AIBU to be annoyed neighbour put spikes on the fence?

[SunnyLuny]

We’ve lived in this house for nearly 5 years. At first neighbour was very welcoming and friendly. She’s an older lady (late 60s?) who lives on her own. She used to be lovely to our children. The past 3 years though shes just completely changed. She stopped talking to us, actively avoids us and blanks us. If we smile and say hello when we see her she looks down and pretends we aren’t speaking to her. It’s so bizarre. The only thing that has changed is we got a cat. He is an outdoor cat and admittedly probably does go into her garden.

Today she’s been hammering spikes into the fence! No warning or conversation. Infact whenever we go outside she runs into her greenhouse to hide until we go back in! I think this is so passive aggressive and I’m actually upset that she seems to think she can’t even approach us. We’ve always been friendly. She’s never spoken to us about the cat bothering her. I probably wouldn’t be bothered about the spikes if she had told us beforehand or said she had an issue with the cat. DP thinks I should go speak to her and just ask what’s going on but my parents think I should just ignore it. Aibu if I say something?

You should have cat proofed your garden before you got the cat OP.

I like all the responses haughtily insisting that OP should cat-proof her garden and in fact, should've cat-proofed her garden before she got the cat...as if that's a thing that cat owners in the UK commonly do and is viewed as a social obligation.
It's not...and it's not.
Some of you may think it should be...but cats in the UK generally roam free as standard. How many cat-proofed gardens do you know of? I can think of two. I know a lot more households with cats than two.

If you have a litter tray which he uses and you find a normal amount of cat shit in it then I think it's very unlikely he's crapping all over the neighbour's garden as well. This is just an assumption that PP are making based on their own experiences and dislike of cats.

I have the same, a cat who goes out but prefers his litter tray and I know how much he craps because he has had to be kept indoors for medical reasons before. I know he's doing it in his tray because I'm tidying it up! He doesn't have a magical ability to produce extra shit when he's allowed out compared to when he's confined indoors. OP, you probably know if this also applies to your cat.

It could well be a different cat or yours is doing something else she doesn't like, like nibbling her plants or stalking birds. I would let her know that she had my full support to spray the cat with a water gun or turn the hose on him if he's making a nuisance of himself. But of course she's being silly to just start blanking you! That's not a sensible way to deal with any issue.

My mil doesn't like cats because they scare away the birds. It might be that. Maybe she wants to feed and watch the birds...and she can't because the birds all know there's a cat to avoid.

You changed things by getting a cat which more than likely she doesnt want in her garden. You have already stated you wouldnt have an issue with the spikes if she had asked. So really the only issue is you.

The spikes will help her keep your cat out of her garden. Your car may learn not to go in. Its not the law that neighbours have to speak to each other so whats the issue?

Yep...think I agree with that. She can put the spikes up if she wants. I don't think it's something you should take issue with.

You can do that yourself. We got the supplies from e bay.

OP I would just cat proof your garden and leave her to it.

I certainly wouldn’t be sending her a card or trying to make amends!

She’s a grown woman for Christ sake

Can I suggest an alternative to her having an issue with your cat?

A few years ago during the lockdowns, someone I had previously been friends with started to behave as your neighbour now does - looking down so she wouldn't look me/anyone in the eye, walking past you in the street. I put it down to depression/nervousness about life in lockdown.

It was actually dementia; she was young, mid-fifties, so I hadn't even considered that as a possibility. You say this lady lives alone, so there's nobody there to pick up on behaviour changes. Does she have many visitors, family coming round?

Exactly. The whole roaming cat thing is obsolete in a modern world.

Add in the fucking trampoline placed right near her border and I totally get why she washed her hands of OP.

Off subject a bit, but I put spikes on our fences to attempt to keep our cats in. A day later I found one of them patrolling the perimeter of the garden along the top of the spiked fence, so your cat may do the same……..we ended up having to put proper cat proof fencing in to keep the little darlings safe.

what a great idea , my neighbours cats are the bane of my life , I got a sensor deterrent but but really helping , off to look for spikes now

Which type @SunnyLuny?

Poor mental health or dementia are certainly possibilities but I doubt the OP will be back @WhereYouLeftIt, having committed the three cardinal MN sins, ie owning a free range cat, having a trampoline and admitting that her child throws balls in the garden.
My mother's elderly neighbour became very distant and unfriendly following the loss of her adult son, and complained about the slightest incursion over the boundary, so it may be grief, you never know what is going on in someone's life.

Keep your cat indoors, and the problem is solved

Did you warn your neighbour before getting a cat that would jump over your shared fence, shit in her garden and kill the birds she hangs bird feeders for and frogs that she is fond of?

You want her to communicate about things… but you didn’t.

I wish cat owners would provide litter trays for cats in their own homes and gardens, and out bells on their collars.

Or confine them to their own Catio type gardens, preferably.

But they never do.

No she isn't!

People are getting absolutely fucking ridiculous about cats.

They're not dogs, they're only semi domesticated and they roam.

Humans are becoming increasingly and bizarrely obsessed with trying to control outdoor space.

Whats she going to do about fox shit, or bird shit?

Are those spikes even legal?

As this behaviour began after you got the cat, you could have "cooperated" at any time in the last three years. As she has now installed spikes, it is clear you haven't "cooperated" at all. I expect she finds catshit in her yard rude also.

Who do you expect to remove the animal's faeces from her garden? Of course she will be having to clear up your cat shit. She should throw it back over your fence with a shovel.

I haven't RTFT sorry but this has definitely gone the way of most cat threads, top job everyone 🤣

Someone said people shouldn't own pets that are 100% likely to cause a nuisance to others! Hilarious. But actually yeah, I agree, they shouldn't. They shouldn't own pets that will bark for hours on end, threaten every person to approach the door/gate, shit all over public footpaths, slobber about in cafés and pubs, knock children over, growl and snap at babies in prams, and... what's that other one... oh yeah, kill people.

I also presume everyone here objecting to the free roaming of cats because of the impact on wildlife is also campaigning for the removal of foxes, squirrels, rats, badgers, and gulls from the UK's wild species?

What planet are you on? No one asks their neighbour if they can buy a cat. Cats always explore and poo wherever. It’s what they do and it’s ludicrous to act like OP should have asked neighbour.

Why don't you just go ask your neighbour?! If she is a woman in her 60s living alone, maybe there is something else going on. Or maybe she just hates your cat. Or maybe she got fed up of your kids' toys ending up in her garden. Or maybe she has heard you all bitching about her and she's upset by it. But we don't know, only she does! So, either accept that she hates you and move on or go round and, without being a dick about it, ask her.

OP - your neighbour clearly has a problem. Either with you guys or herself. It’s not normal behaviour to be kind and welcoming one minute then avoidant and rude the next, over a cat (presumably).

Id suggest approaching her and asking her in a polite and kind way although it sounds like she won’t answer the door to you anyway. In which case fuck it. You’ve tried to engage and if she won’t then that’s on her. She’s a grown woman.

You did nothing wrong getting a cat. Most of my neighbours have cats and we occasionally get cat poo in our garden. It’s annoying but we know there’s nothing they can do about it and it’s fine, it wouldn’t affect our relationship.

I expect your cat will just avoid the spikes but if it causes her harm then I would just get your husband to rip them off - it doesn’t sound like she’s going to say anything to your face. Next time she’s in the greenhouse hiding, put your feet up outside and have a chill garden day; I wonder how long she’ll last before having to come out!

So the point therefore is, if OP doesn't have to ask neighbour if she can get a cat, then neighbour doesn't have to ask OP if she can get spikes to deter the cat from entering her garden.