thinks I should go speak to her and just ask what’s going on but my parents think I should just ignore it. Aibu if I say something?

Some people really hate cats! It might be nothing to do with your cats, my next door neighbour is an elderly lady she was talking about putting broken glass on top of her wall because she's frightened of burglars. We helped her put a security light outside and contact alarms on her doors and windows downstairs

Which is completely fair. I would be incredibly annoyed.

Yes - also, maybe the neighbour is immunocompromised and worried about toxoplasmosis

I will put up cat proofing measures and send her a card. I am neurodivergent and struggle “reading between the lines” which is why I really would have benefitted from a conversation. Sorry but no unless she told me the cat was shitting there and it was annoying her I wouldn’t have put the pieces together.

I’m not making excuses for my cat, I know cat shit is annoying as hell. When we first got him she was lovely to him and affectionate. I don’t mind the measures, I don’t mind her being pissed. But if she had told me I could have fixed this years ago! I can’t know there’s an issue if I’m not told about it. I’ve tried to talk to her and tried to interact but she completely blanks me.

We tried dropping hints re. a neighbour's cat, no hint taken and it shit everywhere, which caused an issue for children playing. So spikes, water pistol used and it even killed a nest of chick's, so I think we were gentle in comparison.

Cats have a right to roam.

Not in my garden they don't.

However, OP, everyone has, quite reasonably, gone down the cat avenue, so I will offer some other thoughts. I notice you have children, who will now be older. Are they causing noise, thumps and bangs through the wall, do they hang about or play in the street in an antisocial manner? Are there parking issues in your street? Do you have a DP who is a bit of a nob? Do you walk across her drive, put your bins out in an unthinking matter, come home late and shout at each other?

I merely ask these things because you do give the impression of being a bit, um, unobservant?

Could it be the case that there is another cause/ a number of causes for your neighbour's dissatisfaction, and the cat is just the final straw?

Time for some quiet and honest reflection maybe, try and put yourself in her shoes. If there is genuinely nothing, then it's probably the cat, but it's well worth thinking about it before speaking to her.

Otherwise, maybe she has other difficult stuff going on in her life.

Just a thought.

I’d pop a note though in that case. Just letting her know you’re going to be cat proofing to keep him:her in your garden. It might make ways to smoothing over.

Are you okay? I’ve never once opposed the cat proofing?

Hey OP, massive cat fan here, mine live their best life with large mouse holes in MY fences to facilitate their travels.

whose fence is it? Are they really shared, maybe a shared boundary but owned by one side or the other?.

if she put them on your fence, tell her to get them off immediately or you will seek legal advice.

If it’s hers, don’t worry, cats will find an alternative route. They are so clever and superior to lots of other animals and your neighbour.

my cats don’t destroy my neighbours gardens, they come inside to shit in the litter tray then go back out, they just prowl around, and sit in bushes.

I know you have tried to talk to her, but realistically what can be said to resolve the situation (if the cat is indeed shitting in her garden, which is likely)? You aren’t going to get rid of the cat and you can’t control the cat’s behaviour outside. Cats are a source of significant neighbour issues. I have a neighbour whose cat shat in surrounding gardens - one neighbour was so angry that put the shit on the owner’s doorstep every time. Cats are quite an antisocial pet to keep if you are in an area where housing is quite dense/lots of smaller gardens because they simply will shit in people’s gardens and nobody wants to pick cat shit up - particularly if they are growing stuff to eat. You do have to accept the possibility of bad neighbour relations if you get a cat.

The spikes are designed not to injure cats, just to try to stop them coming into her garden. I have cat spikes as I got really pissed off having to cat shit pick (gross) my garden before I could let my kids out. It really used to annoy me and I definitely thought my neighbour was selfish for getting a cat in this type of area (new build estate, houses and small gardens packed in like sardines).

I understand the frustration but it’s not the fault of the owner. Cats roam by nature & I’m more irritated by barking dogs which can be controlled

Maybe it's because as she's got older she takes alot of pleasure in feeding birds & watching them in her garden. This time of year there's tiny fledglings making an appearance at the feeder.

I'm guessing she's watched your cat destroy that.

If she's looking very down & avoiding eye contact etc there's probably a lot more going on for her. You've not approached her to ask her & she probably doesn't want to cause conflict or stress by approaching you.

Spikes on the fence sounds sensible.

Our houses aren’t attached so I don’t think there’s any noises. My children are only 1 and 6 so don’t play out much. We’re mostly indoor people. We don’t have drives. We genuinely keep to ourselves. Our property is clean and maintained. Every time we see her we smile and say hello.

I’ll deal with the cat issue and see if it improves things.

I’m all in favour of people going to measures to keep cats out but falling out with neighbours because their cat roams is ridiculous. What do people honestly expect cat owners to do; it’s a natural cat behaviour to roam

if she put them on your fence, tell her to get them off immediately or you will seek legal advice.

The simple answer will be no, leading to costly legal action which is unlikely to be successful.

Maybe she is struggling too.

Do you know for a fact that she is not neurodivergent herself - or have other difficulties or disabilities.

You are coming across as very self absorbed & entitled.

In 40 odd years of owning cats, have never found a cat poo in or around my garden! Not sure where all these comments about cats toileting in the open is coming from. They traditionally dig a hole tucked away, poo and cover it up.
Know some just don't like cats in their gardens but that's slightly different.....
She just sounds like she's taken against you and I wouldn't be over happy about spikes going up on a fence....

I’ve watched them shit in my garden. On the lawn.

Totally lack of communication from the neighbour, ignoring you when greeting you isnt going to help you understand whats wrong.

if she cant tell you whats wrong, its hardly your fault you cant read her mind.

what is wrong is putting spikes in a fence without warning https://www.securefencingco.co.uk/can-you-put-spikes-on-your-fence-in-the-uk

😂 She isn’t coming across that way at all. She wants to sort the issue out and for her neighbour not to be upset. Stop making things up.

I think quite a lot of people in these comments are quite hard of thinking.

The OP didn't KNOW there was an issue, because no one told her. If she'd been told, she could have taken her own, safe measures to stop whatever issues there are. Cat owners aren't able to telepathically tell where their cats are choosing to shit.

You're all assuming that the cat shitting in the neighbour's garden is the source of the issue. You don't actually know that, because no one has mentioned anything.

The OP has said the neighbour liked the cat when she first got it, so she was clearly aware of the purchase of the cat.

If this was me, I'd be furious. I will never, ever understand people who want to harm people's pets. Find out first of all whose fence it is. If it's yours, remove the spikes.

If it's not your fence, I'd be writing her a strongly worded letter informing her that if your cat is harmed as a result of the spikes you will be holding her liable for any vet bills. I'd also mention that if she had approached you to let you know there was an issue, you would have taken your own, humane, preventative measures.

Well then if you haven't experienced it, it can't possibly happen.

Am I? For not knowing there’s a problem?

Not have cats, or keep them inside.

It's very unlikely to be a shared fence. A fence usually belongs to one property or the other. If it's her fence then it's not really any of your business.

One reason dogs are far superior to cats is the fact dogs very rarely kill birds. It makes me furious the number of beautiful wild birds that get killed by domestic cats round here. You have to appreciate that anyone who is not you will likely see your cat only as a misanthropic shitting and killing machine...

Given your neighbour's age, it's possible she's become more anxious, or may even have some neurological changes due to Alzheimers. It's not unknown for the elderly to become more wary of confrontation, and change in character quite a bit, often quite fast. This could be a factor.